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April 16, 2012; Journal
13 years ago
General
Origonal (copy pasted from):
http://writer.bighugelabs.com/share/338321
April 16, 2012
I completely forgot to take my medication yesterday until about three. Then once I remembered to take it I decided just not to because... I dunno, I'm fucking stupid? I feel totally fucked today because of it though and I have no interest in going to school and interacting with other people.
So I'm just going to go to school and hunt down the only people who make all of this bearable. I don't really necessarily need to find them, but if I don't then I would consider my day to be relatively "bad". I'm getting tests back or taking tests this next week... I just want to get through this and hopefully pass. I'm an intelligent person, but a horrible student. I do all of my homework, and when something must be written I always seem to do really well, but as soon as there are tests I do absolutely horrible (normally an 85 or well under). School feels scary to me no matter what I do.
I saw a picture of Jazmine that upset me. That's totally unfair of me and I need to reconcile that somehow so I can chill out. My mood isn't stable though.
I'll be going to school today, but I really don't intend on staying long. I simply don't feel good. I feel bad because I told everyone that I was going to bring Cards Against Humanity, but Cassie really didn't like that idea because she hasn't even played it yet and she's the one who bought it. That's a really good reason to not want me to do that though.
Ya know, speaking of Cassie, I'm getting really sick and tired of her getting pissed off every time she sees that Sam so much as messaged me online. Sam is someone I fucking care about who hasn't done anything to hurt me under the agreements of my friendship with her. Cassie doesn't trust her and has some irrational fears that I'm just going to go get high with her. I'm fucking tired of it. I feel like I have to sit around and hide my conversations with Sam under consequence of Cassie being pissed off every time she see's her name. If I had the opportunity there's plenty of things that I want to share with Sam, and I don't want to fucking repress all of that! I just want to be open about my desires. It makes me sick that I can't just share them. I always come back to saying "I shouldn't complain, I already have so much more than most would even want." Such a sine wave of emotion.
On another note, I made a really awesome track yesterday: http://trueemergence.tumblr.com/pos.....song-is-almost
It's ambient and relatively abstract with two very distinct acts. It's the best thing that I've made in a very long time. I'm very happy with it.
It feels good to get all of this out in this context.
Ryan is still coming next month. Shannon still wants to spend a convention with me. Life is still wonderful. It's ok.
http://writer.bighugelabs.com/share/338321
April 16, 2012
I completely forgot to take my medication yesterday until about three. Then once I remembered to take it I decided just not to because... I dunno, I'm fucking stupid? I feel totally fucked today because of it though and I have no interest in going to school and interacting with other people.
So I'm just going to go to school and hunt down the only people who make all of this bearable. I don't really necessarily need to find them, but if I don't then I would consider my day to be relatively "bad". I'm getting tests back or taking tests this next week... I just want to get through this and hopefully pass. I'm an intelligent person, but a horrible student. I do all of my homework, and when something must be written I always seem to do really well, but as soon as there are tests I do absolutely horrible (normally an 85 or well under). School feels scary to me no matter what I do.
I saw a picture of Jazmine that upset me. That's totally unfair of me and I need to reconcile that somehow so I can chill out. My mood isn't stable though.
I'll be going to school today, but I really don't intend on staying long. I simply don't feel good. I feel bad because I told everyone that I was going to bring Cards Against Humanity, but Cassie really didn't like that idea because she hasn't even played it yet and she's the one who bought it. That's a really good reason to not want me to do that though.
Ya know, speaking of Cassie, I'm getting really sick and tired of her getting pissed off every time she sees that Sam so much as messaged me online. Sam is someone I fucking care about who hasn't done anything to hurt me under the agreements of my friendship with her. Cassie doesn't trust her and has some irrational fears that I'm just going to go get high with her. I'm fucking tired of it. I feel like I have to sit around and hide my conversations with Sam under consequence of Cassie being pissed off every time she see's her name. If I had the opportunity there's plenty of things that I want to share with Sam, and I don't want to fucking repress all of that! I just want to be open about my desires. It makes me sick that I can't just share them. I always come back to saying "I shouldn't complain, I already have so much more than most would even want." Such a sine wave of emotion.
On another note, I made a really awesome track yesterday: http://trueemergence.tumblr.com/pos.....song-is-almost
It's ambient and relatively abstract with two very distinct acts. It's the best thing that I've made in a very long time. I'm very happy with it.
It feels good to get all of this out in this context.
Ryan is still coming next month. Shannon still wants to spend a convention with me. Life is still wonderful. It's ok.
