I don't understand why some people think it's okay to use me to get to carrotwolf. This has happened on more than one occasion, namely with his own mom.

I'm a person too. I hate feeling like everyone who watches us both or knows us both who talks to me is only trying to grow closer to him. Yeah, he's a "popufur" and all but getting me to like you isn't going to up your chances of getting art with him or whatever these people seem to want.

His mom emailed back and forth with me for MONTHS, seeming super interested in getting to know me, sharing details of her own life and past (including things I did NOT want or need to know). I received countless pictures of his family, of his childhood...then, perplexingly, her new home with her new husband who Carrot does not know or care to know. She offered her home as a wedding location multiple times, when no mention of marriage ever came up from my side, and sent me dozens of emails loaded to the brim with God and Jesus talk.

I put up with the uncomfortable stuff thinking she was just excited to get to know her son's girlfriend. Jumping the gun a little, but I could put up with that. But as it turns out she just wanted to get me on her side. Like a middle schooler, she came to me and pushed her side of things on me as much as she could, seeking reassurance and sympathy for the "hard life she's been through". I awkwardly provided as much openness as I could, repeatedly telling her that I really didn't have much say in Carrot's decisions when it comes to acceptance of her choices. I dodged her demands of "You believe me, right?" when it came to her ranting about how abusive his (ridiculously sweet and friendly) dad.

Then when we finally went to Texas, she barely said a word to me. She spent the whole drive from Carrot's sister's house to his dad's screaming at him while I sat there in shock and listened to her. I got out of the car after awhile to help his dad put stuff together while they finished fighting and when Carrot finally came inside, she just peeled out without a word to me.

Tonight is the first time I've heard from her since, and all she did was ask me to tell Jake to email her.

I hate feeling used. I hate feeling so insignificant that she didn't even bother to TRY to say goodbye to me while I fumbled frantically with the door handle so I could get out of that car. My own family has been hard enough to come to terms with; my mother and I are not close at all and it's taken years for me to trust my dad to the degree I do now, and my sister and I are all but estranged. I miss my family, despite their flaws, and I was hoping that this really was a step into being accepted into a functional family who might actually care about me as an individual. Instead I was made to feel awkward, guilty, and left out.

At least his dad is awesome. :/

Furries do the same thing, messaging me to talk about Carrot or to ask me to get him to respond to their messages. Even genuine friends of mine do this on occasion. It's one thing to ask me to pass a message on because I'm online and at my keyboard and he's not...but it's another to constantly message me to ask him to get online and talk to you. Yeah I may be the dominant one in our relationship but I can't force him to talk to you, and I won't try anymore.

I feel like the only place I really belong without question is with him. And that's incredibly great and reassuring. But at the same time it'd be nice to be taken seriously by other people, and not just used to climb the ladder to popularity with my boyfriend.

That's all. Sorry for the rant. xD