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life is a heartless bitch, is it not? a chapter of my life
13 years ago
things are the way they have to be, we loners get to stay alone for good or for bad.
many times I have wished not to be an artist... living in the extremes can be an awesome experience, but on the long run... it sure hurts many times.
sadly for me is the only thing I know how to do, never graduated but I have a nice and stable ecomony in my life isnt that weird?
I really cant complain about my professional life, I like it, I am making a living out of it and I love what I do...
I have never maried but I was about to become a father once, and life took it away from me... so many dark chapters in my life... (I know I am not the only one but still hurts alot)
I wish that at least for a moment I could have a special some one to share all my achievements... my failures... joys and sorrow....
here goes the darkest chapter in my life, to all of you, my kind followers/fans
year 2007 first semester:
I got into university to study what I always wanted, animation, drawing, arts, film making
I met the most beautiful woman there, with soft pale skin, red thin hair, amazing blue sparkling eyes. when I first saw here I got one of these feeling that its like when you are looking at a painting so very well done that you just cant get tired of watching because beside it, everything else is just so simple and boring.
she had a BF by that time, but I liked her so much that I decided to take my chances, and so I did
year 2007 2nd semester:
everything was cool between us, always inviting her to eat or just walk, by that time I was very close to have her as a GF
during that same semester, I went out for the weekend with some friends, out of the city, I got a call from her that night, she only said "good bye jorge"
when I got back she was no where to be found.
year 2008 4th semester:
during one year I was wondering what happened to her, sent her emails and stuff, but I never got an answer, I decided to forget about her and keep going with my life and studies
year 2009 5th semester:
everything was going nice and easy, or so it seamed, by the end of the 5th semester I decided to leave the university due to money problems in the familly, and decided to get a job, fortunately I got a job suitable for me, developing art for a film studio, concepts, 3D and what not, my income was less to none but I was happy working in what I love.
a couple of days before I left school, I got an email from her, I was happy to know that she was still alive :), so I decided to email her back, couple of hours later a friend we had in common gave me her phone number, I called her right away and asked her on a date.
and so it happened that same day at 7pm, I saw her again after almost 2 years, she was looking amazing as always, I still remember that moment, she got out of that taxi, with her beautiful eyes looking at me, smiling at me.
we just walk for hours, catching up with our lives, it was getting late and I walked her home as the gentleman I am, to my surprise she invited me in... and that night... that night we became one for the first time, it was a dream come true, it was so perfect, so many kisses, the sweat, the heavy breathing, I have never made love in such a passionate way. We fell asleep after a long night of love.
when I woke up I still couldnt belive what happened, waking up with an angel only happens once in a life time. since that day we started living together.
that relation lasted for 1year and 6 months, by the end of that time I decided to propouse her, I was bursting in happiness when she told me yes :)
we got our families togther and both where happy about it. soon after that we decided to have a baby!!!
we got a misscarriage 2 times, I have never felt so sad in my life, loosing an unborn son is never easy, I still weap when I think about it.
we decided to try a 3th time, it was going well but in the 3th month we lost it again....
after that one, everything went down the hill, she quit her job and start drinking, heavy drinking
I cant remember a single day where she was sober after that, she became so diferent, she was another person, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldnt help her, I dont know if I wasnt man enough or good enough for her to make her stop drinking that much.
may 10 2010, mothers day in mexico
my parents decided to visit me at guadalajara, to celebrate my mom the whole day, I really wanted to be with her, didnt saw her for like 10 months, so I just wanted to spend that day with my mother.
that night.... that night I lost everything....
she came home drunk... after an argue, she grabed her car and crashed infront of the our house.
my mom and dad told me to stay inside, that they will take care of it.
that was the last time I saw her. Its been 2 years since then and many times I remember they days we spent together just walking and talking, the nights we spent...
some days I think I havent been able to forget about her... I think I never will
when everything ended I started drawing, working day and night, it kept my mind busy, thats how I became good at this, I guess... I get alot of commissions now, so many I have to decline alot of them, I have a paysite that pays well, have done so much in these 2 years... but I no longer have any one to share all this.
life is a heartless bitch, is it not? who whould have guessed that the happiest days of my life, so far, where when I didnt have a nickle but I had a family, a woman I loved so much and the promise of a child...
things are the way they have to be, we loners get to stay alone for good or for bad... and as hard as it may sound, I think it is better that way.
many times I have wished not to be an artist... living in the extremes can be an awesome experience, but on the long run... it sure hurts many times.
sadly for me is the only thing I know how to do, never graduated but I have a nice and stable ecomony in my life isnt that weird?
I really cant complain about my professional life, I like it, I am making a living out of it and I love what I do...
I have never maried but I was about to become a father once, and life took it away from me... so many dark chapters in my life... (I know I am not the only one but still hurts alot)
I wish that at least for a moment I could have a special some one to share all my achievements... my failures... joys and sorrow....
here goes the darkest chapter in my life, to all of you, my kind followers/fans
year 2007 first semester:
I got into university to study what I always wanted, animation, drawing, arts, film making
I met the most beautiful woman there, with soft pale skin, red thin hair, amazing blue sparkling eyes. when I first saw here I got one of these feeling that its like when you are looking at a painting so very well done that you just cant get tired of watching because beside it, everything else is just so simple and boring.
she had a BF by that time, but I liked her so much that I decided to take my chances, and so I did
year 2007 2nd semester:
everything was cool between us, always inviting her to eat or just walk, by that time I was very close to have her as a GF
during that same semester, I went out for the weekend with some friends, out of the city, I got a call from her that night, she only said "good bye jorge"
when I got back she was no where to be found.
year 2008 4th semester:
during one year I was wondering what happened to her, sent her emails and stuff, but I never got an answer, I decided to forget about her and keep going with my life and studies
year 2009 5th semester:
everything was going nice and easy, or so it seamed, by the end of the 5th semester I decided to leave the university due to money problems in the familly, and decided to get a job, fortunately I got a job suitable for me, developing art for a film studio, concepts, 3D and what not, my income was less to none but I was happy working in what I love.
a couple of days before I left school, I got an email from her, I was happy to know that she was still alive :), so I decided to email her back, couple of hours later a friend we had in common gave me her phone number, I called her right away and asked her on a date.
and so it happened that same day at 7pm, I saw her again after almost 2 years, she was looking amazing as always, I still remember that moment, she got out of that taxi, with her beautiful eyes looking at me, smiling at me.
we just walk for hours, catching up with our lives, it was getting late and I walked her home as the gentleman I am, to my surprise she invited me in... and that night... that night we became one for the first time, it was a dream come true, it was so perfect, so many kisses, the sweat, the heavy breathing, I have never made love in such a passionate way. We fell asleep after a long night of love.
when I woke up I still couldnt belive what happened, waking up with an angel only happens once in a life time. since that day we started living together.
that relation lasted for 1year and 6 months, by the end of that time I decided to propouse her, I was bursting in happiness when she told me yes :)
we got our families togther and both where happy about it. soon after that we decided to have a baby!!!
we got a misscarriage 2 times, I have never felt so sad in my life, loosing an unborn son is never easy, I still weap when I think about it.
we decided to try a 3th time, it was going well but in the 3th month we lost it again....
after that one, everything went down the hill, she quit her job and start drinking, heavy drinking
I cant remember a single day where she was sober after that, she became so diferent, she was another person, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldnt help her, I dont know if I wasnt man enough or good enough for her to make her stop drinking that much.
may 10 2010, mothers day in mexico
my parents decided to visit me at guadalajara, to celebrate my mom the whole day, I really wanted to be with her, didnt saw her for like 10 months, so I just wanted to spend that day with my mother.
that night.... that night I lost everything....
she came home drunk... after an argue, she grabed her car and crashed infront of the our house.
my mom and dad told me to stay inside, that they will take care of it.
that was the last time I saw her. Its been 2 years since then and many times I remember they days we spent together just walking and talking, the nights we spent...
some days I think I havent been able to forget about her... I think I never will
when everything ended I started drawing, working day and night, it kept my mind busy, thats how I became good at this, I guess... I get alot of commissions now, so many I have to decline alot of them, I have a paysite that pays well, have done so much in these 2 years... but I no longer have any one to share all this.
life is a heartless bitch, is it not? who whould have guessed that the happiest days of my life, so far, where when I didnt have a nickle but I had a family, a woman I loved so much and the promise of a child...
things are the way they have to be, we loners get to stay alone for good or for bad... and as hard as it may sound, I think it is better that way.
I hope your future stays okay man ;_;
"no matter how hard I tried, I just couldnt help her, I dont know if I wasnt man enough or good enough for her to make her stop drinking that much."
Don't blame yourself for that, this shit is hard enough already as it is, so don't make it worse by putting the blame on yourself. There is literally NOTHING you can do to help someone who doesn't want to get better, I don't mean to be harsh or disrespectful towards her because I don't have the right to do that, but it's just something that I learned the hard way, you just can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
heartless beech life is.
here's a brief synopsis of my life's sorrow if you care to read it http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/583517/
Yeah,this was all avoidable. I'd get a new doc if I was you.
The world, Universe, God whatever...there is something for everyone, and even in our darkest hours, when we think all is lost, and we ourselves have lost hope, sometimes you do get that joy.
I never would have imagined that a man would stay by my side through 10 hours of Brain surgery. I Expected him to leave but he never has. I keep thinking it;s a dream and I don;t deserve this special someone, but the truth is we ALL do.
Your Love, your Angel will always have a place in your heart, forever, as those very special people do. But I honestly don;t believe that is all there is for you.
Please don;t lose hope that you will find your special person.I can completely understand after all you went through that you maybe don't even want to try at this point. But everyone deserves to be happy and have someone to share their life with. Everyone.
They say 'Tis Better to have loved and Lost then never to have loved at all'....which seems like where you are in your mind body and heart at the moment. It may never feel like it is better having known happiness, true joy of love then losing everything, but Love is love, it is a beautiful, and fragile thing. But I do feel in my heart that there is someone out there for you. A special person who will make you feel that kind of special way again. And you can share you life with her.
I thank you for allowing us, your fans to read and understand this very painful part of your life. -hugs-
There are others who would agree with this: "You can never know true pain until you have known true love."
I have found it difficult to decide whether these two sentiments are mutually exclusive. Stories like yours make me think that these two statements are simply two sides of the same coin.
In many ways, I envy you. I'm still exploring the viability of the loveless angle.
i had also watched a once loved friend of mine bury her head into a bottle of booze. no matter how much i consul her it didn't matter. she had made the choice that being drunk by noon was the way to go. it was hard to see her suffer to much, but be so deaf to those around her who loved her deeply and only had her best interests in mind. sometimes you can't help no matter how much you want to. some people just won't listen. some people are strong, and even tho are deeply wounded by the events in the world, and their personal lives, can weather the storm, and can live on scarred by life's events. others are not so strong, but will take the help, and others just can't be saved.
it can tear at your very soul.
i just wanted you to know that even tho the events are not the same, that there are those of us out here who have been through similar events, and can relate. and can pull through and find true happiness in life. i spent over 11 years of my life in severe pain. and i have found that pot of gold at the end of the end of the rainbow. it can happen my friend. one day. and mine happened by pure coincidence. i was not looking for love, and ended up finding it in my best friend.
you are strong. you can let these events shape the man that you are, and you can press on in life. never NEVER forget the past! or else it can't shape your future. the events in my life shaped mine for the better. and it can happen to you too.
please do not give up on life, and try to find the beauty in the world around you. it can be hard to see it through all the gray, but it is there.
there is always the hope of a better tomorrow.
*hugs*
we are there for you.