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On Flirting
13 years ago
General
đ RANSOM.CAT I got my first piece of hate mail on Tumblr. I guess that means I'm becoming Tumblr-popular! In it, I was accused of, amongst things, clumsily hitting on people. I'm pretty sure I know who sent that, but it's not important. What is important is clarifying my behavior, because if one person got that impression, others might as well.
If you're my friend, chances are I've made a pass at you at some point. I hit on people for fun all of the time. Rarely am I serious about it. Iâm not one of those ânice guysâ who tries to just flatter or be kind to people with the hopes theyâll sometime, eventually, date me. I was kinda like that as a teenager, when I lacked self-confidence, but now as an adult, Iâm not afraid to actually ask someone out. Subtlety doesnât work. Iâve only had a genuine affection for a handful of people over the past several years, but when I have, Iâve been upfront about it. Sometimes it works out, and thatâs great; and sometimes I get shot down, which is fine tooâplenty of fish, and all that. But please donât mistake my intentions. If you see me overtly flirting, itâs probably for just for lighthearted fun; and if I sincerely compliment someone, as crazy as it sounds, it might actually just be a genuine complimentânothing more.
I think that hate mail came from a friend of a friend. A day or two, I left a compliment on my buddy's photo on Facebook, saying that she looked great. Why? 'Cause I really thought she looked good with her new hairstyle. But soon after, that thing arrives in my inbox. Just 'cause I say someone looks good doesn't mean I'm trying to get into their pants. Maybe Anon's of a different opinion, but I'm pretty sure people can simply be friends without the intention of screwing one-another. But maybe Anon's also just had a consistently terrible experience with douchebag men.
That brings me to my next point: the puzzling mentioning of me putting on a "gentleman act." I didn't think my casual swearing, frequent use of the words "dude" and "dudette," playful narcissism, and FUCK YEAH hot-blooded enthusiasm for my hobbies is what qualifies as being a pretentious gentleman. But hey, I could be wrong! Perhaps Anon was referring to my refusal to kiss and tell, 'cause, y'know, gentlemen don't do that. But that's no act. If you have a problem with me treating my lovers with respect, or think it's all some show, then your cynicism is pretty saddening.
But that's a little tangential. The main thing I wanted to do was clarify that, yes, I am outgoing enough to compliment others on any number of things, including their appearances; and yes, I do playfully flirt with a lot of people as well; but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to bang them. If I like like you, you'll know it.
If you're my friend, chances are I've made a pass at you at some point. I hit on people for fun all of the time. Rarely am I serious about it. Iâm not one of those ânice guysâ who tries to just flatter or be kind to people with the hopes theyâll sometime, eventually, date me. I was kinda like that as a teenager, when I lacked self-confidence, but now as an adult, Iâm not afraid to actually ask someone out. Subtlety doesnât work. Iâve only had a genuine affection for a handful of people over the past several years, but when I have, Iâve been upfront about it. Sometimes it works out, and thatâs great; and sometimes I get shot down, which is fine tooâplenty of fish, and all that. But please donât mistake my intentions. If you see me overtly flirting, itâs probably for just for lighthearted fun; and if I sincerely compliment someone, as crazy as it sounds, it might actually just be a genuine complimentânothing more.
I think that hate mail came from a friend of a friend. A day or two, I left a compliment on my buddy's photo on Facebook, saying that she looked great. Why? 'Cause I really thought she looked good with her new hairstyle. But soon after, that thing arrives in my inbox. Just 'cause I say someone looks good doesn't mean I'm trying to get into their pants. Maybe Anon's of a different opinion, but I'm pretty sure people can simply be friends without the intention of screwing one-another. But maybe Anon's also just had a consistently terrible experience with douchebag men.
That brings me to my next point: the puzzling mentioning of me putting on a "gentleman act." I didn't think my casual swearing, frequent use of the words "dude" and "dudette," playful narcissism, and FUCK YEAH hot-blooded enthusiasm for my hobbies is what qualifies as being a pretentious gentleman. But hey, I could be wrong! Perhaps Anon was referring to my refusal to kiss and tell, 'cause, y'know, gentlemen don't do that. But that's no act. If you have a problem with me treating my lovers with respect, or think it's all some show, then your cynicism is pretty saddening.
But that's a little tangential. The main thing I wanted to do was clarify that, yes, I am outgoing enough to compliment others on any number of things, including their appearances; and yes, I do playfully flirt with a lot of people as well; but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to bang them. If I like like you, you'll know it.
Just continue to be yourself.
Whut?
That was only a sidenote I wanted to share.
but yeah, showing genuine affection or just having an opinion? On the internets? NOT WITHOUT SOME DRAMA YOU DON'T