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Went to Neurologist today.....+Edit
13 years ago
Haven't been feeling well for the past few days due to what I believe to be sinuses, but for me who usually rarely gets sick (Though recently been feeling odd a lot due to headaches and whatnot, perhaps due to other things, who can say?) I usually can't tell whether what I have is a "I am sick" versus "It's just allergies."
Anywho, I accidently took 3 times the normal dose of Mucinex D before looking at the box to double check I was taking the right amount. let's just say I felt as if I was barely here in a physical sense. ^_^;
Was kinda goofy/aloof or whatever a bit also. Vision was really blurry though as well.
I told the doctor things I have been dealing with (forgot this one thing that I sometimes don't catch which could be Motor Tic related.)
BUt, for these other things that I thought were Motor Tics, he said it was some form of Sensory something. I can't fully remember, but not Motor Tics. He said the reason I had it before, was due to the problems of my neck/spine which apparently was "Degenerative Arthritis of the Spine" as he put it. The Neurosurgeon mentioned it wasa form of birth defect.
For those I have told, I am lucky to be alive due to the fact I was born around 2 months premature, had a twin that died and etc. I wonder if that is also why I have had other things happen in the past, or why my motor skills seem to be super low and it can be hard for me to do things like printing legibly, where most of you would probably be able to do like nothing. Me, to write a check, it may take me a good 5 minutes, and that is only because in part of my hand wanting to cramp up.
Then, my dad when he picks me up has to rub this whole "So, you had to call in sick huh?" in my face.
The thing he doesn't realize (And sometimes my mom, but not as much) is that I have gotten a lot better at learning to endure things. I sometimes I wish they could have felt things I endured because I knew telling them about it would have done nothing and then they'd get upset and lecture me about how weak I was being.
Man. I tried telling him I am not the weakling I was when I was in Jr High/High School, crying about every thing or so and not wanting to endure anything.
Try telling my dad that and he dismissed it as "Well, you just do whatever it is you want. See how far that job of yours is gonna last."
His additude really pissed me off a bit. Well, if it weren't for the fact of the meds and my whole, trying to do this thing some might call similar to meditation where I basically focus so intently in my head that the rest of my body can achieve a mild form of lack of sensation so I could ignore some of the neck pain that was trying to come back.
He has no idea how I feel, or what I have been enduring. Nor would I have any idea what he is. It would be like me telling him "Why the hell are you laying on the couch at this hour. You should be up and moving around doing something. Just suck up that back pain of yours and get up."
I don't know. I think all of that hit a nerve, combine that with the emotion I have felt about myself what with the aspects of the surgery and then this being sick. I think I had a mild breakdown in the car with my mom.
They should know I have become a LOT stronger and only complain because it is serious to me. Everyone has their own limits to what they can tolerate. So why should I be looked at as weak just because I seem to be having a bit of time now where I am having more moments of "weakness" then usual?
I HATE calling in sick for work. I would rather be working as it makes me feel as though I am not wasting my life doing nothing. I feel as though I am contributing in some way and being of help somehow. Laying in bed being sick pisses me off as it feels a bit like admitting defeat. As though a part of me is making fun of myself. "How could you be so weak like that?" Almost as though it makes me pissed off at myself or something.
I don't know. I can't seem to think all that straight right now.
The doctor precribed something called Gabapentin in 300mg tablets. I am supposed to work myself up to 3 tablets a day. He mentioned that I am to take one every day somewhat close to bed time for about 1-2 weeks and once I feel as though the tiredness side effect it is supposed to cause go away, then I am to go to 2 for 1-2 weeks, and then 3.
I hope that it works. I have not been one who is all too fond of taking meds, but at the same time, if there is a chance it can help me with some of this annoying neck pain that makes my head feel like it wants to sometimes pop like a over filled balloon, then so be it.
Anywho, if you actually read all this rambling potentially nonsensical stuff, then congrats, or thanks or something. Maybe I should try laying down and see if I can sleep or something.
Though my body feels weird, like both being really fatigued while hyper energized at the same time. My body, not my mind. My mind I suspect is a bit on the tired side.
I really hope that I won't have to call in sick tommorow, but if I do, then I have to take the day as it comes. I talked to my boss and he said to let him know when I am feeling better. He knows all I have endured, so I think he knows I am still in the process of healing. But at the same time, I worry if they will try to make that into an excuse for perhaps having me not work there. Part of me doesn't like that idea as I like the work I am doing. I am making a actual decent wage, and the people are all really nice. If I were to return to this training center area, my pay would be cut dramatically.
But part of me wonders if I would have as much stress. But then I think to myself, would that be considered taking the easy way out or giving up? Or could it be a form of doing what is best for my own wellbeing, even if it may make others upset.
I sometimes wonder whose life I am living. Could it be part of me is living as though to somehow make my parents proud of me and on some subconscious level I feel like if I were to go back to the other place, it would be seen as not trying or putting out effort?
Man, my scar seems to actually be throbbing a bit now. I get the feeling that that can't be all that good.
Anywho, thanks for reading all this. Comment if you want, but it is not truly necessary. I think I will indeed try to lay down.
============================================================
Well, it seems that my couching of nasal dripping whatever crap seems to be f*cking with me again, making me cough like crazy. Not only has it f*cked over my neck real bad, but also made my right eye hurt a lot, as well as having had some pain in the lower right areas of my stomach and groin/ballsack area and a general weakening of the right arm.
So yeah, as you may be able to tell, I am really pissed off at my body right now. Maybe I'll get lucky to be able to sleep a bit. Not holding my breath though. That is all.
Anywho, I accidently took 3 times the normal dose of Mucinex D before looking at the box to double check I was taking the right amount. let's just say I felt as if I was barely here in a physical sense. ^_^;
Was kinda goofy/aloof or whatever a bit also. Vision was really blurry though as well.
I told the doctor things I have been dealing with (forgot this one thing that I sometimes don't catch which could be Motor Tic related.)
BUt, for these other things that I thought were Motor Tics, he said it was some form of Sensory something. I can't fully remember, but not Motor Tics. He said the reason I had it before, was due to the problems of my neck/spine which apparently was "Degenerative Arthritis of the Spine" as he put it. The Neurosurgeon mentioned it wasa form of birth defect.
For those I have told, I am lucky to be alive due to the fact I was born around 2 months premature, had a twin that died and etc. I wonder if that is also why I have had other things happen in the past, or why my motor skills seem to be super low and it can be hard for me to do things like printing legibly, where most of you would probably be able to do like nothing. Me, to write a check, it may take me a good 5 minutes, and that is only because in part of my hand wanting to cramp up.
Then, my dad when he picks me up has to rub this whole "So, you had to call in sick huh?" in my face.
The thing he doesn't realize (And sometimes my mom, but not as much) is that I have gotten a lot better at learning to endure things. I sometimes I wish they could have felt things I endured because I knew telling them about it would have done nothing and then they'd get upset and lecture me about how weak I was being.
Man. I tried telling him I am not the weakling I was when I was in Jr High/High School, crying about every thing or so and not wanting to endure anything.
Try telling my dad that and he dismissed it as "Well, you just do whatever it is you want. See how far that job of yours is gonna last."
His additude really pissed me off a bit. Well, if it weren't for the fact of the meds and my whole, trying to do this thing some might call similar to meditation where I basically focus so intently in my head that the rest of my body can achieve a mild form of lack of sensation so I could ignore some of the neck pain that was trying to come back.
He has no idea how I feel, or what I have been enduring. Nor would I have any idea what he is. It would be like me telling him "Why the hell are you laying on the couch at this hour. You should be up and moving around doing something. Just suck up that back pain of yours and get up."
I don't know. I think all of that hit a nerve, combine that with the emotion I have felt about myself what with the aspects of the surgery and then this being sick. I think I had a mild breakdown in the car with my mom.
They should know I have become a LOT stronger and only complain because it is serious to me. Everyone has their own limits to what they can tolerate. So why should I be looked at as weak just because I seem to be having a bit of time now where I am having more moments of "weakness" then usual?
I HATE calling in sick for work. I would rather be working as it makes me feel as though I am not wasting my life doing nothing. I feel as though I am contributing in some way and being of help somehow. Laying in bed being sick pisses me off as it feels a bit like admitting defeat. As though a part of me is making fun of myself. "How could you be so weak like that?" Almost as though it makes me pissed off at myself or something.
I don't know. I can't seem to think all that straight right now.
The doctor precribed something called Gabapentin in 300mg tablets. I am supposed to work myself up to 3 tablets a day. He mentioned that I am to take one every day somewhat close to bed time for about 1-2 weeks and once I feel as though the tiredness side effect it is supposed to cause go away, then I am to go to 2 for 1-2 weeks, and then 3.
I hope that it works. I have not been one who is all too fond of taking meds, but at the same time, if there is a chance it can help me with some of this annoying neck pain that makes my head feel like it wants to sometimes pop like a over filled balloon, then so be it.
Anywho, if you actually read all this rambling potentially nonsensical stuff, then congrats, or thanks or something. Maybe I should try laying down and see if I can sleep or something.
Though my body feels weird, like both being really fatigued while hyper energized at the same time. My body, not my mind. My mind I suspect is a bit on the tired side.
I really hope that I won't have to call in sick tommorow, but if I do, then I have to take the day as it comes. I talked to my boss and he said to let him know when I am feeling better. He knows all I have endured, so I think he knows I am still in the process of healing. But at the same time, I worry if they will try to make that into an excuse for perhaps having me not work there. Part of me doesn't like that idea as I like the work I am doing. I am making a actual decent wage, and the people are all really nice. If I were to return to this training center area, my pay would be cut dramatically.
But part of me wonders if I would have as much stress. But then I think to myself, would that be considered taking the easy way out or giving up? Or could it be a form of doing what is best for my own wellbeing, even if it may make others upset.
I sometimes wonder whose life I am living. Could it be part of me is living as though to somehow make my parents proud of me and on some subconscious level I feel like if I were to go back to the other place, it would be seen as not trying or putting out effort?
Man, my scar seems to actually be throbbing a bit now. I get the feeling that that can't be all that good.
Anywho, thanks for reading all this. Comment if you want, but it is not truly necessary. I think I will indeed try to lay down.
============================================================
Well, it seems that my couching of nasal dripping whatever crap seems to be f*cking with me again, making me cough like crazy. Not only has it f*cked over my neck real bad, but also made my right eye hurt a lot, as well as having had some pain in the lower right areas of my stomach and groin/ballsack area and a general weakening of the right arm.
So yeah, as you may be able to tell, I am really pissed off at my body right now. Maybe I'll get lucky to be able to sleep a bit. Not holding my breath though. That is all.
