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Just a thoughtdump...(slightly ranty, inward reflection)
13 years ago
Above all, I kinda hope some of the people I'm trying to get to know read this. It contains a fair amount of useful information about me that would help others to much better understand the confusing being that is myself.
I don't honestly expect replies to this. I kinda just need to vent a bit, dump some thoughts out of my cluttered head, and making two dozen tweets in a row would probably irritate people. So, basically, don't feel bad if you just read and click away, or not even read through at all. I'm mostly just ranting about my own personal inadequacies. This is going to be very much a stream of consciousness thing; it's how I often write. Expect randomness and tangents that make no sense whatsoever.
Also, the third next paragraph is quite sexual in nature. The fourth is both sexual and babyfurry. Feel free to skip along if either of these might bug you.
My life seems too oxymoronic for its own good. I'm a loner by nature, but I really wish I had more good friends that I could hang out with on a regular basis. Sitting around at home sucks when it's the same damn thing every day. Find some games to occupy my time, put in some job apps that likely won't get replies, slightly interact with housemates, repeat ad infinitum.
One could say I have a lot of friends. Friends is a loose term, though, and a lot of them feel more like acquaintances. Several in mind, as I type this, are fellow furs in the area that I've met through Twitter and have yet to actually meet RL, or have only met once or twice. I want to be able to improve a lot of these friendships, but this is just such a damned impossible thing for me to do, given my passive nature. I worry that people find me as a boring person, and I'm sure some do. There's a question I can never answer, and that's the eternal, "What do you want to do?" I never have a good answer to it, as I'm so damned indecisive. My head blanks out, and I get nothing. The only way I ever really do stuff is if I'm directly invited, or happen to get pulled into a group activity of some sort; it's never initiated by me.
I sometimes think that I'm far too sexual for my own good. A big part of getting to know new people, for me, is figuring out how sexual they are, and if significantly so, exploring avenues of playtime inevitably runs across my mind. This is very hard countered by the fact that I'm far too submissive and passive to even open my mouth and just ask. I can't make myself approach people about it. It might take weeks or even months, but I'll wait patiently for some comment to come up that springs even a slight opportunity, follow it with a sort of probe, and then from there it's either a closed book or an open floodgate. If the reaction is positive, I go kinda nuts with it, and sometimes worry that I'm pressing the subject too hard (like a fox), but thankfully that's never really been the case. That's the point at which I really feel I start connecting with someone.
The sexual side amplifies up to a significantly higher factor when dealing with other fellow babyfurs. My cub side has a very strong connection to my sexual ways, which I know is not necessarily the norm. I know a lot of 'em who found their cub sides through ways entirely nonsexual, and this makes me even more hesitant to approach the matter. I don't want to come off as a complete horndog, especially on a first impression, especially as I'm trying to make more babyfur friends, especially if they're local by any means. So again, I go back to hoping that I'll get a chance to pry at it slightly, hope for a chance to explore my immense sexuality with someone.
I still lose touch with people. I keep saying I'm trying to work on this, but it just seems like an impossible task. I wonder if maybe I'm spreading myself too thin. I'd be likely chatting nonstop if I kept up as much as I wanted with everyone I liked. It doesn't help that I'm terrible with casual conversation. Usually if I message someone, I have a good reason; small talk is not something I do. Conversations may die off quickly, but I can't just artificially sustain them.
I definitely have issues, tough ones.
I don't honestly expect replies to this. I kinda just need to vent a bit, dump some thoughts out of my cluttered head, and making two dozen tweets in a row would probably irritate people. So, basically, don't feel bad if you just read and click away, or not even read through at all. I'm mostly just ranting about my own personal inadequacies. This is going to be very much a stream of consciousness thing; it's how I often write. Expect randomness and tangents that make no sense whatsoever.
Also, the third next paragraph is quite sexual in nature. The fourth is both sexual and babyfurry. Feel free to skip along if either of these might bug you.
My life seems too oxymoronic for its own good. I'm a loner by nature, but I really wish I had more good friends that I could hang out with on a regular basis. Sitting around at home sucks when it's the same damn thing every day. Find some games to occupy my time, put in some job apps that likely won't get replies, slightly interact with housemates, repeat ad infinitum.
One could say I have a lot of friends. Friends is a loose term, though, and a lot of them feel more like acquaintances. Several in mind, as I type this, are fellow furs in the area that I've met through Twitter and have yet to actually meet RL, or have only met once or twice. I want to be able to improve a lot of these friendships, but this is just such a damned impossible thing for me to do, given my passive nature. I worry that people find me as a boring person, and I'm sure some do. There's a question I can never answer, and that's the eternal, "What do you want to do?" I never have a good answer to it, as I'm so damned indecisive. My head blanks out, and I get nothing. The only way I ever really do stuff is if I'm directly invited, or happen to get pulled into a group activity of some sort; it's never initiated by me.
I sometimes think that I'm far too sexual for my own good. A big part of getting to know new people, for me, is figuring out how sexual they are, and if significantly so, exploring avenues of playtime inevitably runs across my mind. This is very hard countered by the fact that I'm far too submissive and passive to even open my mouth and just ask. I can't make myself approach people about it. It might take weeks or even months, but I'll wait patiently for some comment to come up that springs even a slight opportunity, follow it with a sort of probe, and then from there it's either a closed book or an open floodgate. If the reaction is positive, I go kinda nuts with it, and sometimes worry that I'm pressing the subject too hard (like a fox), but thankfully that's never really been the case. That's the point at which I really feel I start connecting with someone.
The sexual side amplifies up to a significantly higher factor when dealing with other fellow babyfurs. My cub side has a very strong connection to my sexual ways, which I know is not necessarily the norm. I know a lot of 'em who found their cub sides through ways entirely nonsexual, and this makes me even more hesitant to approach the matter. I don't want to come off as a complete horndog, especially on a first impression, especially as I'm trying to make more babyfur friends, especially if they're local by any means. So again, I go back to hoping that I'll get a chance to pry at it slightly, hope for a chance to explore my immense sexuality with someone.
I still lose touch with people. I keep saying I'm trying to work on this, but it just seems like an impossible task. I wonder if maybe I'm spreading myself too thin. I'd be likely chatting nonstop if I kept up as much as I wanted with everyone I liked. It doesn't help that I'm terrible with casual conversation. Usually if I message someone, I have a good reason; small talk is not something I do. Conversations may die off quickly, but I can't just artificially sustain them.
I definitely have issues, tough ones.
Kiff and I have been talking a lot about you Adi. We should definitely find the time to hang out with you more often. Maybe I can pick you up on Saturdays every now and then? I need to get more cubby time with Alfador as well. it might help if there are a few extra diaper-butts at the house on Saturdays.