Still don't feel like an artist
13 years ago
General
I have a duality when it comes to my art, and I'm certain I'm not alone. There are times when I feel absolutely wonderful about my art, so proud to show anyone the stuff I made out of my head. I'm confident, delighted, and feel like I've gotten better.
Later I look at my work and regret each feeling and count down the days tilll I wake up from this silly dream of trying to be a concept artist professionally.
I know this page doesn't show it off (really it doesn't) But I've been working my ass off to improve my general skills. I'm in life drawing, I've taken color theory, I'm story-boarding to help set up scenes and character concepts to make more lively casts. But never have I disappointed myself more. I don't draw enough, I can't even muster the inner strength or discipline to work consistently.
Most of the time the reason why I'm so busy is because I'm too bonkers to sit down and focus for longer than 5 minutes to actually render an image, and then I get down in the dumps for not doing it, so I don't do it! The bulk of my work is done at school, and for some reason it feels impossible to concentrate at home. I want to paint, I want to draw Furries in my free time, I want to explore more and more. But when the time comes, I sit down, and BAM, an hour has gone by and I'm off doing something else and then I feel miserable for not doing it. So I haven't improved my color or watercolor skills in the slightest. It all comes out looking like I just started drawing.
"But abbey. why don't you just -do- it!". I really want to say I can. I really want to just be able to sit down and draw for at least an hour before I take a break. I want to see things get better. But that wont happen unless my brain lets up in one of it's rare moods and allows the floodgates of concentration to contain the overwhelming urge to do something else.
:Note: yes, ADHD meds and all that could help, but my body is prone to sensitivity and dislikes my advances to fix the issue. I went through so many meds with adverse side effects from severe abdominal pain to sweating like a pig the entire day. :/
/endRant
Later I look at my work and regret each feeling and count down the days tilll I wake up from this silly dream of trying to be a concept artist professionally.
I know this page doesn't show it off (really it doesn't) But I've been working my ass off to improve my general skills. I'm in life drawing, I've taken color theory, I'm story-boarding to help set up scenes and character concepts to make more lively casts. But never have I disappointed myself more. I don't draw enough, I can't even muster the inner strength or discipline to work consistently.
Most of the time the reason why I'm so busy is because I'm too bonkers to sit down and focus for longer than 5 minutes to actually render an image, and then I get down in the dumps for not doing it, so I don't do it! The bulk of my work is done at school, and for some reason it feels impossible to concentrate at home. I want to paint, I want to draw Furries in my free time, I want to explore more and more. But when the time comes, I sit down, and BAM, an hour has gone by and I'm off doing something else and then I feel miserable for not doing it. So I haven't improved my color or watercolor skills in the slightest. It all comes out looking like I just started drawing.
"But abbey. why don't you just -do- it!". I really want to say I can. I really want to just be able to sit down and draw for at least an hour before I take a break. I want to see things get better. But that wont happen unless my brain lets up in one of it's rare moods and allows the floodgates of concentration to contain the overwhelming urge to do something else.
:Note: yes, ADHD meds and all that could help, but my body is prone to sensitivity and dislikes my advances to fix the issue. I went through so many meds with adverse side effects from severe abdominal pain to sweating like a pig the entire day. :/
/endRant
FA+

I would sit down to do them, get part of the pose, the body, the scene, and then I'd get called away or start tinkering with stuff around me. Like,
it's a subconscious act, i'll slap my hand and try to focus but it just gets harder every time. :/
The less you love the art you're making, the more prone you become to procrastination. And procrastination lowers your self-esteem, which of course makes you even less likely to draw at all. It's a vicious cycle, but it's a fact of life for artists. You literally /have/ to draw things that you truly, deeply love, and do so on a regular basis, to keep yourself "going" at optimal mental strength, in my opinion. For me, it's drawing my character engaging in the acts of infantilism and diaper play that I fantasize about with the greatest pleasure, sexual or non-sexual. Everyone manifests their own happiness in different ways; mine just happens to be through infantilism and diapers (and of course other things). I've found that if I go too long without showing myself some caring, nurturing, unconditional love, I can spiral down into a self-loathing state, which is no good for bringing out the best of my talent and skill. But when I bounce back, invigorated with love for myself, I can draw damn near anything. As far as I can work out, and I could of course be wrong- this is the cure for art block.
But what about the times when you're asked or required to draw things that you don't deeply love? Well, these are the times when you simply have to "grin and bear it", as my mother would say. Consider all of the elements which add up to create the picture, and pick out the ones which you enjoy performing, regardless of the other aspects which you don't. Focus on those, and try to derive the most pleasure from them. That should keep your spirits up high enough to "grin and bear" the other, less-enjoyable processes. And always remember- it won't last forever. Sometimes it can help to stretch out a big project into smaller, easier-to-manage chunks. When doing this, it may also be helpful not to do all of the less-enjoyable aspects at once, and all of the pleasurable ones at another- rather, do a little of both in each chunk of time. And when you are finally done, give yourself a little reward. Such as simply eating out, or ordering a big, yummy dessert. I like to do that. P:
I guess not everyone can work at home, maybe?
*hugs*
Try designing a workspace in your home that is devoid of distractions. (both Abbey and spinyfur, and anyone who reads this)