So, I'm not one to journal my open feelings, despite having a blog for many years, but i seem to feel safe to do so here. With that said, heres whats going on.

Living alone really raises the bar on expectations. Things like having my own place, super nice things, a zen to come home to after a stressful day at work, everything is where i left it, nothing broken, and most of all no dirty dishes to argue over, or food missing from my fridge. No random intrusions into the bedroom while having a romantic evening. I don't have to listen to a roommates bad taste in music, or put up with all the drama they add to what i already have of my own.

Now in my opinion there are two types of drama. Drama that comes from stupidity, the kind that follows individuals around because they keep making the same mistakes and wondering why bad things keep happening and why no one will come rescue them because they have abused the privilege. The second type has to do with work and responsibility. When work takes over your life, screws with your social life, and your bills keep needing to be paid, family casting you out, or asking for favors and your job is wearing you thin to the point of breaking, your social life (not online) is in shambles because of your work schedule and where you live, and you hadn't realized how good you had it before because you wanted to "go out into the real world and make something better of yourself."

The second type is how i'm feeling. I'm under paid for what i have to put up with, and tired of not having weekends off or holidays off. Tired of moving to places that i absolutely know nobody and must keep trying to make friends without the crutch of school for easy social networking. Work all day, come home, and feel burnt. (going on 4 years)

Doing little things just start to take more effort then they use to. Cleaning, fixing, packing, moving when lease is up. All these things are so much easier with a best friend near by to help x.x Job hunting is draining, the job market is flooded with underpaid jobs. They ask for something that requires a lot of skill and low ball you. How offensive. That part is just a society pitfall that became accepted subtly within the last 20 years. It wasn't always like this. Degrees don't mean anything, but when your 30 you will have enough years of experience to apply for a proper paying job! WOW thats the way to grow the future. Wear them out early, and don't encourage them to grow - Thanks Corporate America Values!

Retail is a ticking time bomb, i swear it ages you at 10x the rate. Dealing with tall 2-year-olds (old people and stupid adults). anyways, end of that rant.

I have so much to do, my lease is up at the beginning of July, and i haven't even started packing. Just got a stack of boxes and am not really sure where to start. I have more furniture now then i did before, way too much padding.. and a shit ton of office stuff too that will all need packed. Who likes packing by themselves? It's hell. I'm overwhelmed to be honest. *starts whimpering*

simplify simplify simplify....

I also need to find a new job - hopefully near my home town. I would love to move back. - time still needing to be spent on this task.
Also need to plan my move, look at apartment costs, possible rooming situations, if a storage unit might be worth it then paying for the space etc. moving truck costs, getting my car there, gas cost, move out/move in costs....

oh and i managed to pick up the flu 5 days ago...

ugh. i'm so burnt... *slumps on couch whimpering softly*