i find that those that talk about it are less likely to do it BECAUSE there not truely suicidal. they are searching for attention


depressed and helpless yes
but honesly suicidal, no. its like them angsty lil middleschool whiners that show off there wrists that they dragged paperclips across to show off "there wounds"

if someone honestly wanted to do it, they wouldnt advertise it
its like

"HEY. I WANNA KILL MYSELF!!..ANYONE WANNA COME STOP ME AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM IMPORTANT?!?!"


my condolances for your tough times though, life is a bitch and ya got no choice but to dance with her

8I

I would prefer being seen as an angsty, whiny, attention-seeking teenager than be dead, so I suppose I'll continue to talk about it. It's been becoming a legitimate fear lately, and coupled with the fact that I fear that I can't control what the me of the future will do RIGHT NOW, it just kind of makes it really crippling for me.

I'm just sick of the bullshit here. Everything. I put my life on hold for my grandparents who can't get along and like to use me in their passive-aggressive games, all the while they complain that either they can't die fast enough or the other can't die fast enough. In between their spats with each other, they like to belittle me and make sure I remember that I had a great opportunity that flopped and it's all my fault and now I'm not worth anything and I'll never be worth anything unless I do what they say, when they say, how they say it.

All of my family is like that, really. I hope I'm never like that.

You just flippantly dismissed the entire process of psychotherapy, fyi.

who, me or her

You, by saying "I find that those that talk about it are less likely to do it BECAUSE they're not truly suicidal. they are searching for attention."


There's a difference between demanding attention and admitting you need a hand up.

yeah well...when someone makes a journal post saying nothing but

"The fact that I am moving out in August is the only thing stopping me from my second suicide attempt."

that isnt asking for help, of needing a "hand up"
thats waving the "pay attention to me and feel bad for me and make me feel important with your comments" flag around.

now if it was someone saying

"im sad and __________________ is going on. im overwhelmed and i need help, advice, comfort..please talk to me, ive nowhere else to turn"

that would seem more legitamately in need



just sayin

And it's a valid point; suicide attempts or threats thereof are major attention-getters. But you say it like it's a bad thing. . . the whole point of trying to get attention is a subconscious cry for help. Their mouth/fingers may not have said/typed "someone help me" but by publicly confessing to suicidal thoughts or behaviors, it's a BIG red flag for someone to step in and help them.

Aw, hun... I'm so sorry you feel that way... If you ever feel like talking about it to me, I won't mind. I'm always willing to be there for anyone who needs someone to talk to. ; ~; *hugs*

*hugs* I just wish there was like, another house I could stay at for a night. Or like, a week or something x.x It wouldn't be so bad if I had friends in the area to whisk me away and have a fun night with.

God, I know that feeling, I used to have a friend like that, but ever since he got his clingy gf, he's never had time for his friends cause she's too paranoid to let him hang out with any of them... If I ever live near you, I'd certainly have sleep overs with you, cause you're super cool, and you deserve it. :3

Awwh, thanks ;o;

It's just really draining here. They bitch about 'you have depression get off your ass and fix it', but anyone who knows anything about depression knows that doesn't work BI Especially the nagging. I don't know. it just seems juvenile when I say it, but all it does is make more more depressed and drain me of more energy.

And there is defs bad mojo in the air too, but that's another story completely.

Oh god, I know... My Gma's to blame for part of my trauma, but when I finally broke down infront of her and told her about it, all she did was tell me that I'd have to "learn get over it", that it "couldn't have been avoided", and that it was my fault in the the first place. I was so upset, and she just kept telling me to calm down and stop crying. How the hell is telling someone to do either of those things ever done anything but made the situation worse? Ugh, she feels no guilt for what she did, and acts like I'm just a hysterical drama queen, it's ridiculous... I want out of here so bad. So I totally understand the whole nagging and not understanding depression stuff, it seems like so many people who don't have it treat it like it's nothing, it's horrible.
Sorry, if I seem like I'm talking about myself too much... I like to bring up stories of my experiences as examples when I know what someone's going through, I always feel like if I was hurt by something and someone could compare to me, that I would enjoy to know someone else who's felt my pain. I've always thought that feeling like you're not alone, and that someone can truly understand and empathize was the best way to help someone feel better, along with listening to their problem(s) ofcourse. I know just hearing "I'm sorry" or "I wish there was something I could do" or "that sucks" are always the least helpful to me, makes me feel worse about it. > x<

No, I know the feeling myself. That's how I generally try to help people out, by showing them my similarities, so they know that they are not alone. And it does make me feel better. Thank you~

And it's true. People who don't suffer from depression often cause people with depression to be driven further into it by saying things like "Get off your ass and get over it". It isn't just that that is a difficult thing to do, but also that those people are saying "IT'S SO SIMPLE, YOU ARE JUST A LAZY FUCK".

Aw, well I'm glad~ I know some people have gotten upset about it before thinking that I just wanted to talk about myself. ; u;

Yeah, for the longest time, I started feeling more miserable and hating myself, cause I thought that it was that simple and that I was just so weak that I couldn't handle my traumas. Not after I got raped tho, most that actually know what happened to me treat me like it never happen and get upset with me when I'm having a hard time handling myself, it's been really upsetting recently. I've decided even more recently to just not worry about it anymore, because they'll never understand unless they go through what I went through. One of my friends told me he understood what I was going through because he had to suffer through his mother dying, and all that did was piss me off. No offense to him, but that's nowhere near the same, I lost my mother when I was 4, so I know. How you believe those are anywhere the same thing?

That's like, almost worse than just saying "I don't know how it must feel, but I'm here for you", seriously. But I find that most people without such experiences tend to see THEIR worst experience as just as bad as anyone else's. Like I'll be like "I've been emotionally abused since I was ten", and one of my better-off friends would be like "Yeah, my mom is so mean too, they wouldn't give me $500 to go on a trip to Japan" and I'm just like ":I Must be hard for you."

I literally used to have a friend who used to bitch about her life whenever I brought up anything REMOTELY negative, like it was a competition to see whose life was more messed up. Meanwhile she lived in a complete household with parents that seemed perfectly reasonable, who paid her 30k per year tuition that I had to scrape through loans and scholarships to get, AND they paid for her to live in off-campus housing in a rather nice apartment, while I had to scrape through my loans and scholarships just to live in the dorms and barely be able to afford the supplies because it was my DREAM SCHOOL.

Holy crap! Yeah I really hate the competitive ones, it's like, "Really? I feel like shit right now, and all you can do is compete over who's had a shittier life, instead comforting me and possibly sympathizing with me?!" I never believe the stories those kinds of friends/people tell, cause I feel like that if they had gone through such horrible shit, that they really would be sympathizing and not making a competition out of it. :/

Those who still complain over the tiniest of shit when they've had everything handed to them on a silver platter certainly piss me of the most though, it's even worse with the ones that want to commit suicide over it, too. Makes you feel like everything's meaningless if you can still complain at that level of happiness, or make you feel really offended that someone with that little of hardship has the right to claim their life is so horrible, especially if they don't even recognize how much worse their life could be. Makes me think the world really has gone to the shitter with all these horrible people walking around.

Hell, I've been abused in every way possible since I was 6 years old, my mother died of brain cancer two months after I turned 4 years old, my grandfather died of a huge heart-attack the night before he had promised to take me to a movie for my 8th birthday, the last only good member of my family moved to Texas and could never come around to protect me since I was 11 years old, my 18 year old sister (who was the only one I could still call family) is a terrible alcoholic and has already been in the emergency room four times for it, my sister is also suicidal, my best friend (not anymore, luckily) raped me more than ten times and forced me into a relationship with him by blackmailing me with threats to commit suicide and have it blamed on me, my dad and my grandmother forced me to have an abortion by threatening to kick me out onto the streets if I refused (even though I was working on getting it adopted), and I was gang-raped by two men and one woman while I was visiting SF for a friend's 21st birthday in mid-October of last year... ALL of that and more has happened to me an more, and yet I STILL know that I haven't had anywhere NEAR the shittiest life anyone has ever had in this country, let alone the entire world! How can I be so modest about my own traumas, and yet there are people out there with nearly perfect lives who still get sympathy for the bullshit they bitch about? It's just plain insulting...

Then there are the opposite types of people, who dismiss things that are rough like nothing happened. I have to admit to enjoying being in their company though, since my first and only fiance(so far, we've since broken up on mutual term because I want to be a boy O.o), was just like that. He seriously like, laughed off being attacked by a pitbull and getting robbed at gunpoint, and then a few months later forgot to mention to me that he got hit by a car and broke his leg(we were living in different cities at that point). As much as I was like, worried and it shocked me, it also helped me see that some people can deal with things so well. I'm a little jealous, but knowing people like that has also helped me a bit.

The biggest problem for me is the 'not seeing a way out', or not being able to see the hardship ending. I don't want to struggle for fifty or sixty years more. But I guess there is always that tiny glimmer of hope in the back of my mind. Or at least guilt knowing what I'd be leaving behind and all.

Oh wow, that is a pretty strong person! Originally I thought you meant the ones that act like your hardship is nothing, but are extremely sensitive to any hardship in their own life. lol

I certainly understand the "never seeing the hardship ending" part, whenever the shock finally wears off from one hardship and I can finally start repairing, it seems like another just decides to throw itself at me... I cling to that little glimmer of hope like my life depends on it, otherwise I'd probably be considering suicide once again, myself. I don't think I could ever let myself do that though, I'd end up breaking the hearts of all the ones that make my life worth living, and a few of them may just end up giving up on life if I ever did. I'm the last good thing my gf has left in her life, and I know I'd never forgive myself if I ever helped lead her down that path. Dx

I love you babyyy. :< -kisses and cuddles- Cheer uuuup. <3

I will watch more ROSMT. :I And then follow their instruction.

I'm sorry to hear that buddy D:
I can relate to the feeling, especially right now...its the people I love that keep me here, because I know how devastated they'd be if I was gone. You just remember those people in your life, they give you value that you may not always see in yourself.

You're an awesome artist, and awesome creative mind, and I'm sure you're an awesome partner! You are, over all, an incredible person, you just need to hang in there until the storm passes <333

That's what always helps, knowing that people would miss me. Like, seriously, it's probably the only reason I've failed before @_@ I know it's incredibly selfish of me and I just can't bring myself to hurt THEM that much.

;u; I'm so sick of this storm

The wonky hand of Fate can often throw us a curve ball and sometimes that it hits us square in the nuts... We just need to pick ourselves up, deal with the brief ache and get back in the game ;)

Depression sucks. Keep your mind occupied as much as possible (for instance I have music playing pretty much the entire time I'm awake) and try to dwell more on the GOOD times with the people (and pets) that you love, rather than the bad stuff... Easier to say than do, I know, but it's worth the effort :)

Possibly a good idea to see your doc about it too (if you haven't already) and mebbe get something to help deal with things until it all calms down :) Or even just get yourself some St John's Wort. Not sure how effective it is, but the placebo affect alone should help a bit :)

I've heard St. John's Wort helps a LOT, actually, from someone who is used to taking depression medications, even. So yeah, I think that will be my next expense. I found it on Etsy for only about 15 bucks for 100 pills, a lot better than some depression meds as well >.<

*offers consoling hug*

It sucks to be down like that. It's never a pleasant place to be.. but take comfort in the fact that many people fail to recognize that they've sunken that far and don't admit they need to talk to someone. It's a step in the right direction to say out loud, "I'm struggling. I can't do this. I need to talk." And it's also very brave.

I've been in that place and it's scary as hell.


It helped me to spend time with people.. even strangers. I'd go wander stores, the mall, anything to not be alone with myself until the urges passed. Getting fresh air and sunshine seemed to help me, and also I did some volunteer work with the Humane Society and with a local group that does animal therapy with emotionally damaged kids. It might seem weird, but being supportive to someone who needs you, and feeling their gratitude for it and watching them recover from the same kind of pit you're stuck in gives you hope and strength.


Another thing I did was found a local blood-draw clinic that does basic bloodwork for $20 on Mondays and ran mine, and I found out I was really deficient in iron and vitamin D. Like, REALLY deficient. I haven't had a major depressive episode since I started taking supplements and cutting toxin filled processed fake foods out of my diet, too. I'm not saying it WILL help you out but suggesting that there may be small changes you can make in your life that may help you feel less black inside.

I wish you the best of luck and you have my deepest feelings of hope and totally not creepy love and support. <3

People always say stuff like "You're strong" or "You're brave", but idk, I just do not feel it. Like, ever. I wonder where people get it ;u; But it makes me feel a bit better nonetheless.

It's my belief that lying to yourself is unforgivable, so it just seems, while fairly difficult, only logical to admit defeat when you have been defeated. Better than continuing on without any help or giving up because you refuse to allow your pride to be hurt a little bit. I hate the prospect of giving up because I refuse to use the 'human resource' when it is available.

I do try to eat healthy. I'm usually very good about it. I like to eat coconut milk yogurt with organic maple granola and stuff like that rather than candy or anything like that, and when I DO feel good, it makes me feel better, but when I get like this, I stuff myself with junk food. Having low blood sugar doesn't particularly help either because when I get hungry I get shaky and agitated and don't feel like exerting the energy to eat healthier D: I know it's self-defeating, but I'm self-defeating at times.

I take Vitamin D pills just to like, try and help me out a bit. I'll be getting in some St. John's Wort soonish hopefully. So maybe that will also make a difference. I believe in living healthy, eating organic and all that good junk, so I think once I get back on my rails it won't be hard to stay there.

Thank you~ I don't find it creepy at all, lol. You'll have to try harder to be a creep ;P

I dunno. Maybe strength and bravery are just what it means to feel weak and useless and scared but to still move forward and do your best, regardless. It doesn't FEEL brave but by refusing to give into your fear and self-doubt, you prove it wrong. <3

These things often tend to run in cycles with your body rhythms. some people get worse in winter, some women (like me) get way worse around certain points in their menstrual cycles, etc. If it becomes frequent for you, maybe keeping a journal would help. Every day, write down what happened to you, how your health is, what you did, what you ate, and how you FEEL. Then when you're trying to figure out what triggers your depressive episodes and suicidal behavior, you can compare the highs and lows to your schedule and see if there are any commonalities, to give you a starting place. ^^;

That's about how I eat.. I do semi-vegetarian, organic, whole foods with limited intake of sugar, carbs, starches. etc. . . until something sets me off .. stress gets too much, my birthday, the anniversary of my friend's death, etc, and I start to slide down into my little private dark space and then I'm all about Big Macs and Ben & Jerry's. :\ Luckily, most of these tend to be pretty short-lived and I move on, but they wreak havoc on my diet in the meanwhile, lol.


Bu..bu.buu.. I don't wanna be creepy! I just wanted to express a nice, platonic, clean, wholesome love for my fellow human being without coming across as an overly personal-space invading internet pervert. ^^;

I tend to get worse about stuff likt that in the winter when I can't go out cuz SNOW AND ICE, but the last two winters I lived in Georgia and then Virginia, so winters weren't so bad. I spent this winter in Maine, and I BALLOONED. B( I'm really disgusted with myself. Two years ago, I'd be wearing short shorts and riding my bike to work by this point instead of being 200lbs and driving everywhere cuz Maine is full of HILLS.

No worries, you aren't being creepy ;3

;_; I wish I was 200 again!

I hit 300 last year and said HELL NO. Now I'm down to 260 and have about 80 pounds to go to my goal weight. It's a fight but it makes me feel SO much better doing it... I hope you have good luck reaching your goal too! :D

My average weight is USUALLY around 135-145lbs, but I am also short as hell, so yeah XD I can honestly say that I don't think my body is all too bad-looking, it is just bad-feeling. Also my boobs are like, 50lbs or something on their own XD They're huge. And in the way. And don't help my gender dysphoria at all. Really, that is the biggest reason for me to want to get healthy again. I want to be able to pass, but it is awfully hard when you are a big, curvy transman. B(

D: I can see how that would make things extremely difficult for you.

I can't really say why you feel so down, but hey - if you ever need someone, I'm usually around. I know you don't know me, but I know what it's like to be alone on these things and when it feels like no one can help you, it makes it that much worse...

It's a lot of stuff. I know why I am so down, I just don't know how to ESCAPE it. Yet, at least. I have to wait. All of my life has been spent waiting to escape bad situations, it seems. :/

Welcome to the boat, brothaaaaaa...I feel the same freaking way. And sorry, I should word things better, but my head is swimming in mucus, I can barely think. Or see. xD;;

Well, I might be able to help (unless it's financial ;x) if you just need guidance. :x