So I went to the ER the other day after having a few manic episodes and contemplating suicide I realized I needed to act now or I was done for. After going to the ER I was seen by 3 people. One for an initial evaluation to determine how seriouse my case was then soon after a student doctor and then a Psychiatrist. I was subjected to evaluations for all of 9 hours.

In the end I was perscribed with medication to treat bipolar disorder. I'm on 500mg of Divalproex and 10mg of Citalopram. I've been taking them for about half a week now. I'm definitely not suicidal. I'm not manic, and I'm not depressed... so I guess they're working. Except they make me numb and feel extremely docile and weak. I live with no visible fear of anxiety but I'm so weak.

I no longer really game much I just sit and watch japanese videos and cute things. I feel like if someone poked me with a pin I'd feel nothing... is this what getting better is for me... better is numb......

Oh well.... I don't totally hate it, it feels warm and safe.... I hate this needy feeling I have all the time because I feel so helpless but... at least I'm alive....