It's really hard for me to believe I've only been down in California for a week now. I keep freaking out about needing to get college apps filed and job apps in thinking I've been here like a month, but looking at the date has me twacked out. I blame he weekend...

So yeh, I've been gone a week. It's been rough, I've been emotional and I've had bumps. I've even been drilled into for blowing up my twitter with shit. So what's the actual status on life?

Starting with the obvious, living with my parents is weird. After a near 4 year break from each other, things have settled down significantly but they've settled akwardly with both parties not really knowing how to fully deal with the other. I keep my space and they give it to me, but there's still lil moments of tension. They still argue over stupid shit that makes me uncomfortable, my dad, though capable of handling his anger issue alot better, still has occasional complexes like how I'm not my sister's parent and shouldn't be correcting her behavior. The gay thing has been heavily avoided as much as possible, though my mom and I did have a bit of a row about my wardrobe (specifically about my pair of pink frilly dainties). My grandma is a shocker. Once the first and pretty much only person in the family down here to accept and not overly judge me on my sexuality and life choices, has nearly flipped a 180 and has been grilling me hard about things like my wardrobe and how it an my collar 'imposes my sexuality and lifestyle choices on others.' and how 'Normal people don't want me shoving my lifestyle choices and orientation down their throats'. This has had me a lil unnerved and was exacerbated by my Friday Night Magic venture where the majority of the players for the night sat and cracked gay jokes like it was going out of style. Bakersfield still has me feeling really closed in where my sexuality is concerned; it's just not the same as seattle where I don't feel I have to guard my actions or personalities from people because it's just not that big a deal. Here, I get more than a few raised eyebrows if I walk around in public in my zombie ninja T :/

Socially I've felt a lil lonely. Save meeting up with a a couple friends from highschool and another local friend that helped me reorganize my room, I've kept pretty to myself, which just given my personality and the situation was a bad combination :/ The furry community here seems really split, supposedly involving some guy and drama that happened to ruin meets and junk? I don't really know the whole story. In regards to new friends; I haven't gotten very fair with being imobile, and it hasn't helped that one of the few people I'd actually been able to get ahold of suddenly raged on me about how I'm some sort of attention whoring whiny bitch...that did loads for my self esteem and the situation as a whole :/ As an after effect, I've taken down stray social sites I had accounts with like FX and have severely cut my friends lists on Twitter, Facebook and FA. I kinda just went on a personal rage and wanted to wipe out stuff, cuz the more I think about it the more I miss just having a tight nit group of really close friends :/

On the financial front I've hit some bumps, though I can't say they weren't expected. I was right in assuming my parents wouldn't be able to fit the bill on paying my tuition AND buying me a car. On the car front I'll be doing the payments and the insurance/gas/maintenance while they handle the 1000$ down payment and where school is concerned though they'll do their best to help me out, I may come out of pocket with that as well where grants and loans fail. I may even need to use my scholarship from Pokemon which I was hoping to save for when I aim to transfer in to University back up north. Now don't get me wrong, any help is better than none and I GET that...but the problem isn't just me being some spoiled brat expecting his parents to do everything, it's that the agreement my parents baited me into moving with entailed that I'd pretty much have nothing to pay for save my own leisures. What it all comes down to is that, be it responsible or not, had I 100% known this was going to happen, I might've opted to stay in WA and claw my way back o stability on my own, than uprooted myself and left behind the life I'd been building myself for 4 years and all the people that came with it.

Happy news update for the day though is that after today I DO in fact have a car, which will hopefully start getting things easier for me to manage as I'm able to travel around the area and get myself out of the house. I'm locked into about 400$ a mo in car expenses which goes back to the previous discussion on my parents buying my car, but ultimately the way I'm viewing it is that A) I'm down here now and I can't much do anything about that and B) It'll pry mean more to me paying the car off with my own money. It does come with a couple bad news points though. The first is kinda trivial but still has me a lil worried. I set aside a good 1300$ in my WA savings acc to cover a contingency plan that if, at any time, things get too hard to deal with here, I can use that money to relocate myself (back to WA) but I had to take 700$ out of it to help with the down payment. Ultimately not that big a deal as I'll easily be able to make it up once I have a job and all, but it's still got me a lil anxious. More importantly though is that I found out today that I may need to transfer my driver's license after all which will lose me my WA state residency. What this means is that in 2 years if I still plan to move back to WA for university, I will no longer have residency in the state and will have higher tuition costs which could ultimately fuck over my plans to jump right back into school and could also force me to stay in CA until I'm completely done with my education...I know this may sound like a stupid worry, but to me it kinda hit me a lil hard. I really want to be back in the seattle area. I miss my friends, I miss my town and I miss my ex :/ And anything that makes me feel like I won't be able to go back to any of that really sucks for me.

On a more positive note, employment has been just as easy as I thought it would be. My first day out got me 3 on the spot interviews and another scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. All 3 prospectives WANT to hire me, but one was only hiring seasonal, the second needed to clear hiring me with his GM and the 3rd has to hold a manager meeting to see where they could put me. Another application on friday landed me another on site interview and he wants to hire me as an expo but again needs to talk with his GM. And lastly I applied to the local Famous Dave's Sunday night. Having been with the company before and being as experienced as I am with them, hiring me would solve a lot of his problems. He has me coming in tomorrow afternoon to talk to a couple of the other managers. Ultimately just as easy as I thought it would be and I aim to have something by the end of the week.

And that just about wraps it up with what I've been up to honestly. It's been a rough week on me, and I miss WA alot, butI'm forcing myself to just stick it out. I need to go to school. I need to get my life going like I wanted to years ago. This is the best way to do it, but I hate being away from the people that've have made the last 4 years of my life fun and meaningful. I started into this week a lil discouraged, but after today it's picked up and hopefully can stay that way a while.

Lastly I don't wanna write up these update journals for attention. I'm not doing it to gain sympathy. I'm legitimately just letting the people that follow me and actually care how stuff is going down know how stuff is going down. If you follow me on here, or twitter and don't like how my posts go, or find me to be too depressing for you to handle, please do ME a favor and unfollow me. I don't wanna cause anymore waves with people. I come online to vent, I journal here because it's the only website I feel comfortable using that my parents don't watch (twitter doesn't count cuz I can't journal there), so please don't take offense and I apologize ahead of time if I DO get a lil TOO down on a situation. I don't mean to.

Anyways thanks for stopping in. I'm pry going to write up one of these a week or so. Or a the least when something worthwhile happens.

P.S. I'm trying to hit up Califur this weekend. I really wanna go and get outta the house, and think that going to a con to do so would be the shit. If things work out, I hope to see a few of you there. You should hit me up and maybe we can hang out for a bit.

Anyways, I'm heading out now.

xCetra