I seriously feel like I'm on the verge of just giving up. There are days that I feel pretty good, there are other days that are not so good and there are the days that begin good but then eventually go to crap.

The days that are not good are the days I reflect on quite a bit really. I'm struggling to keep up with bills, getting my house payment in and always worrying about the next payment and whether or not I'll have a roof over my head next month. My internet is shut off and I rely on my phone for checking a few things online, I live for the internet because I love to stay connected with people. I miss chatting on messenger with my friends whom some have my phone number to call or text me, but usually ends up costing me on my phone bill.

I'm pretty much broke 3/4 the time, I do have a temporary fix for a job at the moment but what I make usually covers some of my bills and house payment but leaves me dry for anything else spending wise on myself. I am in need of a full-time or even a part-time job that at least has benefits and insurance I can use should anything ever happen to me where I cannot pay out of pocket or not resort to having to do payments.

I've failed at trying to have people rent out a room from me so a little extra cash flow would help out in my situation but those have all failed miserably.

Days that are good for me are days when I can talk to friends on the phone or sometimes get to see my family. They help a bit in letting me forget my situation even if it's temporary until I go back and I'm faced with bills, shortage of money and being unemployed.

Today was one of those good turns to shit days, right now I'm just happy to be home, I feel like crying and I just need someone to lend a shoulder to cry on and listen to me for a little while.

Everything just piles up on me bills, no money, stress, not having a decent job. I've begun to lose interest in things I once enjoyed, I need for something to change in my life soon I don't think I can keep going on like this every day. I am sure all this stress and frustration is not helping my health or state of being by any means.

If for some reason I show up less and less on here please do not worry, I might be taking some time off to clear my head, prioritize my life and square things away.