Sometimes it's really nice to know that no one reads these. I had an experience the other day in which I became almost completely detached from reality and was afraid to come back. I didn't want to come back because I felt like it was returning to a prison. As I willed myself to return, that part of me who didn't want to do so screamed and thrashed and fought as if she were being dragged into hellfire. I remember the screaming so vividly. And suddenly it was okay again.... I was back in reality, that strong emotion was gone, and life wasn't so bad, just like always. But I cant help but wonder where that came from, and if that part of me who I can't seem to find was onto something. It believed that I'm slowly killing myself with what i'm doing, leading a normal stable life, waiting for death as a mindless flock fodder for... something awful, I don't know. My family keeps telling me to find some sort of passion, something I love doing that makes life worth living. I can't begin to imagine what that is, honestly. It disturbs me so much that she was right when she said I was so calmly and patiently waiting for death. I look forward to my final day so much, and its only now that I consider that might not be normal. I RP and play video games a lot simply to escape reality. But now that i'm starting my career and "life"... I dont have time for such things and its making life pass by so much slower. Death seems further and further away with each passing day, and I don't want to be impatient or anything, but jeez, i'm only 21 and already running out of things to do to pass the time. Obviously, suicide is not an option... I wouldn't be opposed to a timely lightning strike or something though. If anyone DID take the time to read this, I'm sorry.