WARNING: Rant of frustration peppered with strong language ahead. Reader discretion is advised.

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I really am fucking tired of it. Y'know? This isn't so much the "Age of Reason" as it is the Age of Disbelief, or the Age of Cynicism. And it's really starting to piss me off.

What am I supposed to do when I talk about spiritual warfare and people talk like I'm crazy? "I'm concerned about you." Fuck your concern! If you care that fucking much about me, maybe you oughta take the fucking blinders off! I can't stand it when people talk about my spiritual experiences as if they were neuroses, or just a "mountain high". For the record, Mom? Dad? It just took place in the mountains. That doesn't mean what I had wasn't real. But hey, apparently you know more about the faith than me since you've lived so long. Except I learned more about the personality of Jesus from a friggin' book than I ever did from you. No offense. I'm kinda just venting here, and I know I'm harsher on everyone... well... some of the time. Other times, I'm pretty sure I'm right on the money, but it seems these days I have too much doubt to be sure. Ain't that a bitch?

Listen up. I'm tired of this nonsense. We are at war; ACT LIKE IT. Do you really think things ended with Jesus' victory? The cross, the resurrection, the ascension? Do you think it's over? Then you must think the Apostles were idiots because they sure as hell didn't think it was over. It's right there in the Bible, people! They knew the devil was up to something. They knew that the persecutions they suffered were not entirely the fault of their tormentors. They recognized that it was This Present Darkness that was working against them. The devil's been around for thousands upon thousands of years. Longer than we've been around. And yet the attitude that keeps cropping up is that somehow that's all over. That we don't need to fight, that either the devil is powerless or that Jesus will do all the fighting while we sit on our asses at church and sing pretty songs about him.

Really. May I ask what all has changed to bring that about? What happened to make it so we don't have to fight? Can you name it? Can't be the Ransom Jesus paid. The Apostles certainly took spiritual warfare seriously. Assuming they weren't idiots or superstitious, things must have changed between then and now. So what was it? Did the devil just give up? Did he and God reach a new agreement? Are his forces (a third of heaven's might, remember?) all used up, or deserted?

Or does he just want you to think that?

I'm not crazy, all right? It's not an illogical thing to believe. Everything's possible, provided you have the time and resources. And the devil's time is short. If you were an evil, envious little bastard of a fallen angel, what would you do? I know I sure as hell wouldn't stop fighting. I'd have no reason to. If I'm going to lose, I may as well drag as many down into darkness and misery as I can. It's not hard to imagine how evil thinks. It's so small-minded.

So. Are any of you willing to look this in the face? Are any of you ready and able to accept that life is more like The Lord of the Rings than Seinfeld? Are you going to listen to the discontent of your heart that longs for a better life and world?

Or are you just going to cower and hope he doesn't target you? That he won't pour salt in the wounds he gave you, that maybe he'll just leave you be? Heh. I suppose I might as well ask myself the same question. But I wouldn't ask it of you if I wasn't willing to ask it of myself.

I need allies, people. More than friends. Something closer to the Aussie concept of "mates". A band of brothers. A pack. Ye gods, you've no idea how I long for that. How I crave to be in a small group of like-minded people ready to storm the gates of hell. To seek out the wounded, the broken-hearted, the captives and casualties of this damnable war. My heart breaks to think of so many living in misery because they don't have God in their lives as Father, Brother... even Lover. How they just "get on with it" and live lives of quiet desperation and secret discontent. Terry Pratchett recognized it. It's really frightening to think that one of our greatest abilities is to adapt and accept nearly any situation. Even ones that kill the soul and dash the heart's needs and wants into a thousand pieces. It infuriates me to think on how the devil laughs as he tugs the strings, slipping foul thoughts into unguarded minds and hearts, whispering foul lies that bind them to him.

Do you think he's powerless? He's not. There's a reason we're commanded to "take every thought captive to Jesus". Some of them are not our own. Is it really you that wants to kill that guy who just cut you off in traffic? Is "road rage" a natural result of human aggression and too much stress? If I have a school project due today or tomorrow, and my mind won't stop thinking in circles on all that I have to do, is that just my own nerves, my own brand of insanity? Is it natural for a man to have the urge to divorce his wife simply because she suggested, only trying to be helpful, that he ask for directions?

People. Really. You think it's just us that's made this world so damn messed up? You think it's just the sin inside the human soul that's responsible? Please. Why don't you try selling me real estate in the Florida Everglades? I'm sure I can find some "Ocean-Front Property in Arizona" if you're interested.

Enough of this nonsense. This isn't the Age of Reason. This is the Age of Let's Pretend All the Pretty Lights We Make Scared the Devil Away. As if technology and science could trump the powers of a former arch-angel. They fly between atoms like we walk through air. As fun as Ghostbusters is, the devil is far too subtle and clever to let himself be trapped by mere humans. It's much easier for them if we think they don't exist. Manifesting only clears away the grey fog they use to obscure black and white. Far better to leave us clueless.

Are you awake yet? Are you going to take the Red Pill, follow Gandalf on the road, walk through the Wardrobe? Or will you surround yourself with simple, shallow pleasures to numb the cry in your heart? Or perhaps crush your discontent with duties and obligations instead of risking an adventure? They make you late for tea, you know.

WAKE UP. Don't you remember what all the stories taught you? The fairy tales, the myths, the books you love so well? Surely you know the Three Lessons?

There is more to this world than what we can see.

There is a war happening right now, between good and evil.

There is a role for you to play.

You are needed. Men, where is your strength? Women, where is your beauty? We need you! I need you! God help me, I've tried to fight alone and it only gets me heartbreak. I know my vision's not perfect. I know I've been unfair, held people to standards they can't meet. I've used this or that in their words and actions to denounce them as useless to me. Maybe useless to the cause. The worst part is I know I'm not completely wrong. But I won't excuse the times I have been. I just know I need more than friends. I need packmates, warriors, fighters. I need the strength of other men. I need the beauty of women. I need allies who will fight for me and with me. Why I haven't found them, I don't know. A combination of many things, I am sure, not the least is the demon of Isolation that twists my thoughts. It's so very hard to seek allies when your mind focuses only on the disagreements and differences.

I don't care anymore. I admit, perhaps I give John Eldredge too much credit. But dammit, I can't find anyone else who gives me so much hope! I still drift, I know that. I spend too much time on my computer, I don't pray, and I don't seek God. But I still remember how it felt to read Wild At Heart for the first time. To finally feel like someone had pierced all my hubris and nonsense and gotten right to my heart. To see the unknown feelings and fears put into words I did not have. Can anyone blame me if I proclaim him to be this era's Martin Luther? We always need someone to prod us back toward God, toward Jesus, even though they have faults and failings. And God sends them. Every time. And in some ways, I take solace in that. It can be daunting to realize even the man I find so enthralling needs help as much as me. But then if he struggles and still has faith, why can't I?

I am sorry if I have ever been, or will be, ungracious toward everyone around me. Please understand, this is often just frustration and spiritual warfare. And yes, a bit of pride. Yet I cannot wait any longer. These are the stakes. Do you understand? Doesn't it break your heart to think of how he's out there, right now, twisting so many hearts into miserable pawns he can use? And hurting those he can't? I know he did it to me. I was something of an unselfish child. Then second grade rolled around and I tried making friends with the wrong guys. You can't tell me that was all them. The words didn't stop even when the teasing did. I don't think they ever did. They just got quieter.

WAKE UP. You are not safe. You are not home yet. And they won't stop shooting at you just because you ask nicely. These are your choices: fight your way to freedom and a life of joy, or cower and hope they won't torture you too much. There is no middle ground. There is no room for debate. Fight. I will join you, and I promise I will be the fiercest ally you have. I am imperfect, I am neurotic, and I may hurt you at times. For that, I am sorry. But if you help me, I will help you. We can beat this together. Don your armor. Take up your sword. Summon the angel armies and cover yourself in his blood. Renounce the demons and your old heart. Seek repentance. Ask for the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Warriors, to come upon you. Claim the riches he has set aside for you in heaven. Put your friends, family, and everything you love and desire in his hands. And above all, fight.

They need us. They need you. I beg of you... answer the call! This is our most desperate hour. I know not how close the end may be, but I promise you there are dark days ahead. There is no more time. You cannot remain asleep any longer. Wake up and FIGHT!