I just have some stuff that has been playing through my head that needs to get put down before I lose my mind.

I miss having someone beside me as more then a friend, I miss having a mate. Someone who I can run to when times go dark and just lay in their arms and know that I matter to someone and that the world will continue to spin. I never used to mind single life but as of late it has been making me drag. This could also be because normally I have a fuzzy dog I can snuggle with when things get hard and right now I don't have that ether and won't be getting one till I move into my own place where I can get the breed I want... my mom is set on only allowing a small yappy dog into the house if I have to get one while I'm still living here.

On the note about a place, I'm work hard to correcting my stupid and foolish mistakes I made while I was just getting into the world after High School. They're making it hard for me to find a place I can afford and buy. Along with all this, my work is giving me 16 to 24hrs MAX a week... just a few hours more then the 20 I got while working in New Hampshire on the Weekend team. I need the money because, my mom's going to start asking for rent... I need to fix my motorcycle, I need to fix my stupid mistakes, I want/need to move out of this house (I was reminded why I moved to NH after day 1 of being back..) and just a bunch of other things. I can afford to feed myself and my reptiles.. thank god we don't eat much... and I can fill my car with gas... other then this I can't do anything else saving wise.

On the topic of work, it's been the main problem right now... both hour wise and other. I hit a low point in my life at work on Sunday, and my co-workers didn't help by what they did. It felt like, since I was the new person in the area, I was getting blamed for a lot of the stuff going on... it carried over to Tuesday where I was almost out of my low but it came back. I have not been trained on how to open or close properly. I've never been an opening or closing CSA.. I don't know what to do when I can't find boxes a home and i don't know if I should find them a home or Top Stock them... in the morning I'm rushing against time to finish about 2 or more pages of Stock to see if we have them or not all while helping people and restocking the ones we do have. When the next person comes in, they don't know how busy it's been. I was told to Zone and help people, nothing else after the IRPs.... then when I'm trying to get help from a Co-worker I can't... Paint can be swamped with 5 or more people needing paint or questions asked and I'm just one person. I move fast and can do it but it stresses me out badly. Questions I don't know how to answer get asked and, ether no one is around... or no one is working that can answer... I havn't learned everything yet. I'm also not big on standing up for myself, if someone comes at me I normally roll onto my back and just let it go over. I don't like getting other people into trouble, I'm still sad I got a manager fired in New Hampshire for being a witness to what happened, and it was just my name they were told saw it. They called and asked me what happened, and I couldn't lie. Went into work and he wasn't there anymore.

I just feel invisible when it comes to work. I tried to make it okay by joking, telling myself I am a really good ninja finally but it lasts so long.

My health seems to be going left and right, the stress from work is probably not helping one bit. My Psoriasis is returning on my hands and feet... I thought I'd be okay as long as it didn't cover my head again but I can't feel that way much longer. My blood pressure has been high, even on meds. I've felt a pain in my head as if someone came in and played around with the nerves and stepped on the side of my brain and I've been having a numb feeling in my body randomly. My chest pains have been coming back in full swing, which makes me think, and worry, that something other then my angina is going to be causing it soon.

I've been missing my dad's side of the family a lot lately and missing my cousin, the only good and honest friend I've kept from childhood to now. We've lost touch but still are family and friends. I just know my uncle isn't doing to good and it'd kill me not to see him again. I'm trying to, still, track down my Native American blood from his side so I can file with the Government, despite it being listing as my race with Social Security and on all my records they still want more then that to register me... this would both help me with school and medical, but it's a slow work in progress...

I'm hoping I can get a full time job before enrollment comes back around so I can have better benefits at work... assuming I'm still there. I need dental work and glasses or contacts, my mom said she's get me glasses but I really don't want to wear them.. they're to easy for me to just take off and forget where I put them if I walk away... contacts you have leave in till night and they go in a home in the same place each night, harder for me to lose.

Anywho I'll end this... if you actually stuck around and read this I admire you and hope you can give me some helping advice on anything listed...