I have a corporate side. There is a side to me that wants little to do with anything but my dreams and aspirations. Forget coming home to family on weekends. There stupid sense of entitlement and that fact that we have to feel so fucking guilty because we are Catholic. This is why I need not just an internship right now, but a solid position. One where I make enough to pay my bills and afford other things. I don't want to be a millionaire persay, or have the responsibilties of a white-collar job. I may be dark, but I don't know if I am that ruthless. Whenever I get in this morbid mood I then have another side of me trying to inject humility into my thoughts. That side keeps telling me to remember that I am only human and that I am no different from anyone else.

But yet I want to be different. I don't want to waste my idle moments just sitting around like the typical quiet American. I want to be constantly scheming up ideas, working to get ahead of the competition. It just hurts so much inside constantly feeling like I'm not doing enough. Having to have my parents hold financial obligations over my head, thats just pure evil. You shouldn't ask me to come home just because it saves me money, you should do it because you want to see and recognize that I am an adult. My distaste for you glows bright red. My stomach feels sick, my thoughts make my anxiety rise. I feel a pain inside that I cannot define. I feel helpless because I have to depend on you both. I feel so weak to fight against it.