Mine in particular..

My mother, in all her wisdom, took too many pills again, and came up short, sending her into withdrawls. Because of this, she missed the deadline for the power bill, and unless the payment she just tried to make goes through, we will be without power temporarily as of tomorrow morning. On top of this, the cellphone bill STILL hasn't been payed, so we can no longer even receive phone calls, where previously we could receive, but not send.

I just gave my dad the my bank card, with my last 40$ to pay for gas until payday. 40$ that had been gifted to me towards paying for the much needed PSU for my computer. They still owe me 60$ from several months ago, and if what I'm hearing is right, I'm not going to see a penny of it until some time into or after September. Unless of course my mother actually adheres to her previous promise, and pays me back THIS payday, in two days. I'm getting sick and tired of both my parent's idiocy when it comes to keeping track of what bills are supposed to be payed when. Because I'm mostly the one to suffer. I'm always put last on the list of importance, after things either of them wants or needs, and the household as a whole. This includes any money lent to them..

As for finding comfort with friends or loved ones, there's not much to be had.. My master is often busy, unavailable, or stressed because of his job. My pet lives more than 12 hours ahead of me, making it hard to talk with him enough to really relieve any of my concerns. My mate's got enough troubles in her own life, so I try not to pester her, since she's almost always busy doing her own stress relief.. And I try not to talk about my problems with my friends, because I don't want to be "That guy who's always whining about something".. But I feel like I've already gotten that image stamped permanently into my forehead..

I'm starting to get overwhelmed to the point where I'm not even really sure why I'm doing anything any more.. There have been days where I just don't want to even get out of bed in the morning, or sit invisible on my messenger when I finally do pry myself from under the comforters.. I've doubted the strength of my relationship, I've wondered why nothing good seems to happen to me, and I've considered not caring about other people's problems any more, because I never get anything out of it but guilt and a cold shoulder..

Being miserable has never felt so... Normal... It's like, this has become my life now. It's not my place to be happy, or have nice things.. Just sit here, and listen to everyone's problems, and soak up all the pain I'm given until I die..

This isn't who I wanted to become...