Under such circumstances a good fan is a must-have thing, being less expensive to run than AC. So a couple of months ago I got a big floor fan (on a pole) and set it up. Imagine my displeasure when I found that despite its size it seemed to be unable to move air very well. It took quite a while before the cause became apparent - the blades of the fan were almost vertical, with almost no pitch at all. Almost as futile as having Spongebob Squarepants stand by doing his karate waving, worse because Spongebob could always go in the kitchen in between times and make some sammidges anyhow. I'll probably wind up having to do some surgery on the fan blades, with a hacksaw and a hot air paint stripper; making sure the result won't be unbalanced will be tricky but doable.

Such is life in metropolitan Lake Flaccid, Texas, where the men are dull, the women are murderous and the children are all sub-par.