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Core Temperature: Meltdown.
13 years ago
General
I think I'm at the end of my rope fellas...... Things just..... I don't know.
If I look at it, my life really isn't that bad. I have a roof over my head, a 2.5 year old Evo that is still decently powerful even in today's standards. I have a pretty powerful desktop computer, I am in a tech school that I won't have to pay for because my Grandparents had money faved up, I have friends, and...well...a MOTHER who loves me anyway...but....
I got turned down for an career entry job as a Staples EasyTech technician, it was nothing big....but....I don't understand....the interview went so well.....and I'm easily qualified. I was very....broken when I heard the professional version of "You didn't get the job."
And my car....my poor car. I have gone through 3 cars in the first year of having my license. Why? Not my fault people keep rear ending me.
First Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=98b8370281
Second Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=4ec8472d75
MY second car....well....we just dumped a ton of cash into it, and the engine has low miles. My second car was pretty much perfect.....so guess what.....we bought another car, and swaped.........EVERYTHING:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=d5b68c1091
But now.....old problems are arising. My engine is overheating......look in long story short I had to close my savings account to pay for repairs. I litterally have enough for ONE more tank of gas....then I'm fucked.
My father refurs to me as a "bitch" and I don't know how much longer I can hold myself back before I punch him in the fucking teeth. I sold his parents house for $500,000 and somehow he can't afford to do ANYTHING. But that's ok dad.... you go to your concerts or make me leave a party with to go pick up YOUR kid (my brother). But let me remind you that "[HE]'S THE ADULT HERE."
I hate my Dad....you know what THERE I FUCKING SAID IT! I HATE HIM. It's terrible to say, but he is no father to me anymore.....he just finances me. He pays for my car insurance, He bought me my third car, and I hate having to rely on him. But I have no income and just can't get a fucking job so I need to. And because of that I have to put up with him calling me and asshole, and a bitch, and CALLING WHO I AM A LIE. He is in like....this bazaar denial about me being gay and has to keep saying shit about it. He treats me like crap.....but...... I need him.
My health is just....fucking a mess. I since the surgery I still get sick when I eat a lot and now more importantly, I am having heart pain that radiates thoughout my body and the only way I can describe it is "feeling like I'm having a heart attack.....without actually having one." I've been trying to be healther. Adding healthier food to my diet. Walking about a mile everyday. Working out more. Drinking less ginerale and A LOT more water. But I am still not doing that well.
And then there's my sexuality to complain about, and I think the problem lies with me. But I am noticing that many homosexual males are just fucking redicious. But.... my problem is.... hell if you looked at me, and saw how I acted, you wouldn't be able to tell I was gay. And you know what, I take pride in that. I don't dress up in rediciously tight clothes, have 50 fucking rainbow colored bracelets, paint my nails, have short hair, have dimand stud earings, and fucking.....*sigh*.... I know that sounds sterotypical of me....and belive me... I argue with myself constantly about it, and I'm beginning to think that gay guys dress and act the way they do.....to let other gay guys, know they're gay. I don't know....my point is that because I don't want to dress/act like that just because it's just not who I am.
Look at me.... I'm babbling and ranting with no organization what so ever.
I feel trapped.
Hurt.
Miserable.
Angry.
Very angry.
I'm always angry.
I don't want to be angry anymore but I just....there's a lot to be angry about
I need something good to happen, or someone to show me that all this SHIT will end up being worth it.
If I look at it, my life really isn't that bad. I have a roof over my head, a 2.5 year old Evo that is still decently powerful even in today's standards. I have a pretty powerful desktop computer, I am in a tech school that I won't have to pay for because my Grandparents had money faved up, I have friends, and...well...a MOTHER who loves me anyway...but....
I got turned down for an career entry job as a Staples EasyTech technician, it was nothing big....but....I don't understand....the interview went so well.....and I'm easily qualified. I was very....broken when I heard the professional version of "You didn't get the job."
And my car....my poor car. I have gone through 3 cars in the first year of having my license. Why? Not my fault people keep rear ending me.
First Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=98b8370281
Second Accident: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=4ec8472d75
MY second car....well....we just dumped a ton of cash into it, and the engine has low miles. My second car was pretty much perfect.....so guess what.....we bought another car, and swaped.........EVERYTHING:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/.....p;l=d5b68c1091
But now.....old problems are arising. My engine is overheating......look in long story short I had to close my savings account to pay for repairs. I litterally have enough for ONE more tank of gas....then I'm fucked.
My father refurs to me as a "bitch" and I don't know how much longer I can hold myself back before I punch him in the fucking teeth. I sold his parents house for $500,000 and somehow he can't afford to do ANYTHING. But that's ok dad.... you go to your concerts or make me leave a party with to go pick up YOUR kid (my brother). But let me remind you that "[HE]'S THE ADULT HERE."
I hate my Dad....you know what THERE I FUCKING SAID IT! I HATE HIM. It's terrible to say, but he is no father to me anymore.....he just finances me. He pays for my car insurance, He bought me my third car, and I hate having to rely on him. But I have no income and just can't get a fucking job so I need to. And because of that I have to put up with him calling me and asshole, and a bitch, and CALLING WHO I AM A LIE. He is in like....this bazaar denial about me being gay and has to keep saying shit about it. He treats me like crap.....but...... I need him.
My health is just....fucking a mess. I since the surgery I still get sick when I eat a lot and now more importantly, I am having heart pain that radiates thoughout my body and the only way I can describe it is "feeling like I'm having a heart attack.....without actually having one." I've been trying to be healther. Adding healthier food to my diet. Walking about a mile everyday. Working out more. Drinking less ginerale and A LOT more water. But I am still not doing that well.
And then there's my sexuality to complain about, and I think the problem lies with me. But I am noticing that many homosexual males are just fucking redicious. But.... my problem is.... hell if you looked at me, and saw how I acted, you wouldn't be able to tell I was gay. And you know what, I take pride in that. I don't dress up in rediciously tight clothes, have 50 fucking rainbow colored bracelets, paint my nails, have short hair, have dimand stud earings, and fucking.....*sigh*.... I know that sounds sterotypical of me....and belive me... I argue with myself constantly about it, and I'm beginning to think that gay guys dress and act the way they do.....to let other gay guys, know they're gay. I don't know....my point is that because I don't want to dress/act like that just because it's just not who I am.
Look at me.... I'm babbling and ranting with no organization what so ever.
I feel trapped.
Hurt.
Miserable.
Angry.
Very angry.
I'm always angry.
I don't want to be angry anymore but I just....there's a lot to be angry about
I need something good to happen, or someone to show me that all this SHIT will end up being worth it.
"If there is nothing else to live for, live for hope. Cause it's what keeps me going."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcZ4lnaEgm0