I need this, and knowing not many will actually read it kinda makes me feel better about saying it.

I have resigned to just waiting for Job Corps. As I read through the packet (which I had originally skimmed at the time I got it) turns out I have a living allowance that occurs bi-weekly while I'm on campus, doing the work. It's a decent amount, and since everything I need is covered by the scholarship (food, board, etc.) it's enough to build up for things I could want. So the pressure of needing a job is not as bad as I had supposedly imagined.

Mind you, I'm STILL LOOKING, but it isn't the end of the world without it.

My mother, still knowing this, finds it necessary to disparage me any chance she can, about doing nothing to get a job. When I'm on the laptop every other day for applications, and out of the house every other week for local places that still take written ones.

And I'm still busting my balls doing farm shit, housework, and everything else I was PROMISED WHEN I MOVED HERE WITH THEM I WOULD BE PAYED FOR, BUT HAVEN'T BEEN!!



.... I know I should just ignore it, because she's probably an undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer, compounded with EXTENSIVE marijuana use. But it still hurts. How can I expect things to go well when it goes so crappy at home? With those who SAY they care about me?