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I'm losing it.....Meh
13 years ago
(PS this is long and some rant and other things.....please don't feel sorry, I don't need it or deserve it.....)
I watched this one house since June 1st it sits on 7.9 acres of land the asking price was $48,000 I could have gotten it cheaper. June 26th two days before I was going to put a contract on it to buy it, I was told a contract was put on it that afternoon.
Being a HUD home it's first come first served, right here at the end of the month I lose the house....this house has consumed me to the point I don't know how I can move forward without thinking about the house, my feelings towards whoever it was who put the contract on the house is "hate" I can't feel that way towards him because he didn't know he just like I was looking to buy the house...I guess.
Perhaps it was the old man that was looking at it on Monday that out of spite he put the contract on it, who knows I sure as hell don't.
I can't get this house out of my head nor can I just let it be what it is, I keep hearing if it was meant to be then it was meant to be, or if it wasn't meant to be. Those words I really don't want to hear, what I want to hear is why????
Why now? Why right here at the end just as soon as I found out I could get it? It would have been a little better if it was in the middle of the month when I knew there was no way for me to get the house.
The house needs work done to it, and I was looking forward to working on it, just....WHY???? that is my question that will never been answered and I'm afraid that the house and the question is going to consume me to the point I won't care about anything. I feel it working deep within me right now, hell I don't even know why I'm making this journal.....maybe to just write it out, get it off my chest....maybe by doing this I can somewhat move on.
I don't know, I just don't have the answers. I was so happy that I was finally going to get a house to call my own, not only that I was going to be able to give my beautiful mate
Vil-SumWolf a place to call his own as well....in my heart I feel like I'm a failure.....maybe I am a failure just in denial, someone who is just a dreamer that will never amount to anything......a dreamer who thinks he has something to offer as a person, or a furry, hell even a film writer/director. I'm not really one of them I guess, but a failure in denial and a dreamer I guess you'll think you are something...........
I'm done.....
I watched this one house since June 1st it sits on 7.9 acres of land the asking price was $48,000 I could have gotten it cheaper. June 26th two days before I was going to put a contract on it to buy it, I was told a contract was put on it that afternoon.
Being a HUD home it's first come first served, right here at the end of the month I lose the house....this house has consumed me to the point I don't know how I can move forward without thinking about the house, my feelings towards whoever it was who put the contract on the house is "hate" I can't feel that way towards him because he didn't know he just like I was looking to buy the house...I guess.
Perhaps it was the old man that was looking at it on Monday that out of spite he put the contract on it, who knows I sure as hell don't.
I can't get this house out of my head nor can I just let it be what it is, I keep hearing if it was meant to be then it was meant to be, or if it wasn't meant to be. Those words I really don't want to hear, what I want to hear is why????
Why now? Why right here at the end just as soon as I found out I could get it? It would have been a little better if it was in the middle of the month when I knew there was no way for me to get the house.
The house needs work done to it, and I was looking forward to working on it, just....WHY???? that is my question that will never been answered and I'm afraid that the house and the question is going to consume me to the point I won't care about anything. I feel it working deep within me right now, hell I don't even know why I'm making this journal.....maybe to just write it out, get it off my chest....maybe by doing this I can somewhat move on.
I don't know, I just don't have the answers. I was so happy that I was finally going to get a house to call my own, not only that I was going to be able to give my beautiful mate
Vil-SumWolf a place to call his own as well....in my heart I feel like I'm a failure.....maybe I am a failure just in denial, someone who is just a dreamer that will never amount to anything......a dreamer who thinks he has something to offer as a person, or a furry, hell even a film writer/director. I'm not really one of them I guess, but a failure in denial and a dreamer I guess you'll think you are something...........I'm done.....
I still need to pay you for the book lol so that we can get together on sending me the book and you getting paid lol
Thanks again for buying the book for me, I just wished me and Vil where able to go...maybe next year.
Imma be upfront and I actually don't care who reads. In my eyes you will always be my lover, best friend and wonderful mate that someday I will take my vow with you in life. For the longest time, you showed me how to be well to be..."human" for the longest time, I felt so cold and distant from the world. You showed me there is some hope in this universe, and people do care. Let me be your light, in your dark hour...Know, you bring me peace and comfort every night; we may not have much or things like others are fortunate to own...but I know one thing, my love for you, fuels the embers of my heart for you...
You will NEVER be a failure in my eyes, you are the hope keeps me pushin onward.
"For a love that is unlost, can't be untrue...you are my heart, that ever beats so, Let the winds of my spindled heart beat slowly. Like a bobin, for you are my spindle your heart desire burn bright. Like a perrsitant sunrise each morning, though you maybe low and in the dark, don't loose hope my darling. For as long as the moon shines overhead, and the forest echos and beacons with life. You are my rain...that showers and wipes away my own despair."
-I love you, thats all that matters...
Saying keeps me going...
"For if you aim to shoot at the stars, and miss...theres still galaxy left unexplored. So dream big...."