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13 years ago
General
hello all
I have to apologize for my shift key being a tad unreasonable in this post. My capitalization may be less than it should. There may be lowercase "i"s and more than one sentence started in lowercase. This is, however, an issue for only this post, or until I get my ass to the store for some manner of cleaner.
Now that we have that unpleasing news out of the way we can move forward to some recent events in my life.
i have always been asked a specific question I have never understood when someone close to me passes away. I guess the issue is not the question itself, but it's implication of my emotions. if you where wondering the question asked is something along the lines of "are you sad?" i guess seeing it typed in front of me like this gives me an insight to why someone may ask this. Still... I do not really understand the brute simplicity of the question. I may just be a pedantic observationalist.. However, I do feel that we tend to have defined social roles to play in specific scenarios. Almost as if we are to feel alienated if we do not feel what we are outlined to feel.
I had mentioned earlier that my grandmother was in HOSPICE. I think it's fairly clear what has transpired form the last time I had left a journal.
As i was saying. At the time of my grandmothers death I was not greeted with a sense of sadness, or loss. Rather, I felt a wave of relief. shortly after, I felt as if I should be feeling some other way. of course, I felt sympathy for my grandmother, my family. But me.. I felt like I should be feeling worse. that in turn made me feel horrible.
From that time, I have bee doing some thinking, and trying to figure some things out that I have really not thought about in quite some time. I am coming to the conclusion that we all mourn our own way. What maters is how someone is remembered.
i say this as if you empathize with me on this. i don't want to generalize with my opinion. i thought it was an interesting observation.
i have been a tad quite during my reflection time. so, please forgive me.
i figured i would give an update.
-jeff
I have to apologize for my shift key being a tad unreasonable in this post. My capitalization may be less than it should. There may be lowercase "i"s and more than one sentence started in lowercase. This is, however, an issue for only this post, or until I get my ass to the store for some manner of cleaner.
Now that we have that unpleasing news out of the way we can move forward to some recent events in my life.
i have always been asked a specific question I have never understood when someone close to me passes away. I guess the issue is not the question itself, but it's implication of my emotions. if you where wondering the question asked is something along the lines of "are you sad?" i guess seeing it typed in front of me like this gives me an insight to why someone may ask this. Still... I do not really understand the brute simplicity of the question. I may just be a pedantic observationalist.. However, I do feel that we tend to have defined social roles to play in specific scenarios. Almost as if we are to feel alienated if we do not feel what we are outlined to feel.
I had mentioned earlier that my grandmother was in HOSPICE. I think it's fairly clear what has transpired form the last time I had left a journal.
As i was saying. At the time of my grandmothers death I was not greeted with a sense of sadness, or loss. Rather, I felt a wave of relief. shortly after, I felt as if I should be feeling some other way. of course, I felt sympathy for my grandmother, my family. But me.. I felt like I should be feeling worse. that in turn made me feel horrible.
From that time, I have bee doing some thinking, and trying to figure some things out that I have really not thought about in quite some time. I am coming to the conclusion that we all mourn our own way. What maters is how someone is remembered.
i say this as if you empathize with me on this. i don't want to generalize with my opinion. i thought it was an interesting observation.
i have been a tad quite during my reflection time. so, please forgive me.
i figured i would give an update.
-jeff
We all assume loss will make us sad, but it's more than fair if that's not the feeling you experience.
If it were a peer though, I would be devastated. Young people shouldn't have to go so soon.
Everyone mourns in their own ways. We're not all cookie-cuttered out to act the same way when something happens. We would be quite boring if that were the case.
~Foxx
Her jaw was clenched shut the day she died I whispered in her ear she would be free from that life soon....
She died that night......My aunt was sadistic and had her out on display for 8 days at the funeral home.....