i know not many people are going to read this and I'm okay with that. i just had a series of thoughts after i got the urge to doodle and failed to do so because my mind wanted it to be perfect when my skill is no where good enough to so. i started to think of high school when i would doodle quite often and would try to copy my artist friends and the copy would be great but when i tried to do it on my own it didn't look right or it was just plain bad, but i didn't let that get me down. i had other things that would cheer me up. i was pretty good at writing and according to my mother i had been telling stories since before i could even form words, but currently when ever i try to put a story into words it doesn't quite work. i also loved singing. if i had to say what my talent was i would say singing without a doubt it would be singing. i had been singing just as long as i had been telling stories and it was the only thing i was truly proud of when growing up. I was in chorus for as long as i could have been and as soon i as i could i started performing in my school's musicals. I was very proud to be able to say that at my graduation i was the only known contralto in my school. but when i got to college i wasn't able to really keep singing like i used to. of course there was always the random singing to pop music in my bedroom but i had to time to join the school choir and even though i auditioned for my school's all female a capella group twice i didn't get in. now i am even doubting my ability to sing. that i wasn't as good as i thought i was or that i wasn't really good at all. i don't mean to depress the people who may actually read this but it feels good to get it out in the open. i may never get into the royal pitches but maybe i can join the glee club or try out for another musical. we will see what happens. i will keep trying.