Took your poll and yeah. I am still working out details on my story. Take care.

Cool thanks! Sorry we haven't had a chance to chat much lately but I haven't had time to get on IM much this summer.

Sorry about not favouriting/commenting on the last 2 or 3 chapters. I'm not able to download anymore to view as a doc file so sadly I am restricted to just reading text files. I know they were brilliant nonetheless :D

No worries and we'll figure out a way for you to see the rest of the story somehow

Yup problem solved thanks to SoFurry.
Oh and I voted in your poll, hope it helps~

Thanks for the poll info... knowledge is power!

Believe it!

Answered your poll, Apollo. I hope it helps.

Thanks for your participation and input, I'll try to put it to good use.

School Pride Sequel!

Working on it actually

Been waiting six years. Make it good!

Has it really been that long? God why do you folk put up with me...

Because of all the media I've seen, all the stories I've read, all the pictures clicked on, of all the things I've encountered in this subculture, that one has always been my favorite.

Wow that's really saying a whole heck of a lot. I certainly hope what ever I come up with to continue that story will live up to the expectations.

Don't worry. You're still ahead of "Duke Nukem Forever"

Hello,

Finally got chance to read this, and it was a blast. Very nice job!

I really love long stories like this that combine sustained, incremental transformations with characters that develop, not to mention an actual plot. (And, er, quite a number of hot scenes.) There aren't all that many, but the good ones really stand out. So, thank you for taking the time to put this together.

I do have one piece of constructive criticism, but I'm gonna pop it in a separate comment 'cuz it's only one thing and I don't want it to take all the attention.

The comment:

You quite often flip between the POV of different characters. This can be very effective, especially when you see the same thing from two very different perspectives with a clear break between them. But you also switch in the regular narration between one paragraph and the next. It was never unclear who was doing what, but it was a little disorienting -- doing the mental switch interrupts the flow a bit.

Thanks very much for the constructive criticism. I like to get the views of different characters and do tend to switch back and forth in the same scene so you can get the full feel for what is being experienced, especial during the above mentioned hot scenes. I'm not sure if I know of a better way to do that but I am open to suggestions on how to develop this as a writer. I thought I didn't switch except at a paragraph break and usually not every other paragraph. Do you have any specific chapter or scene examples that I can look at to get a feel for what you are referring to?

Thanks!

Hi,

The place where this hit me was early in Chapter 3. Up until that point you'd kept the narration tightly focused on Ricky's POV. Chapter 3 started that way, up through the paragraph beginning "Ricky eventually pulled away though". After that it flip-flops:

"Cameron grunted and groaned..." -- Cam POV
"The ripples of Cam’s abs lay before Ricky..." -- Ricky POV
"For Cameron the sensation was intense..." -- Cam POV
"Ricky could feel his mouth start to water..." -- Ricky POV
"At first when Ricky’s warm wet hand..." -- Cam POV
"The thick shaft filled Ricky’s mouth..." -- Ricky POV
"After several minutes Cameron..." -- Cam POV
"Oh Ricky..." -- Cam POV
"He figured Cowboy would pull off..." -- Cam POV
"Ricky’s body seemed to react purely on instinct" -- Ricky POV
"Cameron panted as the moment passed" -- Cam POV
"When he fell backward Ricky hit his head..." -- Ricky POV
"Cameron’s thoughts were very similar..." -- Cam POV

... and, OK, you get the idea. Lemme say again, it was never unclear who was doing what -- it very much helped that you flagged it within the first few words of the paragraph (you can really see this in the snippets above). So I don't think you should sweat it too much. I guess what threw me was the change in narration style from tightly fixed to alternating.

Thanks again for writing -- it really was a lot of fun to read.

... er, reply out of place (I *always* do this!) but hopefully it's clear.

Ok yeah, I know what you mean. I know most longer stories with multiple character POV will only alternate in different chapters and I have yet to write a story long enough to seriously divide it up in such a way. Wrestling was written as one continuous story and I only broke it up into chapters for posting purposes.

It wouldn't matter as much if I wasn't concerned with getting both characters feelings and perspective on the same even (especially the sex) and didn't want to bog a story down by having repetitive chapters. Ultimately it is something to keep in mind and work with in the future, so thanks!