So its only just presented itself and i dont like it. sad to say but i feel helpless and useless as i slowly loose my family. i know in time it has to happen but who do i turn to once i have noone left to turn to?

Family are there to support each other but the way im watching things go in a few years ill have nothing....... My fathers very ill in hospital. his gf has cancer. my mums killing herself with drinking and alcohol. my nans getting on in years and my uncle has a heart condition.

I really dont like this feeling but i cant avoid it.

Im scared......and i want out of this ensuing nightmare.

Some say im happy and i dont look worried but if i wasnt wearing the happy mask i wouldnt be much of the strong willed person i am. i wint give up but if i break noone can tell me im weak without knowing what im dealing with first.

Noone sees the tears i cry because theyve soaked into my pillow. noone know the pain ii feel as its locked deep inside. noone knows how alone i feel as i dont have a shoulder