wow this is a big transition you are making i think when there is a non fur involved it gets tricky because they dont understand the lifestyle of a fur i just got introduced by my now ex and enemy on here to the fur fandom last year and i went to mff last year for the first time and loved it and felt like i was finally accepted by people that understood me even though they dont see me on a daily basis but i have made good friends on here. If you have grown apart and counseling doesnt work and you both arent talking or loving each other then maybe its not worth saving. Me and my ex fought constantly because his fandom went a little bit further he was an adult baby fur so i took on the role of mother and girlfriend i know i wasnt married to him but we still lived together in tight quarters and his friends hated me like nothing else and he never stuck up for me. It only got harder when i lost my job there last year and then we fell apart when the abuse started and i moved out back to my parents which only made him madder like i give a shit. Anyways we tried talking it out but we just kept growing apart and i knew living together wasnt working so we ended after about nine months together. I understand though going from one extreme to another between sexes sometimes i wonder about my sexuality too and not even my parents know i have also experimented with the same sex before and i am a female. Now from your wifes outside perspective not being a furry it is hard for her to comprehend why would someone dress in a fur costume but then when i saw it for myself last year i got it just by going to a con i understood that alot of the people in the fandom because of outer insecurities they hide in like an alternate world or other personality which i see nothing wrong with it and some people may use it sexually but thats by choice my ex was asexual so he had no interest which made it even harder for me with no affection for so long and we never had sex or slept together. In finding out his fetishes i learned to just accept him without judging but for your wife it may be harder to accept from an outsiders perspective and if she isnt willing to have an open mind just by going to a fur meet then definitely that would be the writing on the wall because you want to be with someone who cares and accepts you for who you are and for me it got to the point that he really didnt accept me for who i was even though i was upfront with him yet i accepted him but because we didnt have the greatest of communication because he thought everything he said and did was right no matter how insulting but when he hit me it went to an altogether height that i didnt want to continue seeing as he came from a family of abuse and he was a victim but once abused i have learned you become an abuser no matter how much you say you wont its in your blood and before i met him he had suffered a nervous breakdown emotionally and mentally so he has a lot of problems he wouldnt talk out nor face even with me. The important thing for you to remember is the fur fandom is behind you and would want you to be happy with who you are as a furrie and be happy with who ever you love and if its not your wife then go for the other person but here is my question to you how much time have you given her since you told her your status as a furrie and have you really sat down and let her tell you her feelings so maybe you both could better communicate because talking means alot if you want she can talk to me being as i was once an outsider learning about this whole new world i can better help her to understand it and the feelings you may be feeling im here if you want to talk i hoped this helped.

Thank you hun, this put quite a bit into perspective for me. We have been growing apart well before I told her that I am a fur she has excepted my fetish for inflatables years ago when I first told her. Yes my wife is open minded but she only knows little of the fur fandom except for the CSI episode which really does not help non furs to understand the fandom.

I don't own a suit yet but I have been thinking of having one made eventually somewhere down the road.

I guess when we both find time to talk I will have to explain more, but like you said why be with someone who is making you feel bad (but I want to try and save things in our marriage).

One other person I came out to about me being a fur and my fetish was my mom (see previous journal) there my mom was very open minded about it all albeit I had to tell her what a fur was. But she excepted both well and never judged me once on my choices or lifestyle.

Yes you are right, I know I will have the fur community behind me on this, my friend who mentioned in this journal is standing behind me on this. I was a little nervous about putting this journal up on his part because I didn't want him getting mad at me for doing so, but he urged me to post it and that's one of the things I love about him is his support.

Ever since I joined FA in 2010 I have made some great friends and it is a very friendly and open community, I couldn't have asked for better friends then on here.

Also are you planning on going to MFF this year? If so I would love to meet you as this is going to be my first year going and technically my first con as well. Of course I will be out of suit... lol and if I have a badge on me it won't be under my FA name as my fursona's name is Thanatos Fox. For some weird reason when I went to register on here it didn't accept my name so I had to go with what I have now.

i dont know if i am going or not because i am a little hesitant because my ex will be there and he hurt me real bad and i am nervous about whether he will talk bad or not and i am not that kind of person who likes to be humiliated but there are also a couple people you should talk to one is varzen he is on here but so is his boyfriend sai skunk and also there is spectra fox and calientra you see calientra used to be a girl now a boy and spectra used to be a boy now a girl they are married to each other and have intimacy issues because spectra has not had the parts removed and well cal well you get that picture but then spectra was thrown a curve ball and lost her arm about two years ago in a trucking accident she was hurt pretty bad which also is putting a strain on there marriage and he is a trucker that is gone alot so spectra cant work because of her disability. Varzen and sai are together as a gay couple but i believe sai is also a tranny sai was a girl now a guy and varzen well he is a guy but they both just came out this year as gay in the fandom so there are alot of people that are in a similar boat as you are so you arent alone in your situation yes the csi episode doesnt do anything but another thing you can show your wife is youtube videos of last years mff you will see the dance competition the parade and other side videos others have posted that might be able for her to connect the dots a little bit more as to what you are talking about and like i said i was new to this just last year i dont own a suit as i am still unemployed thats another reason why i may not go but if you do go to the con maybe you should bring your wife because up close there is an orientation to the furry fandom meet at mff where they sit down and explain what the furry fandom is all about and once she also sees the gallery and the buyers den she would also better understand that they are normal people doing what they love and showing off there many talents as far as handmade items for sale and art for sale i wish i was as talented as most of the people that i met and saw it was overwhelming yet fun all at the same time right now i am trying to figure out where i fit in here now that i am single i feel awkward because i dont know how it will be now for me myself but some of these people that i told you about may better also help you to navigate the waters of difficultys as well those were just some of the people that i met there is another gentleman i knew his character name was tails real name jason his family hates that he is a furry and so he has to hide his identity like with me my parents dont accept me as a furry and they think furries are bad people but i dont agree they all just feel like outcasts on the outside world hence this whole fandom where they can feel accepted which is probably why i feel so accepted in here.

how are you doing have you talked to your wife anymore since we talked cuz you know you can still talk to me about this i know that this isnt easy not only coming out as a furrie but your sexuality and to your marrital spouse but at the same time i am sure it is a relief to have it all out there but facing the reality that you are wanting to move forward with a new chapter in your life and a new journey and possibly ending another chapter at the same time it can be alot for one person to handle let alone a married couple especially when they both arent really happy nor on the same page and when it is strained communication the love just isnt there because there is no real support behind that love there is an understanding but i know from experience you cant just say ok accept it and everything is ok it doesnt work like that i think that was the biggest missing piece in my relationship is because we didnt really talk about it we fought about it and then thats when he got physical because i accepted it and didnt judge him for it i wanted him to be happy i wanted us both to be happy but he still felt like he couldnt fully be himself but i dont think it was all from he he still had some insecurities he wouldnt open up and let go of which only adds to stress in an already tough situation living together as well. I will be here for you if you want to talk i dont want you to feel like you cant turn to a neutral third party because i am not there but even though i am not there i have been where your at i just left a situation like what your in now so please feel free to talk to me still.

I am still working up the nerves to tell her, even the friend who I am in love with suggested that I let my wife know that I am bi.

There's just so many things right now that make this a difficult thing to talk about because we have both been very stressed recently over issues in our everyday lives, her more so then anything and wanting to come out to her about my sexuality and how I have begun to like my friend more than just as a friend. I've just got this uneasy feeling she'll just come Unglued.

And thank you hun, I do appreciate you letting me talk to you so I can get things out there and off of my chest. You and my friend have both been wonderful on hearing out my situation and I am grateful for you both, it makes it a little bit easier to set things out there with the kind of support you two are giving me.

I want to tell her now before it gets any later and the stress of it consumes me, but I am going to have to hold off on it for a little while longer because her mom had went through surgery a week and a half ago and it's still wearying on my wife. In time I will tell her, but I'm more worried about the consequences.

the longer you wait the harder it comes down on you emotionally and you also dont want her to find out another way i understand she is under stress and you are trying to be patient most of the time though in life there is never a right time to talk about something like this you need to make the time before you break down mentally and emotionally from holding it in now you say that you are bi do you think your bi or do you think you might be gay because do you have any feelings for your wife in the sexual sense because if not then you might be gay especially if you have stronger feelings for him i just think you really need to prepare yourself because yes there will be consequences but we have always been taught if you love someone or care for there well being and you want to do the humane thing i have always been taught honesty is the best policy that will also show you respect both him and her but like i said there is never a right time to break something like this but if you are afraid to tell her alone you might think about contacting a counselor who deals with this sort of situation and have her come along and break it to her that way because they can better help guide you in breaking it to her the counselor could also help make the possible separation easier as well for both of you because i know you dont want to hurt her i can tell you care thats why your afraid but you also need to think of your well being i would contact someone today and make an appointment that way your not doing this alone because this definitely wont be easy and i think you could use there guidance as well because you are making a lot of difficult transitions no one can deal with that much stuff alone like i said i am here if you want to talk i have been in your shoes i am bi too which i dont really speak about it either but i just want to be honest about that if it makes it any easier i just want to see you happy and destressed of all this soon before it blows up into something even bigger because then it all spirals downward into something you dont want it to.

Hello,
I feel your pain on this matter...my advice is the same one I give to everyone.....leave your previous relationships before approaching a new one. When your in a relationship and its not working out you will always be better off leaving it before looking for a new one.

I know it doesnt help. But its the only sane advice in an insane world.

Race