Forewarning, this is probably a vent. If you don't like reading negative stuff, you should probably move along. Any comments that aren't helpful will be hidden.

I've not done one of these update things in a while, so I thought I should just do one just so I know where I stand.

While I don't mean to sound like a whiny, naggy, needy, attention-seeking brat, there's no tiptoeing around the fact that I have been off colour recently. I've been overwhelmed by an ever-growing sense of insecurity and instability as I've continued the transition from high school student to everyday office worker. I'm paying more for daily things I take for granted such as lunch, transport and meds, and I'm still only working on a temp contract with the company. While another extension on the contract has helped settle me down a little, I still feel like it won't be too long before I'm let go.

After receiving very little assistance from my parents, I've finally paid off a medical bill for my braces that's been 4 years overdue. I think I might have to start investing in private health insurance. There goes more money. I've been issued with fines from the department of transport because, while under unnecessary stress, I took it all out on a ticket inspector who, in my opinion at the time, was being unreasonable and was unsympathetic to my situation. Granted, swearing at anyone in a position of authority is never bound to go down well, even when you know you're in the wrong.

I've got an ever increasing sense of isolation and loneliness, which has translated into paranoia and depression. I get home some nights and just want to crawl under my blankets and start crying. I've stopped enjoying all the things in life I used to enjoy. Hell, even stand-up from some of Britain's best is not enough to make me laugh anymore. I can feel my sanity slowly ebbing away from me as I become ever more stressed with trying to balance depression with work life, family life and friends. I'm constantly mood swinging too. I think it's time I saw my shrink again.

Physically I'm feeling drained and lethargic, and I'm also putting up with a throat ulcer that is having an impact on my speech, which sucks when you work in a call centre.

And yet despite all of this, I've still got the strength to wake up in the morning, look all of this in the face and say "Fuck you, life. I'm going to continue playing your game no matter what you throw at me". I've still got people that love me and I've still got another 80 or so years of life to try and live. I've not even started yet.

So to sum up, I'm depressed, lonely, bored as all fuck, but making it through, just barely.

If anyone is concerned about my welfare, I advise that I should be fine and that normal services shall resume very soon. If that still doesn't help, feel free to note me, message me on Facebook, Skype, MSN, whatever Ilosttrackofitallmonthsago…

And remember kids, invest in real estate.