One of my very special little girls crossed Rainbow Bridge today ... my beloved Amber has joined the countless others that have crossed before her. Free of pain, free of the limitations presented by an aging and ailing body ... free of all mortal frailty...

I knew this day would come ... I thought I had prepared myself for it, but ... the reality of it is hitting me -so- hard. She was -so- important to me, in a way very few would understand, until they knew the whole story...

...Amber was the old little girl that helped me recover from the loss of Daisy, and reminded me of her in -so- many ways. She was a banged up little thing. Missing several teeth, a horrible-sounding meow, an arthritic tail ... but she was -always- so beautiful to me. Her wise understanding soul and empathetic heart made her larger than life. Her loyalty and sense of obligation towards those that she loved was unwavering. She helped me through -so- many horrible and difficult times. Always worrying about me and wanting so genuinely to understand what was wrong and wanting to somehow make it better. She would listen and stare with such human-like intensity that one couldn't help but speak to her as and treat her as a human being. There was no way -not- to.

She was my furry little grandma. My anchor in a roiling sea of chaos. And tonight ... I'm broken and lost...

Oh, Amber ... how can I heal when the one who always helped me through is the one that I'm mourning...? How can I pick up all the pieces of my broken heart, without you there...? All I want more than -anything- is to feel you pawing at my arm or my face, to try and get my attention ... the way you always did whenever you'd see me cry ... I need you more than ever ... I'm despairing so -damn- hard...

Why did life have to take you away from me...? I wasn't ready ... I wasn't ready...