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Just so you all know..
13 years ago
General
I don't want to stop drawing, I don't.
My motivational issues have really gotten worse and worse over the past year or two.
I am completely off of Adderall, the stimulant that made me want to actually do things during the day, for 2 weeks now.
I haven't come to the conclusion that this is entirely the best possible outcome I can have nowadays.
My current Psychiatrist has let go of me, because she doesn't want to play, 'these games' with me anymore.
I have declared by my mom and I that that psychiatrist is a total bitch. I don't think it's just me.
I've worked at my mother's church kitchen for two weeks during the summer, it was a blast, I got paid.. but now it's over, besides the last two weeks of August.. I get to help scrub and clean the kitchen on my knees for monies.
My boyfriend and I are still together, doing great. He's gotten a full-time job, while I'm STILL looking for one. He hasn't been angry yet about me not finding stable job yet -- I thank this every day. Our 5 year anniversary is coming this August, 24th. I love him so much, and he makes me happier and happier every minute spent with him.
I fear nothing of our relationship, but I fear myself being who I want to be. I want to be an animator, nothing has come of it yet.
It upsets me every single day, but ...everyday when I awake, I think of how I feel. I feel down, I feel unaccomplished. I want to get up and change myself, but it's just, I don't know how. And my boyfriend gets fed up with how I deal with things. He tells me constantly how much potential I have in life, and how I don't execute this potentiality.
I'm always thinking about how DIFFERENT I am from others, but I can't seem to show this. :l
My motivational issues have really gotten worse and worse over the past year or two.
I am completely off of Adderall, the stimulant that made me want to actually do things during the day, for 2 weeks now.
I haven't come to the conclusion that this is entirely the best possible outcome I can have nowadays.
My current Psychiatrist has let go of me, because she doesn't want to play, 'these games' with me anymore.
I have declared by my mom and I that that psychiatrist is a total bitch. I don't think it's just me.
I've worked at my mother's church kitchen for two weeks during the summer, it was a blast, I got paid.. but now it's over, besides the last two weeks of August.. I get to help scrub and clean the kitchen on my knees for monies.
My boyfriend and I are still together, doing great. He's gotten a full-time job, while I'm STILL looking for one. He hasn't been angry yet about me not finding stable job yet -- I thank this every day. Our 5 year anniversary is coming this August, 24th. I love him so much, and he makes me happier and happier every minute spent with him.
I fear nothing of our relationship, but I fear myself being who I want to be. I want to be an animator, nothing has come of it yet.
It upsets me every single day, but ...everyday when I awake, I think of how I feel. I feel down, I feel unaccomplished. I want to get up and change myself, but it's just, I don't know how. And my boyfriend gets fed up with how I deal with things. He tells me constantly how much potential I have in life, and how I don't execute this potentiality.
I'm always thinking about how DIFFERENT I am from others, but I can't seem to show this. :l
Just go with it, and things will work themselves out soon....
No rush, and I eagerly await your return and pray for the best for you
I wish you the best!
*offers hugs*
From what you're saying here I'm seeing that you're very much stuck on where you are now, as well as stuck on the past, the things you've "done wrong" in recent years, instead of looking ahead. Obviously you can't just stop doing that overnight, but the only way to really fix that is to make a dedicated effort - every time you feel yourself getting stuck up on something you can't really change, especially something in the past, stop yourself. Sit there and take a deep breath, and say aloud if you need to. It's in the past. It's over with. You're moving ahead.
There's a lot of people looking for work right now, so don't worry about that, it's frustrating, yeah, I know. I'm out of work right now and can't return due to circumstances beyond my control. Y'just going to have to be patient yet persistant on that front.
That said, you need to be more patient with yourself. You've been alive what, maybe 20 years? Think for a minute about all you've done during that time, even if it doesn't seem like much. The average life span is about 70 years. You've got 50 years to do everything you want. You don't need to do it tomorrow, just put that burning drive to use to accomplish your dreams.
That all said, nice to hear from you again.
A trick to understanding yourself is to stop explaining your actions (to yourself and/or others) and start describing them. Being objective often reveals the motives behind our motives. And writing it down helps tremendously, especially if what you write is not meant to be published.
I'm altruistically willing on giving you more advice if you're interested, but psychology can only help as far as an individual lets it. Next term I'm taking a course in motivation and I love helping those who want help! Don't feel obligated, though. We all have our own paths.