Well I just got back from a game of D&D. It's been a long and stressing day, and I was looking forwards to a night of epic fantasy and dragon slaying. And honestly, it was shaping up to be a great night. I even had a really cool and awesome sounding character going into this. This was going to be so cool. Until, once again, I'm singled out and targeted as the comic relief. Again. And this always seems to happen.

I don't get what I'm doing, or why it always seems to happen. I'm lead to believe I'm a really awesome guy. But then I'm almost never taken seriously, I'm frequently mocked, I wind up becoming the target of any cruel sort of joke and I find myself feeling like I'm stuck at the bottom of the food chain.

Those that know me know that I have an insane, almost inhuman amount of patience and tolerance. I can put up with just about fucking anything and not so much as frown at it. I'm a really good sport, honestly. But no matter where I go, who I'm with, what I do, how good I am at whatever, etc etc... I always wind up becoming the butt-end of every joke. What the hell am I doing that causes this?! How am I supposed to avoid this?! I try to be as great and awesome a guy as humanly possible, and I try to be a good sport about this but I can't fucking escape it! Am I supposed to start lashing out at people? Should I just start freaking on them? But won't that make me an asshole?!

"But Hex, calm down. We only tease you because we love you". FUCK YOU. I am SO SICK and FUCKING TIRED of this GODDAMN EXCUSE. OH YES! MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A CHEAP LAUGH! I REALLY FEEL GODDAMN LOVED, I DO! Is this how I'm supposed to show love? By picking apart and ridiculing everything about somebody?! I can take these jokes, I really can! But when they're usually all I ever hear, HOW THE HELL IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE LOVING?! Would it kill you to say something nice once in a while?! And when I start making similar jokes back at you, suddenly I'm a douche-bag! OH DON'T WORRY! I ONLY DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO!!

And I know not everybody does this to me. There are some down-right amazing people who break this trend and I'm so thankful for them. I'm not naming names, but they know who they are.

I'm probably going to regret this journal later... just right now, it's been a very trying day and I am extremely pissed off right now. I need to vent...