What the hell is wrong with me? I mean, I know I'm fat and stupid and annoying but don't I deserve love too? but no, every time I love someone, it goes to pot.

First I loved Jesse, but he didn't really seem interested in the real me, and now we've just freaking grown apart, and I can't even seem to make time to RP with him anymore...

Then there was Ral, the first person who genuinely seemed to love me back, but then he stopped messaging me. I thought it was just his mom, who was already pretty much against me, but then around his 18th birthday I was finally able to get a hold of him and he told me he had been avoiding me because he thought we were moving too fast, and then we could still be friends and RP an stuff...but now he's stopped messaging me again...

After him, I stated crushing on my cannibal chef friend Marshal, who I had given the Nickname Mars. We talked alot, but he made it pretty clear that he only wanted to have fun and roleplay. I should have known that was all it was, but I'm fucking stupid and keep my feelings into the meaningless shit I do online...

Then I started playing SL and met Damien. He was sweet and sexy, and protective to a fault, and he really said he loved me and all...but I wasn't his first choice, and I could never measure up to him. Now he knows the boy he really loves is ok and is doing all he can to get to him, which is great...only...he told me he wasn't going to be online any more. He didn't like who dealing with all the drama and griefers of the internet was turning him into, and I haven't heard from him since...

And then my latest fall, Rioaka (known as invisibilly on Tumblr.) It started out as just a cute bit of monster high Yaoi RPing...but of course I let myself get too involved again and just wounded up hurting again after the Heath from ask-burns-and-bominable asked him out on an RP date that lead to them being officially "together". What makes it worse is without even knowing that Billy and Heath were officially going out, I invited Billy on a date because I thought more people were supporting Heath/Billy because of their public date RP. Unfortunately, my lack of actual dating skills and trying to hard to stay in character as Holt made me royally screw it up and it just ended with a tragic break up. Now, Billy won't even play with me because it makes him feel guilty, and I just feel like a fucking idiot for letting him slip through my fingers when I had him right there...


and through all that, there have actually been a few people out there (Shade and Matt on Furraffinity, terminallyCapricious and Twisted fate on Skype ) who actually seemed to like me, but because I just didn't feel quite the same for them, I pretty much turned my back on them or started avoiding them and made them feel god knows how bad. For that, I am truly sorry and I know I can never really make up for how I may have made you feel.

So yeah, that's pretty much why I suck at love and am gonna die alone in a nut shell. Thanks for reading...if you did.