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Falling apart...
13 years ago
General
Son of a..
I don't know what to do anymore, I hate this..I hate it all, ya I have my own place woopie, I never have enough money to do shit...I can barely get groceries for 2 people, I have to send my mom money to take care of my pets there before I can get them, I have to pay this other kid for hamsters we never should have gotten when I was living at my friends house. my paycheck today was very small and my stepmom made me buy a cell phone that I can barely use cause of minutes, its a pay as you go. so we barely got enough food for a while. my next social check is in september but I only get to keep 149.00 thats next to nothing when you have to buy food and do laundry, theres nothing left over to save for my fursuiting craft, or even art supplies to even do a damn thing aside from digital art. my computer don't work with wifi and the battery is crap so its always plugged in, its starting to fail. so I'm using Turk's comp. but she gets mad at me easy if I'm on it talking to people for like 3 hours. but I have to sit here and let her be on all hours of the night yet I'm paying for the roof over our head, the net, the cable that we can't even hook up cause NO ONE in this place knows how too. I just feel like its unfair. theres things we bought I regret now, but we need else good luck living down here.
I hate being broke I'm litterly penniless and I'm trying to find a job again a steady one thats not weekends only working for my stepmom who likes to dock money cause she thinks we are counting hours wrong so she dont have to pay us the full amount. don't...work....for family..I need to get job clothes but thats money, i need to continue my fursuiting but to get the stuff thats money, I need to do commissions again but if my bank balance randomly goes up my social check will terminate..UGH! this sucks!
I'm BORED, DEPRESSED, I FEEL LIKE CRYING, I'M HIGHLY AGGRAVATED, I'M AGGRESSIVE WITHOUT WARNING, I'M GOING INSANE BEING CONFINED INDOORS ALL DAY CAUSE ITS TOO HOT AND I CAN'T AFFORD A SMALL AC!. I can't do this, Turk and I fight like almost everyday since moving into this place cause its too damn hot we share a comp and when one disagrees with the other then we say things like well gimme my laptop where as I reply to I'm paying for hte damn internet and the roof over your head what logic is this.
it just..UGH...I don't know what to do anymore, I didn't want to write a journal but I need to vent to something other than a damn stuffed animal..I feel so alone..anything I say is always taken the wrong way...I'm depressed like all hell, I miss my dogs and my rats..and I can't even afford to go get them...I don't know what I'm gonna do..I hate money..its the one thing I NEED to get ANYTHING done!, and I'm tired of asking, I know I owe art, I'm working on it then I just start crying, cause I know I'll need to open them again and I never get anything done cause I'm so stressed out. everythings on my shoulders. Turk has to go back in 2 and a half months if we don't get her citizenship, and I don't even know how we are gonna afford that.
we get married for 116 she looked it up and we can't even hold onto that much money!, cause we have to get food!, it just..AUGH!! I don't know I don't know!, and everytime I write a sad journal everyon just fucking thinks I'm looking for sympathy or I'm being a drama whore or something. THIS IS REAL LIFE!! this is REALLY HAPPENING!! I feel like I'm still homeless!! I don't want to go to a shelter again! somethings gotta give and I dont know what but I need help and I don't know where to go anymore! I can't keep depending on the one person who helps me when its hard. its unfair to them. its unfair to Turk to have to struggle with me!...I'm..scared...I'm going to loose her...and everyone else..because apparantly I'm a dick..
I'm a waste..
nothing...
it doesn't even matter anymore..
I hate being broke I'm litterly penniless and I'm trying to find a job again a steady one thats not weekends only working for my stepmom who likes to dock money cause she thinks we are counting hours wrong so she dont have to pay us the full amount. don't...work....for family..I need to get job clothes but thats money, i need to continue my fursuiting but to get the stuff thats money, I need to do commissions again but if my bank balance randomly goes up my social check will terminate..UGH! this sucks!
I'm BORED, DEPRESSED, I FEEL LIKE CRYING, I'M HIGHLY AGGRAVATED, I'M AGGRESSIVE WITHOUT WARNING, I'M GOING INSANE BEING CONFINED INDOORS ALL DAY CAUSE ITS TOO HOT AND I CAN'T AFFORD A SMALL AC!. I can't do this, Turk and I fight like almost everyday since moving into this place cause its too damn hot we share a comp and when one disagrees with the other then we say things like well gimme my laptop where as I reply to I'm paying for hte damn internet and the roof over your head what logic is this.
it just..UGH...I don't know what to do anymore, I didn't want to write a journal but I need to vent to something other than a damn stuffed animal..I feel so alone..anything I say is always taken the wrong way...I'm depressed like all hell, I miss my dogs and my rats..and I can't even afford to go get them...I don't know what I'm gonna do..I hate money..its the one thing I NEED to get ANYTHING done!, and I'm tired of asking, I know I owe art, I'm working on it then I just start crying, cause I know I'll need to open them again and I never get anything done cause I'm so stressed out. everythings on my shoulders. Turk has to go back in 2 and a half months if we don't get her citizenship, and I don't even know how we are gonna afford that.
we get married for 116 she looked it up and we can't even hold onto that much money!, cause we have to get food!, it just..AUGH!! I don't know I don't know!, and everytime I write a sad journal everyon just fucking thinks I'm looking for sympathy or I'm being a drama whore or something. THIS IS REAL LIFE!! this is REALLY HAPPENING!! I feel like I'm still homeless!! I don't want to go to a shelter again! somethings gotta give and I dont know what but I need help and I don't know where to go anymore! I can't keep depending on the one person who helps me when its hard. its unfair to them. its unfair to Turk to have to struggle with me!...I'm..scared...I'm going to loose her...and everyone else..because apparantly I'm a dick..
I'm a waste..
nothing...
it doesn't even matter anymore..
How about for digital commissions, you have ppl send money to your house (snail mail style) and rather than keeping it in your back account, keep it in a shoe box? it won't accumulate interest, but it goes under the radar and you can still draw a social check.
As for the phone thing, if you still can (idk if it's still a thing or not), but get fb mobile and just get fb messages rather than calls or txts. I had a friend that was using this instead of minutes but personally i have no idea how this works.
For food, get things that last a while and are cheap, like beans and rice and such. They may get boring to the taste buds but they're really good for you (so you won't get malnourished), they're super cheap, and they'll last you a while. Mooching on friends can help too, if they're willing to make enough to share. If they're close enough friend that you can be honest with, then I'm sure they wouldn't mind lending a hand now and again.
Do you guys get a lot of sun? Laundry could possibly be washed by hand and hang-dried? Good thing about heat means that things dry relatively quickly and hang-drying keeps clothes from shrinking...I hope humidity is not also an issue where you are (slows the drying process). then all you'd need to pay for is detergent rather than detergent, washers, and dryers at a wash place.
I don't have much advice when it comes to the fighting and arguing thing, other than do your best to make her happy? Stress and heat makes things strained by themselves, and from how it seems, there isn't much you can do about that now. Just make sure to talk to each other. Letting things build up will only make matters worse.
Being broke sucks, but panicking will only make it worse. I know it's a terribly hard thing to do and no one wants to hear it when they're the ones in the situation, but you have to stay calm. My family went through a terrible spell when I was smaller. We found that staying open with each other and finding friends we could be honest with helped us tremendously until we could get on our feet again. We did some of these things (saving money outside banks, etc.), too, and it was rough for us, but we pulled through if not by sheer determination.
Just a few suggestions that could possibly help? I hope things work out for you.