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VENTJOURNAL, (anyone need a roommate? Anywhere but here)
13 years ago
////excuse my spelling and general stream of consciousness writing/\
Time for a mellodramatic journal,
I just don't know how much farther I can slip,
Its been allmost a year and a half at my grandfathers and the weeks and months have started to blend together. I feel like I have nothing to show for the time I have spent here. Well maybe I do but it doesn't matter,
I doesn't matter becuase I live with a relative. Nothing agianst him, but I cannot express my self to my fullest around anyone realated to me.
(not sure why, we could go deeper into this another time)
And becuase of that, I never have people over,
I neglect my projects, and just try to pretend I"m not here. There is so much more to me then this. I don't even want to be caught chatting with friends or be caught drawing or making costumes, or listening to music in the open.
But I just keep slipping away.
I"m really close to moving out again, I know this is the way.
I just need to keep treding water, and I'll be fine, I know I can make it.
I just try to hold onto my cash and suffer through being stuck here.
Its hard to make connections because it cost so much to leave the house in gas alone. I"m allways caught between saving cash and being a ghost, or trying to have a good time but ultimately not having it last because I can't give back. Because I'm too far spread just by driving an hour to get there. Because I don't have the time to invest to show some one who I am.
____So move out and reap the rewards of something you made that you can be proud of and show this pride to others. Create my Zen garden for all.____
The part of this that I worry about is that don't want it to be a waste of my time.
I want to not live in SanDiego. And moving out of the relatives,,, to someplace in SanDeigo would just help put that goal farther away. Does that part make sense to you? If I fail to fully blossom in SanDiego on my own in my own place. I wll be so much farther away from not being in SanDiego.
I don't know what else to say about this place except that it is literally a cultural desert, a wasteland of SUV riding cardboard cutout familys and antisocial engineering majors.
And if doens't work out the next couple times, and if I finally hit the very bottom again, or bounce and fall after that. I will just give up and become the homeless street crust I allways daydream about. Don't feel bad for me at this point. I am fully prepared for it. I think ,,, idk thats why its a daydream. It seems harsh to be homeless but I would think of it as an extended camping trip.
I have 2000$ dollars, I am fully employable and able to get a job. My resume is pretty solid right now for an entry level job at any hiar salon.
...and if any one of my friends past or present can hear this cry for help. Some that can extend a hand to pull myslef up with. Don't hesitate to let me know that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. Or that is an empty patch of carpet that I can rent out for $$$$.
I just don't know how much farther I can slip,
Its been allmost a year and a half at my grandfathers and the weeks and months have started to blend together. I feel like I have nothing to show for the time I have spent here. Well maybe I do but it doesn't matter,
I doesn't matter becuase I live with a relative. Nothing agianst him, but I cannot express my self to my fullest around anyone realated to me.
(not sure why, we could go deeper into this another time)
And becuase of that, I never have people over,
I neglect my projects, and just try to pretend I"m not here. There is so much more to me then this. I don't even want to be caught chatting with friends or be caught drawing or making costumes, or listening to music in the open.
But I just keep slipping away.
I"m really close to moving out again, I know this is the way.
I just need to keep treding water, and I'll be fine, I know I can make it.
I just try to hold onto my cash and suffer through being stuck here.
Its hard to make connections because it cost so much to leave the house in gas alone. I"m allways caught between saving cash and being a ghost, or trying to have a good time but ultimately not having it last because I can't give back. Because I'm too far spread just by driving an hour to get there. Because I don't have the time to invest to show some one who I am.
____So move out and reap the rewards of something you made that you can be proud of and show this pride to others. Create my Zen garden for all.____
The part of this that I worry about is that don't want it to be a waste of my time.
I want to not live in SanDiego. And moving out of the relatives,,, to someplace in SanDeigo would just help put that goal farther away. Does that part make sense to you? If I fail to fully blossom in SanDiego on my own in my own place. I wll be so much farther away from not being in SanDiego.
I don't know what else to say about this place except that it is literally a cultural desert, a wasteland of SUV riding cardboard cutout familys and antisocial engineering majors.
And if doens't work out the next couple times, and if I finally hit the very bottom again, or bounce and fall after that. I will just give up and become the homeless street crust I allways daydream about. Don't feel bad for me at this point. I am fully prepared for it. I think ,,, idk thats why its a daydream. It seems harsh to be homeless but I would think of it as an extended camping trip.
I have 2000$ dollars, I am fully employable and able to get a job. My resume is pretty solid right now for an entry level job at any hiar salon.
...and if any one of my friends past or present can hear this cry for help. Some that can extend a hand to pull myslef up with. Don't hesitate to let me know that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. Or that is an empty patch of carpet that I can rent out for $$$$.
To let it out and store here digitally.
Or hell, go straight to the source and travel on your own accord with the limited amount of resources you have.
What you are not is a waste of time. This is all a learning experience. What I learned is the majority of your life you will take, and take, and take in order to just live. But by living, by being around with certain people, you are giving back what you've taken by being you. People want to invest their resources into you for a reason.
You are enough.
Don't sell yourself short. It's going to be tough, it will be tight, you will perhaps spend sleepless nights wishing you could go back to the nostalgic, the deserted familiar, but relish that you've gone this far without wanting to stop.
Know that you have many choices opened up and laid out in front of you. You have very little to lose, and that opens up many possibilities you wouldn't have otherwise had. Take this form of disaster and realize the other side of that coin shows opportunity.
I wish you luck. I myself have very little to give other than words. I wish I had the capacity to even give you leads for a place to live, but I don't. Be well, keep us up to date if you can.
You are a good man.
Then they sell it?
I might cruize just to chill, you know kick it and such! LOL
Then they sell it?
I might cruize just to chill, you know kick it and such! LOL
I am 20, i work IT for a company here in georgia, if you are looking for a good place to figure things out, in a slower pace city might be the best place to start, we have a fairly good music scene and being an hour away from atlanta doesnt hurt when you get bored :)
http://www.ansleyvillage.com/ this is where i plan on moving, and also if u are interested i could probably put in a good word with my company and get you a job at one of our stores or at my hair salon. I personally know the best stylist there and they practically worship her lol
But if you are interested i check my FA daily just send me a note and i will give you my number so we can talk details :) thanks for the consideration
Thanks though,