Apparently I’m too frustrated to sleep, so that makes it rant time. I’m not sure why I feel the need to put this in a public forum, but I suppose it’s an overwhelming disappointment with my recent dating life combined with a growing sense of self-esteem and sexual confidence/freedom that’s driving me to share my thoughts tonight.

I like sex. Period. You would think no further explanation was necessary, but apparently it is. I am a switch. A lot of people don’t know that, and there’s a lot who wouldn’t believe it even if they did. I am far more in love with the power exchange and turning the tables than I am with the actual having or relinquishing of power. I like to please, and I like to be pleased. I like to be in charge, and I really like being with someone who I can trust enough to let go of that control. That’s certainly not everyone. I have a complicated past sexually speaking, and it can make me extremely skittish unless that trust is established. Some people get it faster than others; some never get it. Regardless, I crave it, and I am constantly working toward it.

Romance has its place, but it must be in moderation and only at the right moments. On a regular basis, it annoys me to no end. For the most part, I want to be rough. I want to challenge, and I want to be challenged. I want dominance without threat; I want submission without timidity. I want someone who isn’t scared of my whips and chains. I want someone who won’t treat me like I’m made of glass. Pull my hair, and don’t be surprised when I pull yours. I really want a good kisser. Do not make a fish face at me. Seriously. I want to kiss playfully, teasingly, passionately. If you can’t keep up, don’t waste my time.

Have fun! I have spent too much time trying to impress and wondering if I’m doing something right, and honestly? I don’t care anymore. Sex is a means of self-expression and communication. The best sex I’ve had is when I’m not worried about it and just having fun, and I mean to keep it that way. If you don’t like the way I’m doing something, tell me. Tell me if you have a better idea. Expect the same courtesy from me. Try things out just for the hell of it, and if they don’t work out, don’t be upset.

Be confident. There is nothing more attractive than confidence. If you’re going to hold my hand, just do it. Don’t ask for permission. If I don’t want to hold your hand, I am more than adept at avoiding it. So don’t ask, just do. Take things slow enough, move one step at a time, and trust me to let you know when enough is enough. Don’t ask for my permission every step of the way, because you’ll very quickly start getting “no” where there was “yes” just moments before.

Sex is important. There’s no two ways about it. Whether you have it casually or intimately, whether you rush into bed or wait for the right time, every relationship boils down to sex. As a good friend of mine recently pointed out to me that a “romantic” relationship without sex is really just friendship, and it’s absolutely true. It’s a shame that sex has become so taboo in our culture. If we were more open and honest about our sexuality, I think we would understand ourselves and each other a lot better.