FA+
Shop
THIS JUST IN: Mitt Romney gives up on Presidency
13 years ago
General
August 11, 2012: Defying the predictions of every pundit this side of Birther-ville, Mitt Romney announced at a press conference this morning that he was officially giving up on reaching out to middle class American voters by picking Paul Ryan as his VP candidate.
When asked about his reasoning for making such an incredibly stupid decision, Mitt commented, "While sitting in my car elevator last night I had a revelation. GOP voters are so terrified of a black man in the White House that they'd vote for me no matter what I do. And Democrats and Independants with any sense whatsoever have already decided to vote for Obama, 'cause he actually cares what the peasants think. So I resolved to show my donors (by the way, Sheldon, last week's yacht party was off the hizzy!) that my promises to enrich them even further weren't just empty words. And who better to do it with than the author of the 1%er's budget himself? He knows as well as I do that the only way to save our great nation is to give even more tax breaks to billionaires."
After taking a moment to stifle his sniggers, he continued. "When I vowed to abolish taxes that would directly result in an 80 million dollar profit to myself, I meant it. And America, tale note; a vote for Romney and Ryan is a vote against the middle class."
Ryan, who is most well-known for two failed budget proposals that would have gutted Medicare and social programs while offering tax breaks to millionaires and corporations (and tax increases to everyone else), had this to say: "I owe all my success to Charles and David Koch. Those two brave billionaires are willing to spend as much as it takes to own America, and without their selfless selfish acts, no Teabagger in their right mind would even think of gutting the safety nets that make this nation so great and prosperous. Without their guidance, why, I daresay we might already have pulled out of this recession! Let's give them a hand, folks, and remember: THE MONEY'S ALWAYS RIGHT!"
Members of the Obama campaign could not be reached for comment, as they were out partying in the streets.
When asked about his reasoning for making such an incredibly stupid decision, Mitt commented, "While sitting in my car elevator last night I had a revelation. GOP voters are so terrified of a black man in the White House that they'd vote for me no matter what I do. And Democrats and Independants with any sense whatsoever have already decided to vote for Obama, 'cause he actually cares what the peasants think. So I resolved to show my donors (by the way, Sheldon, last week's yacht party was off the hizzy!) that my promises to enrich them even further weren't just empty words. And who better to do it with than the author of the 1%er's budget himself? He knows as well as I do that the only way to save our great nation is to give even more tax breaks to billionaires."
After taking a moment to stifle his sniggers, he continued. "When I vowed to abolish taxes that would directly result in an 80 million dollar profit to myself, I meant it. And America, tale note; a vote for Romney and Ryan is a vote against the middle class."
Ryan, who is most well-known for two failed budget proposals that would have gutted Medicare and social programs while offering tax breaks to millionaires and corporations (and tax increases to everyone else), had this to say: "I owe all my success to Charles and David Koch. Those two brave billionaires are willing to spend as much as it takes to own America, and without their selfless selfish acts, no Teabagger in their right mind would even think of gutting the safety nets that make this nation so great and prosperous. Without their guidance, why, I daresay we might already have pulled out of this recession! Let's give them a hand, folks, and remember: THE MONEY'S ALWAYS RIGHT!"
Members of the Obama campaign could not be reached for comment, as they were out partying in the streets.
Romney closed his press conference with these poignant words. "Fuck the poor. Who cares what they think anyway?"
Ryan will probably pull all the attention away from Romney, much like Palin did from McCain.
At a time when Congressional approval is in the low tens, Romney picks a man who has spent half his adult life working for Congress.
Paul Ryan is a fan of Ayn Rand, and we all know how awful and selfish her views are.
Etc., etc.
we elect the president based on a congregated voting bias. all that really happens is that our votes tell our local congressperson whom we'd LIKE to see voted on. the actual vote is not bound by any of our laws that the congressperson is forced to vote our way- but simple take major consideration to what we told them. then they vote their opinions.
in the past this has never much been a problem. but in resent years the fault in this system has begun to show itself due to more... "opinionated" congress-leaders, and more selfish/egocentric people.
then out of many of the last presidencies, this has been the one to show the face of MANY of the people we've elected. that being their greedy sides. they've already been more than willing to gut many systems, and out-right demean the common working person. (the insult to the minimum-wager when he questioned the congressman on what it was REALLY like living in america, opposed to what the congressman flat commanded him it was)
it looks like, in my opinion, this presidency might very well fail. Mittens is an impossibly strong leader within both sides of the congress. the common person might say those two together will force mitten's throne... sadly, the truth is BOTH houses are respecting him more for the decision.
given his general stand-point of "if your'e rich, you only need to be richer, and if you're not, then "he'YAH slaves WORK!! *cracks whip*" is surprising well accepted by the assholes that govern our lives, is a terrifying thought. one that gives way to a pause in exactly what america is. for it most CERTAINLY is not the one George Washington fought for in his life.
he have become precisely what he fought.
as for the second half: where that is true of the military, the sad part is the training turns most of the people's minds into mush. they end up with "military mentality" which would be to obey orders. no questions. and the high-ups are not exactly the best people to follow orders ("let's throw the cannon fodder at them!" idea)
then after that- the commander of the military is the president himself. so where the military is bound by oath to protect the people/constitution, the one giving orders may very well not be.
i could only hope the subordinates have the willpower to resist orders at that point.
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
He started the Mormon religion
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
XP
smart man, eh?
...exactly how to you make it though that much of life, and that long of a legal career and NOT realize that MEN WANK OFF LIKE JACKRABBITS. and tend to not do it via pure imagination alone.
not at all related to Hugh Hefner's current fame. pretty sure. no way at all connected. yup.
This is completely incorrect. And it's the reason he chose Paul Ryan.
He wanted something to mobilize the Tea Partiers and other conservatives to actually come out and vote. Romney's biggest problem wasn't Obama, despite what he might say; it's himself. He stood the very real chance that Republicans would be so unenthused that they wouldn't come out and vote. Just like how in 2008 Democrats came out in force to support Obama instead of just staying home and whining like they so often do.
Is it a good move? Hard to say, it'll be a real test of the Tea Party power.
I'll give Ryan credit, during the whole budget fiasco he was one of the very very few who actually laid all his cards out on the table and was willing to say "well what if we tried this?" As opposed to pretty much all the other Congressmen pulling their hair and saying "this is impossible! We can't do it!" So there's that.