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Like poison for my veins
13 years ago
Relationships seriously are. Even months after they seem to be poison me.
It has gotten to the point where I am starting to forget what Love feels like. Each time I try to feel it something happens that just prevents me from taking that leap. Shitty part is I really want to, perhaps I am just afraid of getting hurt again so I tie that feeling down. Part of it could be that I see things here and there that remind me of past relationships and that causes me to withdraw. One thing is for certain I am really fucked up. My mind is a gigantic cluster fuck of emotions and I can not sort them out.
In other news it looks like Maine is not going to work out. My possible roommate and I received word a day or two ago that an apt that we could afford and was pretty much perfect for us was taken. We had scheduled an appointment to see the apt but apparently some one else put down a deposit so we lost it. So atm maine is out of the question.
Some of you are raising your hands and yelling "YES" well don't. I a still trying to get the hell out of NY. Burlington Vermont was my back up plan and depending on what goes on there I might be relocating to VT instead. If that falls through I will try to find an apartment in NY which means I shall be looking for roommates come October or a place I can afford on my own.
Why do I still want to leave ny? well I though I had ironed somethings out but it seems there is still huge cluster fuck of hell and I am just tired of it. Each time I think its sorted out a new round of wtf explodes. I already wiped my hands clean once from it and that did not end so well for me.
But here is hoping the weekend and canoe trip brightens things up for me!
It has gotten to the point where I am starting to forget what Love feels like. Each time I try to feel it something happens that just prevents me from taking that leap. Shitty part is I really want to, perhaps I am just afraid of getting hurt again so I tie that feeling down. Part of it could be that I see things here and there that remind me of past relationships and that causes me to withdraw. One thing is for certain I am really fucked up. My mind is a gigantic cluster fuck of emotions and I can not sort them out.
In other news it looks like Maine is not going to work out. My possible roommate and I received word a day or two ago that an apt that we could afford and was pretty much perfect for us was taken. We had scheduled an appointment to see the apt but apparently some one else put down a deposit so we lost it. So atm maine is out of the question.
Some of you are raising your hands and yelling "YES" well don't. I a still trying to get the hell out of NY. Burlington Vermont was my back up plan and depending on what goes on there I might be relocating to VT instead. If that falls through I will try to find an apartment in NY which means I shall be looking for roommates come October or a place I can afford on my own.
Why do I still want to leave ny? well I though I had ironed somethings out but it seems there is still huge cluster fuck of hell and I am just tired of it. Each time I think its sorted out a new round of wtf explodes. I already wiped my hands clean once from it and that did not end so well for me.
But here is hoping the weekend and canoe trip brightens things up for me!
Sorry about the Maine apartment. Hopefully something good will turn up for you.
Canoe trip sounds like a lot of fun. Wish you a good weekend. ^_^