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Feeling little
13 years ago
So, one thing may be obvious. As you can tell from this whole account on here, and my Twitter account, and just all that stuff, or even if you just know me well enough in person, you may have gathered I might like this whole being little/babyfur thing just a little bit or something. And as mentioned in my last journal, lately it's something I've been trying to be more open about, and be more expressive with, and explore into further, even if I may not fully know how to express all of it. It's something I've kept hidden from friends forever, and something I began to suppress for a while as well.
But then I realised that all of these feelings were a bit bigger than I first thought, and that all of this was a bigger part of me, and that it's probably hurt me a bit to try to suppress everything and hide it all.
Sometimes it feels a bit even bigger than that though. Sometimes it feels like all of this is more than just an interest of mine. Of course, I used to think it was a much smaller interest than it is, and also used to convince myself that I didn't even like it. But I'm starting to think lately that it's an even bigger part of me than I've ever thought before, even with realising it's not just a small interest.
I'm not really sure how to put it, or how to word it really I guess. But I guess to put it bluntly, being little like this feels like a big part of my personality, and feels sometimes like the right thing for me, like it's what I'm supposed to be doing, or something like that. I guess sometimes I kind of feels like I should be littler than I am, but I'm forced to have to be big, and it gets hard, and I don't even know how to handle it, and it feels I'm not even supposed to be doing that or trying to be big, because I just feel like I'm little. It all feels like it's a real big part of the real me, to be little.
I also guess I just naturally have a lot of little tendencies. Just part of my personality, and how I act, and the things I do. Not even things I think about, or give any thought to, and sometimes just subconscious things. Just the way I am normally in my life, and I guess sometimes even my mindset, seems to be pretty little. I don't even realise most of this, because it's just me being me. But over time, I've started to actually look at myself and examine things, and notice a lot of little things about myself.
Basically, to sum all of that up right there, and to not keep rambling on more, I sometimes feel like in my life, I'm just naturally little or should be littler than I am, rather than it all just being an interest on the side. Part of me just feels like I am little or something like that. If that makes any sense at all. I'm having a hard time trying to explain what I want to say.
But then I realised that all of these feelings were a bit bigger than I first thought, and that all of this was a bigger part of me, and that it's probably hurt me a bit to try to suppress everything and hide it all.
Sometimes it feels a bit even bigger than that though. Sometimes it feels like all of this is more than just an interest of mine. Of course, I used to think it was a much smaller interest than it is, and also used to convince myself that I didn't even like it. But I'm starting to think lately that it's an even bigger part of me than I've ever thought before, even with realising it's not just a small interest.
I'm not really sure how to put it, or how to word it really I guess. But I guess to put it bluntly, being little like this feels like a big part of my personality, and feels sometimes like the right thing for me, like it's what I'm supposed to be doing, or something like that. I guess sometimes I kind of feels like I should be littler than I am, but I'm forced to have to be big, and it gets hard, and I don't even know how to handle it, and it feels I'm not even supposed to be doing that or trying to be big, because I just feel like I'm little. It all feels like it's a real big part of the real me, to be little.
I also guess I just naturally have a lot of little tendencies. Just part of my personality, and how I act, and the things I do. Not even things I think about, or give any thought to, and sometimes just subconscious things. Just the way I am normally in my life, and I guess sometimes even my mindset, seems to be pretty little. I don't even realise most of this, because it's just me being me. But over time, I've started to actually look at myself and examine things, and notice a lot of little things about myself.
Basically, to sum all of that up right there, and to not keep rambling on more, I sometimes feel like in my life, I'm just naturally little or should be littler than I am, rather than it all just being an interest on the side. Part of me just feels like I am little or something like that. If that makes any sense at all. I'm having a hard time trying to explain what I want to say.
TEAM PUPKITZ
For the most part, what I'd say and suggest is that you don't consider it a major part of you, but simply accept it as an interest, and like all interests it waxes and wanes with the seasons. If you tell yourself it's a major part of you now, if and when it does go on a decline for a myriad of reasons it might cause you trouble as you grapple with the loss of what you've been valuing as a core part of yourself.
Remember, something can be important without being integral!