18


__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A miss/mess on the livestream today! It didn't happen u.u I'm sorry! Time kinda got away from me so it's my fault... kinda... you can kinda blame the Yogscast, AKSpartankiiier, and maybe totalbiscuit/inthelittlewood [aka Martyn], because... y'know they are addicting! Oh and Vsauce too! Evil evil Vsauce with it's amazing video's and Mike with his amazing beard ;A;

I must admit... I am proud of myself and yet at the same time scared to ever loving death. I, just a few short minutes ago it seems, sent one of my flash fiction stories off to be scrutinized and possibly published!

Some have said that I was given keys to the city of your dreams
I'm more content to walk outside the walls and catch a breeze

If I could... I would simply drift away on a raft with my love at my side and leave all this behind. I'd have fond memories to take with me, of friends and family and the times shared but they wouldn't bind me as fiercely as I let them now. I'd rest so peacefully in the arms of Chris and let all the worries I've been holding onto go.

I've often fantasized about moving out of here with enough money in my pocket to not give a damn about the trivialities. I can see us two sitting on a window seat, cuddled together, as the sun goes down under the horizon turning the skies a wonderful crimson as the first stars begin to shine. We'd have each other and even now my heart longs for that... to have something soft playing in the background of the scene. Myself I've always heard something like "New Beginning - Another day" or in favor of a wintery atmosphere outside I'd have "David Lanz - Cristofori's Dream" playing while the fire place crackled and snapped cheerily.

I admit now that I feel whole now. I get out more often then I have for the last 10 or so years and have more of a social life then I've had in that same window of time! I get out and go to places and feel... I feel welcome as before if I'd have gone by myself I'd feel awkward and shy away. I mean I do still get some separation anxiety from the degrees that keep me and my love separate and the fates that tease and taunt us both so. I also cannot damn the object between us. It doesn't know its barring the way it just exists and pulls in.