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I just need to get this down. (EXTREMELY LONG!)
13 years ago
Okay, so here's the plan...
Lenoh: I've been beaten by my older sister from my earliest memories
Lenoh: I've had a hard childhood
Lenoh: I tried to hang myself with my underwear
Lenoh: When I was 12
Lenoh: As punishment, I had to stay with my brother and my insane sister in law in Kansas for 6 months
Lenoh: Forcefed pickles, beets, and creamed corn every day because my nephew liked them
Lenoh: And speaking of that nephew -- he was a fucking git and his preferred method of fighting was to bite you and try to kick you in the groin
Lenoh: I still have a scar on my right lower leg because of him
Lenoh: From May 1999 to Dec. 2000 I was pretty much level :D
Lenoh: But it's in 2001 that the fit really hit the shan.
Lenoh: I had to move from East San Jose (seriously a single bus ride from FC (in those days)! The then-81 would have taken me within walking distance. Now it's a single Light Rail ride :P)
Lenoh: All the way to Porterville to finish out my Freshman year with my loser father and my cholo brother
Lenoh: My father actually tried to kill me when I was 2.
Lenoh: I wouldn't get dressed so he sat me on the chest-style freezer and pushed down on my head
Lenoh: I was actually happy from 2001 until 200...4, IIRC
Lenoh: Since I thought humanity was a steaming pile anyway and I enjoyed being a hermit
Lenoh: I had one friend and he played video games and that was good enough for me
Lenoh: Then I discovered that oh my god I could be SOCIAL!
Lenoh: And I started going to Sunnyvale every so often because my mom did the 26 anyway and she'd drop me off
Lenoh: and I'd go to the Golfland, have fun for a couple hours, come back, catch her, and we'd go home
Lenoh: And then in 2005 I was looking in the mirror and really noticed my facial structure and my teeth
Lenoh: and I Googled "I think I might be a cat"
Lenoh: tl;dr Google turned me furry
Lenoh: So I started hearing about this convention, and omg it was in San Jose! It was called Further Confusion! It happened every January! I was 19! Of age! I could go!
Lenoh: And then I remembered HERPDERP YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: 2006: MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: 2007: MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: 2008: MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: You get the point
Lenoh: Finally in October of 2010 I get a call from my grandmother asking me if I want to help take care of my grandfather because he's having a very hard time doing normal living stuff.
Lenoh: It pays...okay. I had to wrest her up to $20/night (9pm-9am) and $5/hour after 9am.
Lenoh: I inform her the very first week of my intent to go to FC (calling it a sci-fi con)
Lenoh: So the time comes, I make sure she's still OK with it, and I go.
Lenoh: I end up getting con crud because HERP I DIDN'T TAKE MY VITAMIN C OFTEN ENOUGH (2x a day, I was taking it mornings only)
Lenoh: I try to make it home the Friday after con, my chest feels like a facehugger laid eggs in it, I'm burning up, but god dammit I'm gonna go home and take care of my granddad!
Lenoh: My mom calls me as I'm just about to get on the bus to go to the train station to go home
Lenoh: She has me go back to Skie's and have her take care of me for the weekend, and she'll talk to Grandma and explain the situation (mainly that I, as a carrier of con crud, would be unsafe to be around my very immunodeficient grandfather)
Lenoh: GM takes it COMPLETELY wrong, thinks I'm lazy, and fires me that day
Lenoh: I plead my case, she hires me back on at half pay, but by this time grandpa is MUCH worse due to the fact that nobody's bothered to exercise the man for the 3 weeks I was out.
Lenoh: He starts spiralling downhill for the next 2 months, when grandma gives me a surprise "get over here" at 5pm when I'm not scheduled until 9. I was with my mother taking care of business in the Bay. I told her I'd get back as quickly as I could, explained my situation, and we basically sped the entire way home.
Lenoh: Grandma gets JEALOUS, fires me AGAIN, and from there Grandpa is admitted into a hospice for a week, comes back home for another 3 weeks, then he takes a turn for the worse, my uncle administers drops to "help [Grandpa] pass", and that's it.
Lenoh: tl;dr my grandmother and uncle murdered my grandfather behind my back
This is the main reason why I'm depressed.
Lenoh: I've had a hard childhood
Lenoh: I tried to hang myself with my underwear
Lenoh: When I was 12
Lenoh: As punishment, I had to stay with my brother and my insane sister in law in Kansas for 6 months
Lenoh: Forcefed pickles, beets, and creamed corn every day because my nephew liked them
Lenoh: And speaking of that nephew -- he was a fucking git and his preferred method of fighting was to bite you and try to kick you in the groin
Lenoh: I still have a scar on my right lower leg because of him
Lenoh: From May 1999 to Dec. 2000 I was pretty much level :D
Lenoh: But it's in 2001 that the fit really hit the shan.
Lenoh: I had to move from East San Jose (seriously a single bus ride from FC (in those days)! The then-81 would have taken me within walking distance. Now it's a single Light Rail ride :P)
Lenoh: All the way to Porterville to finish out my Freshman year with my loser father and my cholo brother
Lenoh: My father actually tried to kill me when I was 2.
Lenoh: I wouldn't get dressed so he sat me on the chest-style freezer and pushed down on my head
Lenoh: I was actually happy from 2001 until 200...4, IIRC
Lenoh: Since I thought humanity was a steaming pile anyway and I enjoyed being a hermit
Lenoh: I had one friend and he played video games and that was good enough for me
Lenoh: Then I discovered that oh my god I could be SOCIAL!
Lenoh: And I started going to Sunnyvale every so often because my mom did the 26 anyway and she'd drop me off
Lenoh: and I'd go to the Golfland, have fun for a couple hours, come back, catch her, and we'd go home
Lenoh: And then in 2005 I was looking in the mirror and really noticed my facial structure and my teeth
Lenoh: and I Googled "I think I might be a cat"
Lenoh: tl;dr Google turned me furry
Lenoh: So I started hearing about this convention, and omg it was in San Jose! It was called Further Confusion! It happened every January! I was 19! Of age! I could go!
Lenoh: And then I remembered HERPDERP YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: 2006: MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: 2007: MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: 2008: MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Lenoh: You get the point
Lenoh: Finally in October of 2010 I get a call from my grandmother asking me if I want to help take care of my grandfather because he's having a very hard time doing normal living stuff.
Lenoh: It pays...okay. I had to wrest her up to $20/night (9pm-9am) and $5/hour after 9am.
Lenoh: I inform her the very first week of my intent to go to FC (calling it a sci-fi con)
Lenoh: So the time comes, I make sure she's still OK with it, and I go.
Lenoh: I end up getting con crud because HERP I DIDN'T TAKE MY VITAMIN C OFTEN ENOUGH (2x a day, I was taking it mornings only)
Lenoh: I try to make it home the Friday after con, my chest feels like a facehugger laid eggs in it, I'm burning up, but god dammit I'm gonna go home and take care of my granddad!
Lenoh: My mom calls me as I'm just about to get on the bus to go to the train station to go home
Lenoh: She has me go back to Skie's and have her take care of me for the weekend, and she'll talk to Grandma and explain the situation (mainly that I, as a carrier of con crud, would be unsafe to be around my very immunodeficient grandfather)
Lenoh: GM takes it COMPLETELY wrong, thinks I'm lazy, and fires me that day
Lenoh: I plead my case, she hires me back on at half pay, but by this time grandpa is MUCH worse due to the fact that nobody's bothered to exercise the man for the 3 weeks I was out.
Lenoh: He starts spiralling downhill for the next 2 months, when grandma gives me a surprise "get over here" at 5pm when I'm not scheduled until 9. I was with my mother taking care of business in the Bay. I told her I'd get back as quickly as I could, explained my situation, and we basically sped the entire way home.
Lenoh: Grandma gets JEALOUS, fires me AGAIN, and from there Grandpa is admitted into a hospice for a week, comes back home for another 3 weeks, then he takes a turn for the worse, my uncle administers drops to "help [Grandpa] pass", and that's it.
Lenoh: tl;dr my grandmother and uncle murdered my grandfather behind my back
This is the main reason why I'm depressed.
A: Continue what you're doing right now (which doesn't seem to be working)
B: Make a massive life change and forget about the past.