I wanted to post this yesterday morning after I got home from work but it was late enough that everyone was ready to go for day three of Rainfurrest.

Lately I've been thinking a lot of this picture that was the finale piece to the commission sequence I bought from Arania several years ago. To be honest I love the picture and at times I feel it's the best piece I've had commissioned. The picture has become rather emotional for me- it's a very affectionate piece with lots of warm, positive feelings. But I also feel sadness from it because I know I'm not the same unicorn I was when it was done.

I am a therian (http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Therianthropy as a reference) and yes with being a unicorn/kirin some would argue it makes me otherkin (http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Otherkin again for reference).

A simplistic definition from wikifur-
Therians believe that they have an intrinsic, personal, and integral connection to an animal (or animals)...

...Therianthropy is sometimes viewed as a spiritual counterpart to furry fandom, which is concerned more with imagination than belief. Some furries view therianthropy as "taking it too far," while some therians view furries as frivolous and ignorant of the "true nature" of animals. However, relations are usually friendly, and therians can often be found at furry conventions and other social events...

...Therians differ from the furry lifestyle in that they do not feel a need to costume themselves or pretend to be their animal--they feel they already are their animal, inside, and must cope with this rather than promoting it to the world. Furry lifestylers wish to become and behave like their animal, while therians believe they already are their animal. This is not to say someone cannot be both! There are a number of therians in the furry community (and of course, vice versa). Being therian is not a lifestyle choice, but being furry is--a therian can make that choice as well.

Therians also do not, in any way, choose their animal side. Most believe they are born with it. It may take a lot of introspection and soul-searching for some therians to come to terms with their animal nature. The therian nature is not based on stereotypes (such as a wolf howling at the moon, or a lion's courage), but instead reflects the living animal's behavior more closely.

Therian nature is distinct from aspects of shamanism or working with totem spirits. Therians do not acquire their animal traits from outside of themselves, via invocation of a spirit...

Furrywise I'm actually a wolf, which may or may not surprise people that know me.


The events of last autumn can be followed to a degree from a number of commissions I had done then and as a therian they shook me hard and I view as a corruption of that spiritual animal. After over 9 years of acknowledging that part of me and intimately learning that part of me and having it as something that was always there that identity was lost. I do admit that I have those individuals involved to also thank for helping me to finally accept the part of me that actually makes me kirin. But even though it has been most of a year that my spiritual side has been a kirin I've realized this past week that I've not done much soul searching or even taken a hard look to see what that aspect of me looks like and that has impacted my human life also.

I've taken a sketch book to the con the past two days and been slowly working that out. It's terrible how out of practice I am on drawing but I might go and try to upload some of the pieces if I feel satisfied enough with them. I would also like to get an actual commission at some point and already have an idea of whom to talk to about it. I'm not sure when it will be as I've been trying to watch it on finances due to the increased costs with the new place we're in and because I am hoping to get to spend the holidays with a friend I have romantic interests with.