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Gah!
13 years ago
Can is not the same as must..
Sometimes, I just truly wonder what the hell is going on with my life! I'm thinking, okay, this is bad and that is bad, it's not working as I expected but all in all, I have a better life compared to those who are less unfortunate. Just being an asshole and brat here but god... I just had one of those terrible week where my body was pushed to the limit of exhaustion. I could go no more!
I work Monday to Friday and if that's not bad enough, I bring my fucking work HOME! Couldn't follow up with my job assignments and I had to forced myself to bring it back home to do and it's not easy. I've never done a job that requires so much thinking before! When I had my part time jobs, they weren't brain inducing headache but this? This requires a whole lot of knowledge. So much so that I had to read stuff that I barely even know and recognize at all.
Imagine this: Working monday to friday, saturday, back home with work and on a sunday, study for class. I'm exhausted. If that's not enough, My family has Grandma to worry about.
I've not been at home most of the time. I work, gym, class at night and that's that. I come back home at night and whatever that happens during the afternoon and evening, I don't know. My mum works half day and cause of that, my grandma is beginning to take that for granted. It's been a year plus now but Grandma is sick. She knows she's sick, WE know she's sick. It's not cancer or anything but water retention problem within her body. The doctor actually did a thorough checkup and found that she has at least more than 7 of those large 1.5litre of bottled water inside of her. Imagine having THAT amount inside of you and not coming out, at all. She's bloated with water and that's something very bad.
Doctor has diagnosed that it was so bad that it's beginning to seep into her lungs. There were slight indication of water inside her lungs and that explains why she had difficulty breathing a few days ago. but that's not the worse part of it... god... why... She isn't taking her medication! My grandma literally LIED to the doctor. She thinks she's all great and mighty and doesn't listen to us and the doctor. She needs to go on a diet, on a salt and sugar free diet but nnnooo.... she doesn't listen and just goes on eating whatever she likes. The next best part is where she actually denied eating all of those. When we told her off (we actually saw her eating behind our backs), we got scolding. As they always say, respect your elders, listen to them, blah blah blah. Cause of that, we don't argue back and just listen and hang our heads low.
I just don't know what should I even do any longer. It doesn't affect me directly but indirectly. My mum has to see this through and the doctor even whispered to her, telling 'to prepare for the worse'. Do you know how heartbreaking and devastated that sounded when I was told about that? Grandma was my everything during my childhood. She taught me stuff and etiquette in life. To lose her like this? It's not worth it. How the hell can I say that I respect her any more when she doesn't even fight the battle! She's lost the will to live! She just wants to die. Hell.... she even said out loud that she would rather die than to live any longer. I just cannot accept one how person could fight like this. This is not right.
All of this, adds up with work, studies and peers, not to mention my colleagues, I'm exhausted. At this moment, I just wish to stay in a corner for the day and suck on my thumb and cry to sleep.
/End/
Nothing to see here. Move along. :D
I work Monday to Friday and if that's not bad enough, I bring my fucking work HOME! Couldn't follow up with my job assignments and I had to forced myself to bring it back home to do and it's not easy. I've never done a job that requires so much thinking before! When I had my part time jobs, they weren't brain inducing headache but this? This requires a whole lot of knowledge. So much so that I had to read stuff that I barely even know and recognize at all.
Imagine this: Working monday to friday, saturday, back home with work and on a sunday, study for class. I'm exhausted. If that's not enough, My family has Grandma to worry about.
I've not been at home most of the time. I work, gym, class at night and that's that. I come back home at night and whatever that happens during the afternoon and evening, I don't know. My mum works half day and cause of that, my grandma is beginning to take that for granted. It's been a year plus now but Grandma is sick. She knows she's sick, WE know she's sick. It's not cancer or anything but water retention problem within her body. The doctor actually did a thorough checkup and found that she has at least more than 7 of those large 1.5litre of bottled water inside of her. Imagine having THAT amount inside of you and not coming out, at all. She's bloated with water and that's something very bad.
Doctor has diagnosed that it was so bad that it's beginning to seep into her lungs. There were slight indication of water inside her lungs and that explains why she had difficulty breathing a few days ago. but that's not the worse part of it... god... why... She isn't taking her medication! My grandma literally LIED to the doctor. She thinks she's all great and mighty and doesn't listen to us and the doctor. She needs to go on a diet, on a salt and sugar free diet but nnnooo.... she doesn't listen and just goes on eating whatever she likes. The next best part is where she actually denied eating all of those. When we told her off (we actually saw her eating behind our backs), we got scolding. As they always say, respect your elders, listen to them, blah blah blah. Cause of that, we don't argue back and just listen and hang our heads low.
I just don't know what should I even do any longer. It doesn't affect me directly but indirectly. My mum has to see this through and the doctor even whispered to her, telling 'to prepare for the worse'. Do you know how heartbreaking and devastated that sounded when I was told about that? Grandma was my everything during my childhood. She taught me stuff and etiquette in life. To lose her like this? It's not worth it. How the hell can I say that I respect her any more when she doesn't even fight the battle! She's lost the will to live! She just wants to die. Hell.... she even said out loud that she would rather die than to live any longer. I just cannot accept one how person could fight like this. This is not right.
All of this, adds up with work, studies and peers, not to mention my colleagues, I'm exhausted. At this moment, I just wish to stay in a corner for the day and suck on my thumb and cry to sleep.
/End/
Nothing to see here. Move along. :D
I'm truely sad that your week has went this way, but hopefully, sometime before this week gets super busy, that there is something to look forward to and it's a good week.
Well, it's always something fun to look forward to on FA with new...arts?
That's when we started mixing traditional and modern... which made things complicated. I learned something from this: never mix traditional and modern pills cause it kills one another. Either the old kills the new or the new kills the old. :\