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What's wrong with me...?
17 years ago
Look, I can't spill my guts on a journal entry. But hey, here I go.
A short distance away from my house, there was a car wreck. My mom called the cops felt like eight minutes passed before they arrived. Two people were in this Nissan, a man and a woman. They were speeding about 100 miles, the car flipped 5 times and hit a small tree. The car was an SUV, so it can flip quite a bit when it tumbles over.
The windows were down and the man flew out of the car, got two lacerations on his chest and his leg. The woman got a nasty cut on her leg, but they both survived.
The thing that gets me though, is that I feel unfazed. All of that drama happened, and I don't feel bad. Even when details were sketchy and we thought there was a baby in the car, I couldn't show any sadness. I've gotten so good at repressing my anger to the point where if I get angry at the slightest thing, I can only stay mad for a minute. Most of the time, this works in my favor. But sometimes it makes me feel... a bit unwell...
What scares me, is that somedays I have mood swings. I can be angry one minute and have a good reason to be upset, and at the flick of a hand, I can just... switch it off (if that makes any sense).
I suffer from excessive loneliness, name your cliche. I've gotten so used to loneliness that I kind of depend on it. Hell, I had to gather up some courage to talk to some people that were standing not too far away from me. And when I did, I actually enjoyed myself. Now I have plenty of friends at school... but at home, I have no social life and I'm a bit of a recluse...
I need a social life... desperately...
A short distance away from my house, there was a car wreck. My mom called the cops felt like eight minutes passed before they arrived. Two people were in this Nissan, a man and a woman. They were speeding about 100 miles, the car flipped 5 times and hit a small tree. The car was an SUV, so it can flip quite a bit when it tumbles over.
The windows were down and the man flew out of the car, got two lacerations on his chest and his leg. The woman got a nasty cut on her leg, but they both survived.
The thing that gets me though, is that I feel unfazed. All of that drama happened, and I don't feel bad. Even when details were sketchy and we thought there was a baby in the car, I couldn't show any sadness. I've gotten so good at repressing my anger to the point where if I get angry at the slightest thing, I can only stay mad for a minute. Most of the time, this works in my favor. But sometimes it makes me feel... a bit unwell...
What scares me, is that somedays I have mood swings. I can be angry one minute and have a good reason to be upset, and at the flick of a hand, I can just... switch it off (if that makes any sense).
I suffer from excessive loneliness, name your cliche. I've gotten so used to loneliness that I kind of depend on it. Hell, I had to gather up some courage to talk to some people that were standing not too far away from me. And when I did, I actually enjoyed myself. Now I have plenty of friends at school... but at home, I have no social life and I'm a bit of a recluse...
I need a social life... desperately...
It sounds like you have good control of your temper, but just be careful that you're not just bottling it up. Drawing is a great way to relieve whatever emotion you have in you. Even if its not very good, sometimes a violent drawing helps get the anger out. If you're feeling sad, draw what you feel. Its a great way to keep your emotions in check. You don't have to post them online, they can be personal if you want them to be. Even keeping a personal journal can help.
I have a bit of a hard time talking to people, well strangers, at first too. Just put yourself out there. Its good to be social with people and I know it can seem intimidating, but sometimes you just got to push passed your fears.
Good luck!