Nicholas Cage In The Mall Of Hell
O.K., so... let me tell you about this dream I had. It made a little sense to me, actually... and seemed pretty real before it turned into a "movie."

It was a long dream, but the earliest I remember it... I'm walking outside (YES! I'm outside and not scared!) and there's this nerdy black guy handing out pamphlets. He sees me and runs up to talk to me.

So Barack Obama is a spirit animal that leaps out of his body into other animals at night. The black dude tells me about a time he caught Obama in the form of a turtle one day. I laugh to humor him "wow, no way, right?" I take one of his pamphlets and stuff in my pocket, going around the corner (I WANT TO AVOID THIS WEIRDO) and entering this huge mall.

There are all these stores at the mall, some of them selling old gaming stuff. That's when I meet Nicholas Cage. He starts talking to me about weird shit. Again I have to laugh it off "I hear ya, man!" and try to lose him. He starts following me around. I end up seeing him in EVERY store at the mall. In a sports store he's throwing dodge balls around and babbling about the government. In other stores he's just babbling about nonsense. "A golden shoe in my ear was not a very good telephone for Bill Cosby's pussy!"

I eventually find out every store has a Nicholas Cage. That's when things got really creepy. One store was just filled with Cages, all slightly different. They seemed to be retarded because when I asked them a question they'd laugh. My questions don't seem to elicit a cognitive response. I ask "Is there anyone here that's NOT retarded?" I was getting angry because now I was scared. An older Cage walks up to me and says he understands me. He tells me about the mall and where the Cages came from. I don't remember what he said exactly but it made sense at the time. Then he told me he was tired of it all. He wanted this nonsense to end. He took out a gun and blew his face off. I ran out of the store. When I looked back the old Cage's face was back on. He looked depressed... like he could not escape even in death.

As I ran I saw another Nicholas Cage, this one was much younger, like in his early 20s. He was going nuts at some fruit smoothie shop in the food court. He took out a gun and shot his face off. It flew into this old woman's purse. His face regrew and he started shooting his neck in a line. He then jumped through some glass and shards flew everywhere. He got to his feet, picked up a large shard of glass and happily (with a big grin and everything.) sliced his head off with it. His head flew in the air, spun around, and landed back on his neck, only this time with the tongue hanging out and the eyes rolled back. His body moved like it was still alive (and with brain functions!) and he lunged at people just to scare them. People laughed and screamed as they watched this. I RAN THE FUCK AWAY.

As I was running there was this guy by the doors dressed like Elvis. I said "there's Elvis" like it was a positive thing. Like if you see Elvis standing by the exits then good luck will come to you. I sat beside Elvis, trying to breath. He looked at me and said "you made it. You got to the end." oh. Goodie. I exited the mall and then credits began to play... it was a... MOVIE DREAM? Okay! (???)

Seems like it would be directed or written by Charlie Kaufman.