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Depression... and a bit about me
13 years ago
So.. I posted this on IMVU..
"My anger controls me it consumes me
and its hard to believe
I'm come so far just trying to succeed
but now I'm failing
and depression slowly takes the lead
This anger and depression slowly takes control of me
It gets harder and harder to even see the light at the end of the tunnel
The one thing that I chase gets farther and farther away
Success and my Dreams which are beyond normal teens
I'm crawling in my skin with all these people around me dating and smoking weed
While I sit here and think how the universe came to be..
No one else gives a damn
All they care about is YOLO and "Swag"
Intelligence is non-existent
Friends slip away
I'm 'dissing' everything they follow which is the trends of today
Take me back to 1980s I'll be happier that way
But since theres no time machine give me back my friends, give me back my games, take away this evil depression and stress, let me be a regular teen...
I'll still have my scars.. I'll still hold my pride.. I won't be 'Trans Enough' but I'll at least have what normal human beings need to survive
Its been ten months and everyone says "You'll make new friends!" as they leave.. But what if I make nothing and depression drags me down.. Medication won't do sh*t.. What do you think of me? Am I just a clown?.. I'm writing this to feel free, I'm writing this to survive on the last thing that I have that'll never leave me or die.. My intelligent and creative mind which it seems society is blind to and its not seen by the average eye ..Just like me you see.. I'm far from your average guy.. So take a chair, sit down, and prepare yourself for the ride.. Maybe have a cup o' joe.. Since that's the average.. That truly meets the eye"
After I posted that I felt a little bit better so I decided to play MW3 since I haven't in a while..
Lets just say I raged and turned it off.. and got even more depressed and stressed than I already am..
So I decided to post on here..
In the last 10 months I lost all of the friends I used to game with, a girlfriend, my dog (had to be put down due to cancer), and now I'm failing school.. on top of all of this is my transition ..I'm FtM transgender.. and out of the 18 friends I lost at least half of them was because of that.. same with the girlfriend.. plus she decided to go run off with some 30 year old on xbox and is most likely pregnant by now so OH WELL BACK TO THE POINT..
I'm only 14 dealing with all of this and have barely any friends and really am starting to wonder how I deal with all of this? Today or.. yesterday happened to be my 4 months on T I'm getting top surgery and a full hysterectomy (I have Ovarian Cysts so why not just cut it out?) February 27th so I can go back to school since I've been homeschooled for 4 years after being almost bullied to death in a little town called Exeter.. Now I'm really wondering how and why I deal.. also I'm realizing how alone/lonely I really am.. Basically a cry for help or some kind of friendship I suppose.. I just wish the people I used to game with and talk to were still here.. Maybe I wouldn't be this way..
"My anger controls me it consumes me
and its hard to believe
I'm come so far just trying to succeed
but now I'm failing
and depression slowly takes the lead
This anger and depression slowly takes control of me
It gets harder and harder to even see the light at the end of the tunnel
The one thing that I chase gets farther and farther away
Success and my Dreams which are beyond normal teens
I'm crawling in my skin with all these people around me dating and smoking weed
While I sit here and think how the universe came to be..
No one else gives a damn
All they care about is YOLO and "Swag"
Intelligence is non-existent
Friends slip away
I'm 'dissing' everything they follow which is the trends of today
Take me back to 1980s I'll be happier that way
But since theres no time machine give me back my friends, give me back my games, take away this evil depression and stress, let me be a regular teen...
I'll still have my scars.. I'll still hold my pride.. I won't be 'Trans Enough' but I'll at least have what normal human beings need to survive
Its been ten months and everyone says "You'll make new friends!" as they leave.. But what if I make nothing and depression drags me down.. Medication won't do sh*t.. What do you think of me? Am I just a clown?.. I'm writing this to feel free, I'm writing this to survive on the last thing that I have that'll never leave me or die.. My intelligent and creative mind which it seems society is blind to and its not seen by the average eye ..Just like me you see.. I'm far from your average guy.. So take a chair, sit down, and prepare yourself for the ride.. Maybe have a cup o' joe.. Since that's the average.. That truly meets the eye"
After I posted that I felt a little bit better so I decided to play MW3 since I haven't in a while..
Lets just say I raged and turned it off.. and got even more depressed and stressed than I already am..
So I decided to post on here..
In the last 10 months I lost all of the friends I used to game with, a girlfriend, my dog (had to be put down due to cancer), and now I'm failing school.. on top of all of this is my transition ..I'm FtM transgender.. and out of the 18 friends I lost at least half of them was because of that.. same with the girlfriend.. plus she decided to go run off with some 30 year old on xbox and is most likely pregnant by now so OH WELL BACK TO THE POINT..
I'm only 14 dealing with all of this and have barely any friends and really am starting to wonder how I deal with all of this? Today or.. yesterday happened to be my 4 months on T I'm getting top surgery and a full hysterectomy (I have Ovarian Cysts so why not just cut it out?) February 27th so I can go back to school since I've been homeschooled for 4 years after being almost bullied to death in a little town called Exeter.. Now I'm really wondering how and why I deal.. also I'm realizing how alone/lonely I really am.. Basically a cry for help or some kind of friendship I suppose.. I just wish the people I used to game with and talk to were still here.. Maybe I wouldn't be this way..
