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So mad right now
13 years ago
General
NaNo Novel: Here Falls The Thunder
So, friend of mine is pushing me to make a Tumblr. For reasons I cannot comprehend. I mean, I have a Facebook. Well -had-, because I never use it anymore. I never -did- anything in a day that would lead me to post on Facebook half the time. I'm not one of those people who does 4-5 posts a day, or evel 5 post a weeks. Maybe...2-3 times a month? And that's on a generous month.
So he suggests I use it to follow other folks' blogs and reblog stuff. But the point of social media is to hook up with your friends and from there make new ones. I don't have any friends besides my brother who use Tumblr, and the reply system is shit compared to Facebook. As for reblogging or liking content, what difference is between using Tumblr and just doing a google search if I wanted to find some kind of content, be it art or words?
What really bugged me when was I asked to see his because I was rather unfamiliar with Tumblr, and he got all vague. He told me he had nothing to hide but was all "Maybe I'll let you see it some day". And honestly, that pissed me off more than anything. He wants me to make a personal blog so he can follow it, but I can't see what his is and he goes out of his way to be vague about it? The fuck is this?
And quite frankly, this lack of two way communication pisses me off. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've known or STILL know folks where all the communication is one way. I rarely hear from them, I have to go out of my way to find and talk to them, and after a while it feels awkward as hell because it's like "Do you want people to talk to you in the first place? How am I supposed to be friends with you or establish a friendship when you NEVER want to talk!" I mean really, I could look at my friend's list for virtually any of IMs or Steam and shit, and I will guarantee you at least 2/3rds of the friends I know never actually come to ME to say "Hey, how are you? How was your day? Anything happen?" I'm always the one coming to them to chat. ALWAYS.
How is it being friends when you never want to come to me. You can plainly see that I'm on, and I know you're not so busy or so distracted that a simple 'howdy, friend' is outside of your ability to perform. Now if you think I'm talking about you, just think about the time's we've chatted and who talks to who first, and that'll answer that.
Anyway, I got to thinking: "Maybe I could post my writing?" Only then I realized no-one ever fucking read my writing. Yes, most of what I got was PCA, but I've got three entries to NaNo, and only one of them had anyone who said they'd read it, and I'm pretty sure neither of them did. I mean really? You can't spend some time looking at my work? But writers barely get any recognition, espsecially around here. Good fucking luck getting anything even close to views.
"But Mel, you should do it for yourself!"
Sure, I could see that argument. But honestly, I want people to enjoy it too. I'd love for people to see my stuff and tell me what they think. Tell me what part they liked, what part they didn't, tell me what character they enjoyed, or made them sad. But no, no-one wants to engage their fucking brain for longer than a few minutes. It's all about porn and smut and pinups, and style and nice colors. Good luck getting the written word to get nearly the awe a half-decent piece of pornography will garner.
But then I also remembered I haven't written anything in months. Between looking for a job (which is failing miserably) and video games...I do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fuck.
So it's like, what's the fucking point?
I don't know, it's 5:30, I'm awake, I'm annoyed, I'm pissed, I'm frustrated. I don't know. Fuck it all.
So he suggests I use it to follow other folks' blogs and reblog stuff. But the point of social media is to hook up with your friends and from there make new ones. I don't have any friends besides my brother who use Tumblr, and the reply system is shit compared to Facebook. As for reblogging or liking content, what difference is between using Tumblr and just doing a google search if I wanted to find some kind of content, be it art or words?
What really bugged me when was I asked to see his because I was rather unfamiliar with Tumblr, and he got all vague. He told me he had nothing to hide but was all "Maybe I'll let you see it some day". And honestly, that pissed me off more than anything. He wants me to make a personal blog so he can follow it, but I can't see what his is and he goes out of his way to be vague about it? The fuck is this?
And quite frankly, this lack of two way communication pisses me off. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've known or STILL know folks where all the communication is one way. I rarely hear from them, I have to go out of my way to find and talk to them, and after a while it feels awkward as hell because it's like "Do you want people to talk to you in the first place? How am I supposed to be friends with you or establish a friendship when you NEVER want to talk!" I mean really, I could look at my friend's list for virtually any of IMs or Steam and shit, and I will guarantee you at least 2/3rds of the friends I know never actually come to ME to say "Hey, how are you? How was your day? Anything happen?" I'm always the one coming to them to chat. ALWAYS.
How is it being friends when you never want to come to me. You can plainly see that I'm on, and I know you're not so busy or so distracted that a simple 'howdy, friend' is outside of your ability to perform. Now if you think I'm talking about you, just think about the time's we've chatted and who talks to who first, and that'll answer that.
Anyway, I got to thinking: "Maybe I could post my writing?" Only then I realized no-one ever fucking read my writing. Yes, most of what I got was PCA, but I've got three entries to NaNo, and only one of them had anyone who said they'd read it, and I'm pretty sure neither of them did. I mean really? You can't spend some time looking at my work? But writers barely get any recognition, espsecially around here. Good fucking luck getting anything even close to views.
"But Mel, you should do it for yourself!"
Sure, I could see that argument. But honestly, I want people to enjoy it too. I'd love for people to see my stuff and tell me what they think. Tell me what part they liked, what part they didn't, tell me what character they enjoyed, or made them sad. But no, no-one wants to engage their fucking brain for longer than a few minutes. It's all about porn and smut and pinups, and style and nice colors. Good luck getting the written word to get nearly the awe a half-decent piece of pornography will garner.
But then I also remembered I haven't written anything in months. Between looking for a job (which is failing miserably) and video games...I do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fuck.
So it's like, what's the fucking point?
I don't know, it's 5:30, I'm awake, I'm annoyed, I'm pissed, I'm frustrated. I don't know. Fuck it all.
I'm just always inking something, working at the store, or busy with college materials. As a result, I've been distant with pretty much everyone no matter how hard I try because I'm always getting sucked back into my work one way or another. But aside from that, it's just easier for me to maintain my concentration and motivation if I let others contact me instead.
Anyway, I've been working to change this, but it's slow-going.
It's people who I know weren't that busy or weren't that preoccupied who seem to lack basic functions of communication.
Gah, some people suck. Maybe you can cull them out of your pack.
Sorry hun. :c