My eyes are so sore from crying so much. She had been there for me so much and its been so hard to deal with my feelings the past two days. I went to the rosary yesterday and I made a difference there, when there were no people there to say anything I stepped up and let my heart out. That brought more people forward to share they're feelings with us.

Today was when we met for final goodbye and they were short one person to carry the coffin to the alter, I was selected to help and that made me feel good. Soon after into service the other son showed up late from being lost. I handed him my gloves so he may have the honor of carrying his mother back to the Hearst. That also made me feel good inside making a difference again. I never felt I ever made any difference until the last two days.

I am still dealing with pain and loss, its hard but I hope i will come around soon. Weird things happen that remind me of her sense of humor after the service because my room mate had a bad experience with her when she first met him and them the wiper he was lifting to show me he replaced fell off and i laughed. I know she was involved because its her style. I feel good yet I feel really sad.