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DOA- Dead or Alive Movie Review
13 years ago
Watched Dead or Alive and it was a poorly experience but still above the legend of Chun-Li. Some of the actors being of asian descend made for a proper cast on some of the characters except for the purple haired ninja Ayane, who was played by which ever kind of actress that wasn't even asian. Devon Aoki, the assasin prostitute chick from Sin City appears as Kasumi, which seems legit. Wrestler Kevin Nash appears as Bass, who looks less than a chubby Hulk Hogan and more like a biker, but it was entertaining to watch. Then we got Ninja Gaiden Hayabusa who in the games is totally overshadowed by the bounciness from the female fighters but in here he is even moreso by the fact the movie doesn't seem to give a damn about his existence. Also, dresses like Ryu which is totally un-ninja.
The premise is a tiring one, some guy starts a tournament selecting a bunch of fighters for an ulterious motive that he reveals somewhere along the film and they never ever realize it until its too late. I am not sure I ever heard of Donovan in any of the game series to be honest, but I guess having a fat guy in a Tengu mask would've make this movie even more hilarious. And of course, there is advanced tech using nano bots to get to be badass like the fighters Donovan dupes into participating. Yeah, nevermind injecting yourself with said stuff might actually make your head explode, but anyway...
The only actor who doesn't over act and actually stays spot on character is Bayman, which being that the only thing he does is grunt and punch, seems to be the only thing a movie based on a fighting game should allure to. Of course, he happens to be aligned with the bad guys which makes as much sense as Zangief being one of M. Bison's henchmen in the Street Figher Live action movie.
One must wonder why in every videogame movie based on fighting game franchises the characters keep being duped into being invited to a martial arts competition which none ever heard of has heard little of, and who never know about the guy who invites them. I am guessing this is a trend which no one will ever get tired of using, being that its how the original KOF fighting games started...oh yeah did I mentioned there is a movie based on this game too?
One element true to the game is that Ayane wants to get Kasumi's well round butt for "disgracing" their Ninja clan, which is a ploy just to kill her for thinking she killed her own brother which she loves. Well then.
Since there is tech involved a genius has to be around, introducing Weatherby who is a combination from the first Blue Ranger of Power Rangers Season 1, and Otacon from Metal Gear Solid, along with the wheezy voice, mannerisms, glasses, and the fact that he knows exactly what to do with a keyboard. Well, at least he does try and fight in one scene, and he even gets a chick in the end. The guys from Revenge of the Nerds films would've been proud.
Although there are a ton of ninjas with swords about, there is no scientific staff to state where the hell all the tachnology crap displayed later in the movie is stablished. Weatherby must be a one man scientific protege I gather.
Here and there are some other motives such as a guy who wants to steal the vault from the island the tournament is held. But who the hell cares about this really?
The fights reminded me of an episode of Power Rangers, humorously choreographed and utterly fake looking. I was expecting the Megazord to appear any minute while those scenes played in the movie.
So anyway, this Donovan dude who looks old enough to be most of the cast's uncle, gathers their figthing techniques and downloads them on his shades so he can be as badass as all of them. Wait, what? Didn't he said he used nano stuff? How are shades helping him be a martial artist? The hell...?
And then is revealed he kept Hayate from the last tournament all this time so he could test the shades on, rather than, you know, fight the other fighters who he got the abilities from. Oh yeah, I had a migrane at that point of the movie. It was so much fun I tell you.
Of course he didn't on Elena whom he has forgotten for one reason or another so she was kicking his senile behind knowing he didn't had her abilities. Ah yes, how the mighty fall and fail at logic.
And then there's the obligatory time set explosion getting rid of the bad guy's lair. Not cliche at all. Everyone gets a girl (mostly) and then a short epilogue which makes even less sense but by the time it was shown I didn't gave a damn anymore.
The only thing I am grateful for is that I didn't spent a single dollar on this turd and that it was televised, even if it was on a spanish-speaking channel, which actually made it more tolerable than me having to hear the horrid lines spoken in english in my opinion.
Welp, another movie based on a videogame that fails to be adapted fairly. Nothing of value was lost.
Overall: D+
The fights are semi entertaining among themselves but not when they fight ungodly hordes of ninjas I am affraid. So not even for this reason you should waste valuable gaming time on a movie that will forever take 2 hours of your life.
Here is the trailer for your bleeding eyes:
The premise is a tiring one, some guy starts a tournament selecting a bunch of fighters for an ulterious motive that he reveals somewhere along the film and they never ever realize it until its too late. I am not sure I ever heard of Donovan in any of the game series to be honest, but I guess having a fat guy in a Tengu mask would've make this movie even more hilarious. And of course, there is advanced tech using nano bots to get to be badass like the fighters Donovan dupes into participating. Yeah, nevermind injecting yourself with said stuff might actually make your head explode, but anyway...
The only actor who doesn't over act and actually stays spot on character is Bayman, which being that the only thing he does is grunt and punch, seems to be the only thing a movie based on a fighting game should allure to. Of course, he happens to be aligned with the bad guys which makes as much sense as Zangief being one of M. Bison's henchmen in the Street Figher Live action movie.
One must wonder why in every videogame movie based on fighting game franchises the characters keep being duped into being invited to a martial arts competition which none ever heard of has heard little of, and who never know about the guy who invites them. I am guessing this is a trend which no one will ever get tired of using, being that its how the original KOF fighting games started...oh yeah did I mentioned there is a movie based on this game too?
One element true to the game is that Ayane wants to get Kasumi's well round butt for "disgracing" their Ninja clan, which is a ploy just to kill her for thinking she killed her own brother which she loves. Well then.
Since there is tech involved a genius has to be around, introducing Weatherby who is a combination from the first Blue Ranger of Power Rangers Season 1, and Otacon from Metal Gear Solid, along with the wheezy voice, mannerisms, glasses, and the fact that he knows exactly what to do with a keyboard. Well, at least he does try and fight in one scene, and he even gets a chick in the end. The guys from Revenge of the Nerds films would've been proud.
Although there are a ton of ninjas with swords about, there is no scientific staff to state where the hell all the tachnology crap displayed later in the movie is stablished. Weatherby must be a one man scientific protege I gather.
Here and there are some other motives such as a guy who wants to steal the vault from the island the tournament is held. But who the hell cares about this really?
The fights reminded me of an episode of Power Rangers, humorously choreographed and utterly fake looking. I was expecting the Megazord to appear any minute while those scenes played in the movie.
So anyway, this Donovan dude who looks old enough to be most of the cast's uncle, gathers their figthing techniques and downloads them on his shades so he can be as badass as all of them. Wait, what? Didn't he said he used nano stuff? How are shades helping him be a martial artist? The hell...?
And then is revealed he kept Hayate from the last tournament all this time so he could test the shades on, rather than, you know, fight the other fighters who he got the abilities from. Oh yeah, I had a migrane at that point of the movie. It was so much fun I tell you.
Of course he didn't on Elena whom he has forgotten for one reason or another so she was kicking his senile behind knowing he didn't had her abilities. Ah yes, how the mighty fall and fail at logic.
And then there's the obligatory time set explosion getting rid of the bad guy's lair. Not cliche at all. Everyone gets a girl (mostly) and then a short epilogue which makes even less sense but by the time it was shown I didn't gave a damn anymore.
The only thing I am grateful for is that I didn't spent a single dollar on this turd and that it was televised, even if it was on a spanish-speaking channel, which actually made it more tolerable than me having to hear the horrid lines spoken in english in my opinion.
Welp, another movie based on a videogame that fails to be adapted fairly. Nothing of value was lost.
Overall: D+
The fights are semi entertaining among themselves but not when they fight ungodly hordes of ninjas I am affraid. So not even for this reason you should waste valuable gaming time on a movie that will forever take 2 hours of your life.
Here is the trailer for your bleeding eyes:
