I sometimes wonder the same about my ex.. no amount of moving on seems to help though, not a day goes by I don't think about what happened between me and him.. not a day goes by where I don't wonder what could of been.. what should of been, would it of lasted, not a day goes by that I don't miss the old him.. hell he paid me 65$ to get the fuck out of his life.. it was probably the most painful things..I've ever gone through, loosing him really hurt.. all of my friends told me 'hes a jerk, you deserve better, don't go back to him, he just uses you' :s maybe not maybe so.. it's just been hard as hell loosing him. I put on a happy face, act like it doesn't bother me anymore, I dream about him, I think about him.. I wonder if he thinks about me.. and maybe if hes too afraid to say something to me.. maybe I have to talk to him.. when I make an attempt to email him he never responds.. maybe I think he's thinking about me too.. maybe.. It's hard to just put on a happy face and act like nothing ever happened like 'hes from the past, hes gone it's over with, it's done, time to move on' truth be told I'd say it's been about a year or 2 sense we've been through... It's nearing one of 'our' favourite times of the season.. winter.. I'm having constant nostalgia and just sitting and thinking.. like 'I should reach out to him, contact him, maybe he'll say something, maybe..just maybe.. something' but then I realize.. nothing and then I just do my best to quiet the thoughts inside.. He was everything to me.. we did almost everything together.. we battled eachother in soul silver/heart gold I actually convinced him to get heart gold because I wanted Rayquaza and needed Kyoger traded over, so I made him get heart gold.. we battled, and when he won it was frustrating because I was suppose to be the better one but he was out-doing me, I yelled at him sometimes being a spazz because he'd win with as I called it 'cheap tricks' we spent hours talking to eachother, to be honest to this day.. it wasn't really about anything, we would just 'talk' no specific subject but we seemed to talk for hours and hours and hours and loose track of time (it was a 2 year relationship) we had our fights, our ups and downs... we spent a lot of time in second life together.. and getting to see him inrl was like, everything melted away, I was just the happyist person alive, being held.. Bahh, I know how you feel honestly.. I put on a happy face, for my family, for my friends.. act like I'm 'looking' for a new mate, and I am interested in other people but I guess hes the only one that I guess I want it's truly hard bouncing back from something like that.. we were just so tight.. He's gotten over me.. but I guess in my heart I'm like.. it was so easy for him.. why can't it be easy for me.. why is he the lucky one.. what happened to him.. why is he so mean to me now.. he's not the same person anymore.. I want the person back that I knew and loved.. but it just seems like.. hes gone.. but I can't stop loving him.. I've moved on, things just weren't the same in any of my relationships.. now that I have my bearings... and I can focus a lot better without constantly thinking about him.. I just wonder a lot of the time.. if hes thinking about me.. is he truly over me.. why he treated me the way he did.. just I keep wondering WHY to everything, wanting closure but at the same time not wanting to hear the answers that may or may not be true (he's said a lot of untrue things because he wanted revenge against me because of all the fights, I guess maybe I deserved it) at the same time I want the answers but I know if they're going to be spiteful ones or hurtful ones it's just going to shatter my recovery.. Plus I'm also seeing a therapist and on medication but not a day goes by that I'm not in regret or remorse..


How I deal with it.. I guess I move one day at a time... I just thought I'd share my story with you.. if you care to read it or whatever, just to let you know, your not 'emo' ((I read some of your other journals)) and your not whining and complaining.. your feelings are justified, your feelings are your feelings.. and I feel the same way you do about my ex mate.. I apologize for the long response, I just wanted to also share my feelings with you, your not alone.