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10 Years Queer
17 years ago
General
The thought just occurred to me, I've been "gay" for a whole decade now! My epiphany took place when I was 34 and I'm about to turn 44 in a month or so.
Of course, I imagine that doesn't seem like much to most of the gay furs out there. Most of you have probably known you were queer from the time you were figuring out sexuality in the first place. Especially if you are young and have grown up in this more "enlightened"...or at least "aware" world of information I'm trying desperately to keep afloat in. But when I was a teen, my grandparents (whom I mostly lived with when my nuclear family melted down) shielded me from the whole idea that gay even existed, much less that it could in any way touch my life. Gay was something alien and only happened to odd people on television. Also, I was apparently incredibly stupid when I was young.
Things use to go on around me while I was completely oblivious...and I guess the same was true inside my own head. There were plenty of clues that I was a screaming fag, but somehow I managed to ignore them well into my adult life.
And then one day I connected the dots...made the leap...opened my eyes. One day I simply admitted to myself that I liked cock.
It's all been a lot clearer since then...
Of course, I imagine that doesn't seem like much to most of the gay furs out there. Most of you have probably known you were queer from the time you were figuring out sexuality in the first place. Especially if you are young and have grown up in this more "enlightened"...or at least "aware" world of information I'm trying desperately to keep afloat in. But when I was a teen, my grandparents (whom I mostly lived with when my nuclear family melted down) shielded me from the whole idea that gay even existed, much less that it could in any way touch my life. Gay was something alien and only happened to odd people on television. Also, I was apparently incredibly stupid when I was young.
Things use to go on around me while I was completely oblivious...and I guess the same was true inside my own head. There were plenty of clues that I was a screaming fag, but somehow I managed to ignore them well into my adult life.
And then one day I connected the dots...made the leap...opened my eyes. One day I simply admitted to myself that I liked cock.
It's all been a lot clearer since then...
When that realization sets in. And you had NO idea
it was ever going to happen to you.
Turned gay when i was 18. 23 now.
5 years so far.
'Twas interesting :P
As president of my school's bible club, a member of the football team, and all around cookie-cutter high school student life, my interests in members of my own sex caused me no shortage of internal turmoil. In fact, it lead to a nervous breakdown and an end to my scholarship to Stanford.
Time passed and I came to terms with who I was at long last despite "help" from my religious extended family and fiance at the time. Yet it always felt right somehow. It wasn't until my father's passing that I found out that the man I knew as my uncle was actually my father's former lover when he was in the Air Force and that they had remained close ever since.
It sure would have been nice to know that little tidbit earlier, but my mother kept it quiet. Even the fact that they all had living arangments together for years. But... Now I'm old enough not to realize that in the current times and the attitude of the Deep South, that sort of thing would have been hard on anyone, especially minorities and when I started coming out, my immediate family wasn't thrilled, but not once was I ever threatened.
Life's funny sometimes, ain't it?
I know a few bisexuals and they always seem to have a tough road.
*Hugs you*
*hug* Congrats on a happy 10th anniversary for being gay.
When did you join the fandom?
I'm glad somebody can finally realize it, not truly parade about it as if it's the only thing they have going for them, and accept it. Unfortunately a lot of times people do more than wave their ahem "flag" but they make sure that it is the final thing that you need to know and if anything is wrong it's because of discrimination, forming a hypocritical stereotype of wanting to be equal and then demanding special treatment if anything goes wrong. I see it happen too often for race, creed, orientation, and various other things.
You've got it though, say... and be done with it. And awesome work Deathpup, love your arts.
I been bi since I was 16 or so -
which at 32 makes me "funny" for
over half my life * LOL
ah - a happy day to celebrate your
"gay" frame of mind !
- Fennec
Is your number still the same? I'll text ya so you have mine.
Enjoy your straight life too! I know that THAT path is also fraught with heartaches and peril! After all...I'm still married. (Don't worry, she knows.)
I hate to spoil it (as if any of you were worrying about it) but I cannot go completely gay because i like BOOBS too much.
(lerk mode reactivated)
Seriously, there's nothing wrong with liking boobs (hell, 80 percent of the male population is probably right there with you on that)--you go, guy!
It's healthy to be the person you were born to be. I have never understood how others, ie family members, try to change people or keep them from being who they are meant to be.
I know your beliefs and I'm sure you remember mine. I believe that you are the person God made you to be, whether it's straight, gay or bi. And if you can't live your life the way God intended, you will never truly be happy.
But I'm glad that not everyone who DOES believe in God thinks gay people are inherently evil and should be stamped out.
*Hugs!*
I could never believe that because, as a Christian, I believe that God made all of us in His own image. To turn my back on gay people would, in essence, be turning my back on Him as well.
The second greatest commandment is to love my neighbor with all my heart and all my mind and all my soul. And that's what I try to do.
Oh? And you couldn't tell ME? It kind of would have made things a bit easier damnit! And, ya know, it might just affect my life a little, maybe. ;)
And no, not really that odd, figuring it out late. A LOT of people do. It's far more common than one thinks. We just all take for granted that the 75 year old guy down at the end of the bar has known he's gay since he was 12. Chances are just as good that he finally came to terms with it and/or figured it out 15 years ago.
Either way, I'm glad you found you. :) *HUGS*
I'm just glad society is not as restrictive as it used to be, but it still has a ways to go. I'm still made to feel like a second class citizen...I'm still afraid to hold a guy's hand in public or smooch a guy in a movie theater like any straight couple can do with impunity.
I've heard people say that they have no problem with gays...as long as they don't have to "see" it. But it's OK for straight couples to drool all over themselves in coffee shop windows. *sigh*
It's not okay for anyone to do that. Gay, straight, whatever, I just don't want to see someone giving anyone else a tonsil inspection with their tongue. If I do, I have my movies and the internet...
And yes, it has come a long way, but, still has a long way to go. It's the nature of the human beast though, unfortunately. "It's different! I hate it!" Some day though hon. *HUGS*
Not that it's bad, it's just that there are a lot of things they put a lot of pressure on.
*Hugs you!* And no, I didn't know you were at WotC. Are you working for their OL department?
I am now 23.
Glad to see I'm not the only one who wasn't 12 when he found out.
:)
Yet, that doesn't make me any older or you any younger, but I guess for both of us it is 'better late then never'
This journal makes me want to find a calender to try and figure out the actual date. I believe its worth celebrating it now, something that in itself shows how I've changed! :3
Accepting it was an almost immediate feeling of relief, like having this huge weight being taken off my shoulders ;)