I am on the eve of receiving my new laptop, and yet... I find myself in a state of misery... it has only just now stricken me that I have fallen victim to the flow of time. As time passes, things change. and as things change... I find the world a different place than I knew. It... would have been different... if I had been on the pulse of the change. Had I been there to bear witness to the major events going on just outside my view... but... that is not the case. Indeed, time has passed me by, and the world I return to in but a mere couple days, if not tomorrow, shall be one I do not know or recognize. Time stopped for me when I lost my computer. It stopped entirely... waiting to be restarted... but it did not stop the passage of time for the world, and here I am... suffering the backlash as time is beginning to start again. It does not start kindly... I get lashed with wave after wave of months of change all catching up at once. It is... painful... interesting... unique... but overall, it is unpleasant. One... cannot stop time... cannot stop change, and the flow of things... but... it feels like... a future I did not want... a future I did not see coming... a future I could have, perhaps, in some small way, influenced... or changed.

Maybe it was for the better... me not knowing... me being unable to intervene and to say my peace... but... it leaves me with a great deal of remorse. I... am sinking here, I am afraid. time restarts... only to slay me.

Addendum: On a more (Perhaps masochistically) positive note... I was going to change my status on here to miserable after writing this... but I found the delightful, and terribly appropriate mood morose. Fits me to the T. If you know not what it means, then look it up... I shall not hand-hold on this one...